I hear you and sympathize (couldn't agree more) - the best of luck to your cousin nonetheless. Maybe being a surfer will help him to land on his feet? :-) Patrick
>-----Original Message----- >From: Haggerty, Mike [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] >Sent: March 3, 2003 2:21 PM >To: CF-Community >Subject: RE: Mondays > > >The issue of fate aside, at a high level you guys are right to >say that the >situation is what it is and will be what they make out of it. >Wisdom is the >difference between knowledge learned and practiced. > >On the other hand, there is the lower-level reality of being >young, broke, >unmarried, uneducated, living with your folks, having a child >and having to >somehow make it all work out. That situation does something to >the people in >it (it drives many good people to despair), and I wouldn't wish it on >anyone. > >It's true that some people rise above circumstance and go on to make >something great out of themselves (the former CEO of HP, for >instance, was a >single father and set up programs within the company to assist >others in >this situation). The odds are not in favor of that happening, >and these kind >of cheery notions are difficult to accept when you are >scraping together >pocket change to buy baby formula and can barely support your >family because >you work in a grocery store or restaurant instead of an office. > >I went to a program set up by the District Court of Maryland >back in 1999 >focused on the children of divorce and separation. The >statistics they put >up blew me away, in almost 90% of divorces money is listed the >chief reason >for separation, the percentage of couples getting a divorce >who were married >before age 30 was about 75%, the percentage of couples getting >a divorce >where at least one partner had a college degree was like 30%. > >The clusters of problems children faced coming out of these >situations was >ugly, including alienation, difficulty in relationships, petty crime, >emotional separation from one or both parents, substance >abuse, pervasive >feelings of worthlessness, the list went on with more extreme >examples but >chronic problems in these areas were the ones most commonly >encountered. > >It's nice to be optimistic, but at some point people have to >be real. What >bothers me so much is that it doesn't seem like he is. I am not saying >people should map out their entire lives overnight because >they found out >they're having a baby, but these notions that the future is an >open book and >people will be be able to do whatever they want are just not realistic. >Having a kid, managing a household etc. is work, often >rewarding but time >and resource consuming. Maybe I am a little polarized on the >issue, but I >know what it is like to be where he is and wouldn't wish it on >anyone ever. > >One terrible PS: my cousin thinks the situation will turn out >fine and he >won't have any problems. He said he saw me do it and my daughter is >wonderful and well adjusted, so why can't he? After all, his >kid is going to >have a Mother! > >It SUCKS trying to convince someone they are facing a tough >situation and to >have it thrown back in your face because you made it look >easy. They never >listen and think you are just trying to make yourself out to be a hero. > >Grrr... >M ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| Archives: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/index.cfm?forumid=5 Subscription: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/index.cfm?method=subscribe&forumid=5 This list and all House of Fusion resources hosted by CFHosting.com. The place for dependable ColdFusion Hosting. Unsubscribe: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/unsubscribe.cfm?user=89.70.5
