Re: Brain or mind, let them shine: a challenge of creativity
Alright then, @brad:
This is a simple yet emotional scene that, though may not be much for novel, is very good for shortstory. Since shortstories focus on keeping things short within the range of the story and the mumber of pages, keeping it contained is key. However...
You can make it somewhat more emotional than just "he remembers..."
Let's see if I can come up with something of mine to give you an example of how:
"As Steven put raisor to flesh, a flash of memory pops up in his head, sudden and painful, way more painful than the cut of red on him. A face, embraced by and drawn from deep within the slower and slower pulse in his heart, such happiness like cool water in heat, now appears to be a sword, yet its target isn't his flesh...
Of course you can come with your own and don't have to make it long like mine. I just made it long because I'm more of a novelist and am use to detailed narration. There're plenty of ideas out there. Your scene is brilliant, bbut it sure can always have more.
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