So he's almost exactly a year younger than me (I'll be 23 on Nov 14).
My dad and I didn't get along well until I went off to college. One of the
main problems is that we're too much alike. The things that bother us about
ourselves tend to /really/ bug us in each other, and where we differ in
things we like about ourselves, we tend to be dissapointed in each other.
I will say this: we got over it. Part of that was distance, but that's not
all of it. I'm living with my folks (and have been for almost 2 years) and,
while we still have spats on occasion, we generally get along.
So, unsolicited advice from a 22-year-old on how dads should treat sons:
1. Respect me. Always. Despite the fact that I will always be your little
boy, I am a man, and that means I have to decide things for myself. They
may not be the same decisions you would have made, and they may not be
right, but they have to be mine.
2. Give me space. Don't push into my life. Make it known that you are
there as a friend, father, confidant, or whatever else is needed. But let
me come to you.
3. If I come to you, appreciate it.
4. If I need your help (and ask for it -- see #2) give it. Don't guilt
trip me. Don't judge me. Let me learn for my mistakes. Caveat: If I keep
making the same damnfool mistake, smack me upside the head.
5. Respect me. See #1.
I'm sorry if I sound condescending or whatever, that's not what I'm trying
for. I just know too well how easy it is to not get along. The above list
is by no means all-inclusive, and may not even be what is most important to
him. It's just what I know worked for me.
Good luck with him, and if you need an age-appropriate sounding board, feel
free to contact me on or off list.
--Ben Doom
Programmer & General Lackey
Moonbow Software
: -----Original Message-----
: From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]
: Sent: Monday, October 14, 2002 12:42 PM
: To: CF-Community
: Subject: RE: Monday - Ben D
:
:
: 21, will be 22 in November
:
: > How old is he?
: >
: >
: > --Ben Doom
: > Programmer & General Lackey
: > Moonbow Software
: >
: > : -----Original Message-----
: > : From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]
: > : Sent: Monday, October 14, 2002 12:18 PM
: > : To: CF-Community
: > : Subject: RE: Monday - Ben D
: > :
: > :
: > : re: sister & "not playing" -
: > : am having that situation with son...
: > : :-(
: > :
: > : -Ben
: >
: >
:
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