not sure if a tv show is your gig, but a small short film scripting job might be right up your alley :)
tw On Tue, 16 Nov 2004 12:50:49 -0500, Matthew Small <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > I still can't believe it really happened, how the two companies worked > together in such a way to make my dream come true. Over the years i > collected 5000 bazooka joe comics and 3000 cracker jack UPC's, i sent them > all in 2 months ago, and guess what happened 3 weeks ago, i got a letter > from both companies saying they were joining in and giving me a prize out of > 3 choices. > > 1. Giving me my own TV show to replace Craig Kilborn > 2. Sending Superman over for one night of partying and drunkeness > 3. Swimming with the dolphins > > Now, i thought long and hard. I ruled out number 3 because thats for > celebrities and kids with cancer. Number one was really tempting, and it > would be good to go head to head with the big red laugh machine Conan > O'Brien and prove who is really worthy of the 12:35 time slot, but I would > suck on TV, I would just stutter and tell stupid jokes like "Who would win a > deathmatch between Michael Bolton and Kenny G?, Everyone!, Take it away band > leader!". But i figured the opportunity to make an ass of myself on Tv would > come again like if i were to jump on the field during the All-star game or > something so i chose number 2. > > I chose right. > > Saturday night, i'm sitting on my back patio waiting for Superman to ring > the bell, but instead i hear this big whistling sound, then 2 cases drop > hard right beside me. two 24 cases of beer, then down he comes in all his > majesty, his arms crossed, he stares me down, i cover my crotch because i > know he can see through things. He just laughs and says, "I'm lookin at your > liver and blood, you aren't nearly drunk enough yet, you work on this case > i'll take care of the other". So i crack one open and take a look at > Superman, he has a grin on his face like he is going to do something cool, > so i keep staring a bit. In a flash he start powering down beers, he is > going so fast it looked like he was Ganesh, a beer in each of the six arms, > powering them down. Needless to say he finished off a case in a few seconds, > my jaw dropped as did my beer, then he looks at me and yells, "You fucking > pussy, i did 24 and you're at -1, you better start getting shitfaced now". > > Now, i don't know everything, but when a drunken Superman tells you to do > something, you do it, without saying anything i powered down about 5 beer, > then i did two at a time, he stopped me midway through my 7th he went on all > fours and said, "Hop on", i looked at him and told him i didn't think it was > a good idea because i didn't swing that way, then he called me a pussy and > said to get on his back because we were going for me beer, he made me bring > the case too. > > While we were flying around i was still drinking and i handed him the > empties, he was throwing them at cats from about 70 feet up i the air, with > damn good percision too. One time i handed him a full one by accident, when > he saw it break he went back in time and rescued it and made me chug it, > then he broke it over his head and laughed his ass off. When we got to the > liquor store it was closed, so he snuck in and got some beer, we drank it > right away and flew around in a drunken stupor, he was like a big bumper > car, we hit shit left and right. Everything was going good until we saw the > sirens, we were being pulled over, our fault for flying at street level. I > told Superman to land and to just play it cool because this has happened to > me before, the officer walked up to me and i said "What seems to be the > problem officer?", he looked at me and said "I'm taking you two in for DUI", > i jumped off of Superman, and started poking him really hard and said "Does > this look like a fucking car to you? asshole!?", then he said to me "Fine > then this is an FUI", at that point Superman got up and said, "You got the > FU part right buddy", then he high-fived me so hard I hit a wall. Anyway the > cop wasn't buying it so we had to fly out of there to avoid prosecution and > complaints from cat owners and PETA. > > We went to mexico and drank Tequila all morning, then I passed out, when i > woke up it was thursday and i was on the beach with sand in my ass, there > was a note taped to my head that read, "I had a killer time, too bad about > the fuzz, next time we'll do it at my place, I'm turning the Fortress of > Solitude into the Fortress of Drinkitude, see you then, Superman". He's > picking me up tommorrow. > > - Matt Small > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| Special thanks to the CF Community Suite Gold Sponsor - CFHosting.net http://www.cfhosting.net Message: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=i:5:136206 Archives: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/threads.cfm/5 Subscription: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=s:5 Unsubscribe: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/unsubscribe.cfm?user=89.70.5 Donations & Support: http://www.houseoffusion.com/tiny.cfm/54
