True story: While on a tour of the Sudan Mines in Tower, Minnesota, a
ride in a mining elevator is necessary to descend the 1/2 mile
underground to the level where the tour begins. The elevator rocks back
and forth, and the door is somewhat questionable. The elevator is also
sloped back at an angle.
As the packed elevator is in motion, rocking and swaying, and as the
levels fly by, a certain passenger (who was in front of the rest) looked
at the others who are obviously more than a bit uneasy with the ride and
exclaimed loudly while jumping up and down, "Wwwhhhooo Hhhooo! We are on
an express elevator straight to hell - Goin' Down!" One of the other
passengers almost passed out, while most of others seemed to turn
ghostly white...
I figured that was the most that I could get away with without getting
mobbed. :-)
Gidd wrote:
**
- Make racing car noises when anyone gets on or off.
- Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to
other passengers.
- Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut
up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
- Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
- Sell Girl Scout cookies.
- On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the
elevator.
- Shave.
- Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask:
"Got enough air in there?"
- Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours
upside-down.
- Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without
getting off.
- When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors
open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
- Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
- Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask
them to call you Admiral.
- One word: Flatulence!
- On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay
open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at
the bottom.
- Do Tai Chi exercises.
- Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and announce:
"I've got new socks on!"
- When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not
now, damn motion sickness!"
- Give religious tracts to each passenger.
- Meow occassionally.
- Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
- Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "0ops!"
- Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
- Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
- Holler "Chocks away!" whenever the elevator descends.
- Walk on with a box that says "human head" on the side.
- Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of
THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
- If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holier "Bad touch!"
- Leave a box between the doors.
- Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
- Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
- Start a sing-along.
- When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
- Play the harmonica.
- Shadow box.
- Say "Ding!" at each floor.
- Lean against the button panel.
- Say " wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
- Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
- Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to other
passengers that this is your "personal space."
- Bring a chair along.
- Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha
in muhmouf?"
- Blow spit bubbles.
- Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
- Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
- Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
- Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
- Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
- Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
- Scatter powertools around your feet and scream into a radio, "I'M
NOT FINISHED YET! THE CABLE ONLY HAS ONE SCREW!!!"
Regards…Gidd
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