Re: This isn't for attention
[edit: Dark's post is better than this one. If this one starts to seem counterproductive, read Dark's again.]
(I can't promise that any of these resources will be helpful. They're just the first things I could think of.)
r/depression
Things that sometimes help when you have depression (I don't expect you can access these unless it's through school, if your family is such a big part of the problem, and depression and blindness both make applying all of them difficult, but just in case it helps...)
DBT: Crisis Survival
r/mentalhealth (I haven't looked into this subreddit in any depth; I've heard people complain about a few norms it h
as, so I'd be reluctant to post anything there.)
There's the national suicide prevention hotline, if you're in the US. I hear lots of people complaining about it having long wait times and just directing you to local therapists, though.
Will counseling help? Heck if I know. The trouble with all these interventions is that none of them address inescapable life circumstances that lead to the problems; they try to aim for the things that a trip to a doctor/ph arm acy think they can handle. Sometimes, this makes a big enough difference that people can cope, find new ways to fix things, etc. Sometimes it doesn't.
I want to say "Make it through the next four years, then grab all the opportunities you can while the government will still pay for them", but I'm pretty sure I'd hate it if someone told me that. I can't think of anything better, though. Generally speaking, I've come across loads of people who were unhappy and ev
en suicidal as teenagers who found college/legal freedom an amazing improvement. (I am not one of them, but it really depends on specific details, especially the people.)
Your family sabotaging other relationships doesn't tell us much by itself (although I've only heard of that ending well in TV shows), but combined with your mother threatening to commit suicide in front of you, it's pretty clear there is a lot wrong in this situation. It isn't clear from your description whether it's a case of Borderline Personality, or emotional abuse. people have a tendency to describe them similarly, much to the chagrin of not-so-abusive borderlines (link focuses on romantic relationships, but there might be something worth reading there?).
I wish I could offer something better than "please hold on a while longer", but these things never seem to lend themselves t o straightforward solutions.
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