Aye, sounds pretty tragic.
Have a lemon poppy seed muffin and don't give up hope. Someday, he'll come
around.
--Ben Doom
Programmer & General Lackey
Moonbow Software
: -----Original Message-----
: From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]
: Sent: Monday, October 14, 2002 7:12 PM
: To: CF-Community
: Subject: RE: Monday - Ben D
:
:
: thanks, BenD
:
: short answer:
:
: he's holding a grudge about some things that happened
: 10 - 12 years ago.
:
: and about a whole bunch of stuff, I'm 200% wrong and
: he's 0% wrong.
:
: and I get no credit for all the changes and improvements
: I've made.
:
: he thinks it's perfectly ok to be rude to me.
:
: I am being "correct" or cordial, and doing my best to
: avoid him.
:
: This isn't always easy - he comes over a lot to see Mom,
: raid the fridge, do his laundry, use a table with good
: lighting to work on his school art projects, etc.
:
: I tend to retreat to the den and my computer.
:
: Sad, huh?
:
: Could be worse - one of my wife's friends had her son
: almost run her down in the driveway with the car...
:
: -Ben
:
: > /me shrugs. Then the advice was worth what you paid for it.
: >
: > I do wish you luck, though.
: >
: >
: >
: > --Ben Doom
: > Programmer & General Lackey
: > Moonbow Software
: >
: > : -----Original Message-----
: > : From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]
: > : Sent: Monday, October 14, 2002 4:34 PM
: > : To: CF-Community
: > : Subject: RE: Monday - Ben D
: > :
: > :
: > : BenD-
: > :
: > : thanks for the advice, but none of your points go
: > : anywhere near what the problems are...
: > :
: > : -BenB
: > :
: > : > So he's almost exactly a year younger than me (I'll be 23
: on Nov 14).
: > : >
: > : > My dad and I didn't get along well until I went off to college.
: > : One of the
: > : > main problems is that we're too much alike. The things that
: > : bother us about
: > : > ourselves tend to /really/ bug us in each other, and where
: we differ in
: > : > things we like about ourselves, we tend to be dissapointed in
: > : each other.
: > : >
: > : > I will say this: we got over it. Part of that was distance,
: > : but that's not
: > : > all of it. I'm living with my folks (and have been for almost
: > : 2 years) and,
: > : > while we still have spats on occasion, we generally get along.
: > : >
: > : > So, unsolicited advice from a 22-year-old on how dads
: should treat sons:
: > : > 1. Respect me. Always. Despite the fact that I will always
: > : be your little
: > : > boy, I am a man, and that means I have to decide things for
: > : myself. They
: > : > may not be the same decisions you would have made, and they
: may not be
: > : > right, but they have to be mine.
: > : > 2. Give me space. Don't push into my life. Make it known
: that you are
: > : > there as a friend, father, confidant, or whatever else is
: > : needed. But let
: > : > me come to you.
: > : > 3. If I come to you, appreciate it.
: > : > 4. If I need your help (and ask for it -- see #2) give it.
: Don't guilt
: > : > trip me. Don't judge me. Let me learn for my mistakes.
: > : Caveat: If I keep
: > : > making the same damnfool mistake, smack me upside the head.
: > : > 5. Respect me. See #1.
: > : >
: > : > I'm sorry if I sound condescending or whatever, that's not what
: > : I'm trying
: > : > for. I just know too well how easy it is to not get along.
: > : The above list
: > : > is by no means all-inclusive, and may not even be what is most
: > : important to
: > : > him. It's just what I know worked for me.
: > : >
: > : > Good luck with him, and if you need an age-appropriate sounding
: > : board, feel
: > : > free to contact me on or off list.
: > : >
: > : >
: > : >
: > : > --Ben Doom
: > : > Programmer & General Lackey
: > : > Moonbow Software
: > : >
: > : > : -----Original Message-----
: > : > : From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]
: > : > : Sent: Monday, October 14, 2002 12:42 PM
: > : > : To: CF-Community
: > : > : Subject: RE: Monday - Ben D
: > : > :
: > : > :
: > : > : 21, will be 22 in November
: > : > :
: > : > : > How old is he?
: > : > : >
: > : > : >
: > : > : > --Ben Doom
: > : > : > Programmer & General Lackey
: > : > : > Moonbow Software
: > : > : >
: > : > : > : -----Original Message-----
: > : > : > : From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]
: > : > : > : Sent: Monday, October 14, 2002 12:18 PM
: > : > : > : To: CF-Community
: > : > : > : Subject: RE: Monday - Ben D
: > : > : > :
: > : > : > :
: > : > : > : re: sister & "not playing" -
: > : > : > : am having that situation with son...
: > : > : > : :-(
: > : > : > :
: > : > : > : -Ben
: > : > : >
: > : > : >
: > : > :
: > : >
: > :
: >
:
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