thanks, BenD short answer:
he's holding a grudge about some things that happened 10 - 12 years ago. and about a whole bunch of stuff, I'm 200% wrong and he's 0% wrong. and I get no credit for all the changes and improvements I've made. he thinks it's perfectly ok to be rude to me. I am being "correct" or cordial, and doing my best to avoid him. This isn't always easy - he comes over a lot to see Mom, raid the fridge, do his laundry, use a table with good lighting to work on his school art projects, etc. I tend to retreat to the den and my computer. Sad, huh? Could be worse - one of my wife's friends had her son almost run her down in the driveway with the car... -Ben > /me shrugs. Then the advice was worth what you paid for it. > > I do wish you luck, though. > > > > --Ben Doom > Programmer & General Lackey > Moonbow Software > > : -----Original Message----- > : From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]] > : Sent: Monday, October 14, 2002 4:34 PM > : To: CF-Community > : Subject: RE: Monday - Ben D > : > : > : BenD- > : > : thanks for the advice, but none of your points go > : anywhere near what the problems are... > : > : -BenB > : > : > So he's almost exactly a year younger than me (I'll be 23 on Nov 14). > : > > : > My dad and I didn't get along well until I went off to college. > : One of the > : > main problems is that we're too much alike. The things that > : bother us about > : > ourselves tend to /really/ bug us in each other, and where we differ in > : > things we like about ourselves, we tend to be dissapointed in > : each other. > : > > : > I will say this: we got over it. Part of that was distance, > : but that's not > : > all of it. I'm living with my folks (and have been for almost > : 2 years) and, > : > while we still have spats on occasion, we generally get along. > : > > : > So, unsolicited advice from a 22-year-old on how dads should treat sons: > : > 1. Respect me. Always. Despite the fact that I will always > : be your little > : > boy, I am a man, and that means I have to decide things for > : myself. They > : > may not be the same decisions you would have made, and they may not be > : > right, but they have to be mine. > : > 2. Give me space. Don't push into my life. Make it known that you are > : > there as a friend, father, confidant, or whatever else is > : needed. But let > : > me come to you. > : > 3. If I come to you, appreciate it. > : > 4. If I need your help (and ask for it -- see #2) give it. Don't guilt > : > trip me. Don't judge me. Let me learn for my mistakes. > : Caveat: If I keep > : > making the same damnfool mistake, smack me upside the head. > : > 5. Respect me. See #1. > : > > : > I'm sorry if I sound condescending or whatever, that's not what > : I'm trying > : > for. I just know too well how easy it is to not get along. > : The above list > : > is by no means all-inclusive, and may not even be what is most > : important to > : > him. It's just what I know worked for me. > : > > : > Good luck with him, and if you need an age-appropriate sounding > : board, feel > : > free to contact me on or off list. > : > > : > > : > > : > --Ben Doom > : > Programmer & General Lackey > : > Moonbow Software > : > > : > : -----Original Message----- > : > : From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]] > : > : Sent: Monday, October 14, 2002 12:42 PM > : > : To: CF-Community > : > : Subject: RE: Monday - Ben D > : > : > : > : > : > : 21, will be 22 in November > : > : > : > : > How old is he? > : > : > > : > : > > : > : > --Ben Doom > : > : > Programmer & General Lackey > : > : > Moonbow Software > : > : > > : > : > : -----Original Message----- > : > : > : From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]] > : > : > : Sent: Monday, October 14, 2002 12:18 PM > : > : > : To: CF-Community > : > : > : Subject: RE: Monday - Ben D > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : re: sister & "not playing" - > : > : > : am having that situation with son... > : > : > : :-( > : > : > : > : > : > : -Ben > : > : > > : > : > > : > : > : > > : > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| Archives: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/index.cfm?forumid=5 Subscription: http://www.houseoffusion.com/index.cfm?sidebar=lists&body=lists/cf_community Get the mailserver that powers this list at http://www.coolfusion.com
