The issue of fate aside, at a high level you guys are right to say that the situation is what it is and will be what they make out of it. Wisdom is the difference between knowledge learned and practiced.
On the other hand, there is the lower-level reality of being young, broke, unmarried, uneducated, living with your folks, having a child and having to somehow make it all work out. That situation does something to the people in it (it drives many good people to despair), and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It's true that some people rise above circumstance and go on to make something great out of themselves (the former CEO of HP, for instance, was a single father and set up programs within the company to assist others in this situation). The odds are not in favor of that happening, and these kind of cheery notions are difficult to accept when you are scraping together pocket change to buy baby formula and can barely support your family because you work in a grocery store or restaurant instead of an office. I went to a program set up by the District Court of Maryland back in 1999 focused on the children of divorce and separation. The statistics they put up blew me away, in almost 90% of divorces money is listed the chief reason for separation, the percentage of couples getting a divorce who were married before age 30 was about 75%, the percentage of couples getting a divorce where at least one partner had a college degree was like 30%. The clusters of problems children faced coming out of these situations was ugly, including alienation, difficulty in relationships, petty crime, emotional separation from one or both parents, substance abuse, pervasive feelings of worthlessness, the list went on with more extreme examples but chronic problems in these areas were the ones most commonly encountered. It's nice to be optimistic, but at some point people have to be real. What bothers me so much is that it doesn't seem like he is. I am not saying people should map out their entire lives overnight because they found out they're having a baby, but these notions that the future is an open book and people will be be able to do whatever they want are just not realistic. Having a kid, managing a household etc. is work, often rewarding but time and resource consuming. Maybe I am a little polarized on the issue, but I know what it is like to be where he is and wouldn't wish it on anyone ever. One terrible PS: my cousin thinks the situation will turn out fine and he won't have any problems. He said he saw me do it and my daughter is wonderful and well adjusted, so why can't he? After all, his kid is going to have a Mother! It SUCKS trying to convince someone they are facing a tough situation and to have it thrown back in your face because you made it look easy. They never listen and think you are just trying to make yourself out to be a hero. Grrr... M -----Original Message----- From: Dan Phillips [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] Sent: Monday, March 03, 2003 1:36 PM To: CF-Community Subject: RE: Mondays Yeah, I believe in fate and somethings just happen no matter what you do to stop them. I think it's more how you handle the situation, not the situation itself. ~~Dan -----Original Message----- From: Pablo Varando [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] Sent: Monday, March 03, 2003 1:30 PM To: CF-Community Subject: Re: Mondays I agree, you gotta take the good with the bad :) And just make the best with what you have.... Pablo ----- Original Message ----- From: "Erika L. Walker-Arnold" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> To: "CF-Community" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> Sent: Monday, March 03, 2003 11:56 AM Subject: RE: Mondays > I would agree with Cary. > > Every single one of us has to make our own mistakes. > If we never made any mistakes, we'd never learn anything. Even the > smartest person had to do wrong somewhere. Yes, even you Bill. ;) > > Maybe we don't all take the hardest route possible, but I know I've > made some doozy decisions in life. Some of them were the hard way. > BUT, having said that, I wouldn'tnecessarily make a different decision > the second time around. Only because I believe the decisions I did > make, either right or wrong, led me to where I am today. > > In the arms of a wonderful man, on the path of a great career, in the > country I always dreamed about. > > So, all you can do is support and nurture and hope for the best, don't > drag people down berating/lecturing them for decisions they made. Make > a go of it and see what happens. Their child could be the next > president. > > You never know. > > ;) > > > -------------------------------------------------- > > -----Original Message----- > From: Cary Gordon [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] > > I believe that the great majority of people insist on doing everything > the hardest way they possibly can. > > At 12:02 PM 3/3/2003 -0500, you wrote: > >While I am saying this knowing I did the same thing, why do some > >people insist on doing everything the hardest way they possibly can? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| Archives: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/index.cfm?forumid=5 Subscription: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/index.cfm?method=subscribe&forumid=5 Structure your ColdFusion code with Fusebox. Get the official book at http://www.fusionauthority.com/bkinfo.cfm Unsubscribe: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/unsubscribe.cfm?user=89.70.5
