Re: [ZESTPoets] That Horrid Elegy!

Mon, 12 Dec 2005 10:05:15 -0800

Dear R. B.
 
I like the economy of words in that poem.
 
However here are the critiques. the words stitches and its subsequent with britches, sounds a bit out of sync with the general mood that the poem leaves "yea...merry". In my mind that line is very open, sudddenly brings in a lot of air and space. And the poem starts with a complicated line "I sing no elegey....stitches. The poesis of that complex mood, in my mind, gets shattered, by the subsequent rhyming...
 
My suggestions if any:
 
Open up the verse, try internal rhyming. You have an excellent first line and a good last line with former being nice and comlex. o keep that up. You economy of words is indeed appreciable. Thats what I try..
 
If I had concieved those first and lat line line this is how I would have dappled with the words.I apologize for this egregiousness.
 
 
I sing no elegy when in stitches
and nothing reaches me like wings
a thread in the brain
a bottle of sherry
yea
the shore does keep me merry.
 
Best
Anirban Acharya
Syracuse, NY
differentpoems.blogspot.com


Rumjhum Biswas <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
Hoo hoo! You had the whole family in stitches, with this one Jane!
Getting that ol' appedix out was worth it in more ways than one!
Thanks! Loved it!
 
Now here's my confession:
 
I sing no elegy when I'm in stitches
I jest get me on my ol' britches
an' swig me a bottle of good ol' sherry
yea. That shore does keep me merry!!
 
Hugs,
 
Rumjhum

Yahoo! Shopping
Find Great Deals on Holiday Gifts at Yahoo! Shopping

--
You are encouraged to post poetry, respond critically to the poems circulated and participate in discussions. To post, email your message to ZESTPoets@yahoogroups.com OR post online at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTPoets/post/



SPONSORED LINKS
Writing and publishing a book Business writing book Writing poetry
Writing child book Writing book Book writing software

YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS



Reply via email to