I still can't believe it really happened, how the two companies worked together in such a way to make my dream come true. Over the years i collected 5000 bazooka joe comics and 3000 cracker jack UPC's, i sent them all in 2 months ago, and guess what happened 3 weeks ago, i got a letter from both companies saying they were joining in and giving me a prize out of 3 choices.
1. Giving me my own TV show to replace Craig Kilborn 2. Sending Superman over for one night of partying and drunkeness 3. Swimming with the dolphins Now, i thought long and hard. I ruled out number 3 because thats for celebrities and kids with cancer. Number one was really tempting, and it would be good to go head to head with the big red laugh machine Conan O'Brien and prove who is really worthy of the 12:35 time slot, but I would suck on TV, I would just stutter and tell stupid jokes like "Who would win a deathmatch between Michael Bolton and Kenny G?, Everyone!, Take it away band leader!". But i figured the opportunity to make an ass of myself on Tv would come again like if i were to jump on the field during the All-star game or something so i chose number 2. I chose right. Saturday night, i'm sitting on my back patio waiting for Superman to ring the bell, but instead i hear this big whistling sound, then 2 cases drop hard right beside me. two 24 cases of beer, then down he comes in all his majesty, his arms crossed, he stares me down, i cover my crotch because i know he can see through things. He just laughs and says, "I'm lookin at your liver and blood, you aren't nearly drunk enough yet, you work on this case i'll take care of the other". So i crack one open and take a look at Superman, he has a grin on his face like he is going to do something cool, so i keep staring a bit. In a flash he start powering down beers, he is going so fast it looked like he was Ganesh, a beer in each of the six arms, powering them down. Needless to say he finished off a case in a few seconds, my jaw dropped as did my beer, then he looks at me and yells, "You fucking pussy, i did 24 and you're at -1, you better start getting shitfaced now". Now, i don't know everything, but when a drunken Superman tells you to do something, you do it, without saying anything i powered down about 5 beer, then i did two at a time, he stopped me midway through my 7th he went on all fours and said, "Hop on", i looked at him and told him i didn't think it was a good idea because i didn't swing that way, then he called me a pussy and said to get on his back because we were going for me beer, he made me bring the case too. While we were flying around i was still drinking and i handed him the empties, he was throwing them at cats from about 70 feet up i the air, with damn good percision too. One time i handed him a full one by accident, when he saw it break he went back in time and rescued it and made me chug it, then he broke it over his head and laughed his ass off. When we got to the liquor store it was closed, so he snuck in and got some beer, we drank it right away and flew around in a drunken stupor, he was like a big bumper car, we hit shit left and right. Everything was going good until we saw the sirens, we were being pulled over, our fault for flying at street level. I told Superman to land and to just play it cool because this has happened to me before, the officer walked up to me and i said "What seems to be the problem officer?", he looked at me and said "I'm taking you two in for DUI", i jumped off of Superman, and started poking him really hard and said "Does this look like a fucking car to you? asshole!?", then he said to me "Fine then this is an FUI", at that point Superman got up and said, "You got the FU part right buddy", then he high-fived me so hard I hit a wall. Anyway the cop wasn't buying it so we had to fly out of there to avoid prosecution and complaints from cat owners and PETA. We went to mexico and drank Tequila all morning, then I passed out, when i woke up it was thursday and i was on the beach with sand in my ass, there was a note taped to my head that read, "I had a killer time, too bad about the fuzz, next time we'll do it at my place, I'm turning the Fortress of Solitude into the Fortress of Drinkitude, see you then, Superman". He's picking me up tommorrow. - Matt Small ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| Special thanks to the CF Community Suite Gold Sponsor - CFHosting.net http://www.cfhosting.net Message: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=i:5:136181 Archives: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/threads.cfm/5 Subscription: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=s:5 Unsubscribe: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/unsubscribe.cfm?user=89.70.5 Donations & Support: http://www.houseoffusion.com/tiny.cfm/54
