TEACHING TOLERANCE. Kids are quick to spot the differences in people, but they need help knowing what may offend. By Lawrence Kutner, Ph.D. Prejudice passes through in the lives of children. Children make generalizations about fat or short people, they can make uncanny knack for spotting anyone who looks different from them, and commenting, often loudly on their appearance. Children make judgments not because they are spiteful, but because they are trying to make sense of the world. They can't help noticing differences, and they naturally make associations between how people look and what they are like. But in order to teach him to tolerate and even celebrate differences, we must first acknowledge the problem does exist. Face Intolerance Head-on "Children don't understand why adults tiptoe around issues of race or color," says Vivian Jenkins Nelsen, the president of Inter-race. If you tell children not to pay attention to race, they know it's not a real advice. Children may not fully understand what prejudice is and why it hurts people, but they need to be able to talk about the differences they see and draw informed conclusions about other people. Here are six tips for getting the issue of tolerance out on the table. Hold many brief conversations instead of one long lecture. Your goal is not to "get it over with", but to give them information they need at their particular stage of emotional and intellectual development. By bringing up the topic regularly, you let them know they can raise the issue without making you upset. Don't be wishy-washy. Children are rightfully unimpressed by the platitudes such as "We are all the same under the skin." They are more likely pay attention when you talk specifically and answer their question correctly. Don't tolerate prejudice language or humor. If you laugh at a neighbor's ethnic/race jokes, you are telling your kids that humor at someone else's race, religion or background is acceptable. It is simply a matter of respecting people whose culture or skin color is different. If you find an ethnic/race comment distasteful, you should let the children aware of it. If you hear your child or one of her friends make an appropriate comment, don't get angry, but don't make it slide either. Point out exactly what you find troubling or insulting about the remarks. Discuss your own prejudices. We all have them. If you catch yourself make an ethnic generalization about certain nation, race, religion, admit it. Tell your children you're struggling with this, and that if you slip, you need him to mention it to you. By admitting your biases, and asking for help, you encounter your child to do the same. Don't worry if you don't have all the answer. In fact, your lack of knowledge can provide a golden opportunity to search the answer with your children by reading book or go on-line. Use television and books as tools to explore prejudice and stereotyping If you find a situation about racism, point it out casually to your children and provide evidence that contradicts the stereotype. For example you can say, "What would happen if our family move to other neighborhood or our family is that one who are minority? Then we'd be the ones with the different religion, skin color. Do you think other people would think we are bad?" Tips how to handle the hurt. Most kids don't mean to hurt anyone with their remarks, but if your child is the target of prejudice, it can be very painful indeed. Here some ways to respond: - Acknowledge the hurt/anger. Say something like "I know how much it can hurt when some one do that to you". That lets the child know that you respect their emotion/feelings. - Clarify what happened. As your child specifically what was said/done, as well as what your child thought the other person meant. If it becomes clear that your child is misinterpreting, explain to him what the words really mean. - Talk about how the other person may not have known any better without understanding it or because he thought it was funny. - Let him practice how to stand up for himself in the future by saying something like "It isn't funny, and it isn't fair when you call me names like that." Sometimes that is all it takes to stop the name-calling. - Talk about the things that you love in your child. It is not unusual that your child wonder if the prejudice remark other people make is true. Positive feedback at home will help your child handle all types of pressure from the outside. Deliver all your message in casual way. Remember, you can never force a child to be open and tolerant, but it is your job to encourage them to view stereotypes from different perspective and to see those around him as they really are. --------------------------------------------------------------------- "Milis Bagi Orangtua Yang Menyayangi Balitanya" To subscribe, e-mail: [EMAIL PROTECTED] To unsubscribe, e-mail: [EMAIL PROTECTED] HI-Reliability low cost web hosting service - http://www.IndoGlobal.com
