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Hey folks,
Remember the joke someone sent about the irritated menopausal women in
combat? Check out below suggestion. I think the old guys and the old
gals should get together and kick some butt. Such troups would be
formidable!
Spook
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" A couple of weeks ago I decided that if I could, I'd enlist today and
help
my country track down those responsible for killing thousands of innocent
people in New York City and Washington, D.C. But I'm 54 now and the Armed
Forces says I'm too old to track down terrorists.
You can't be older than 35 to join the Army. They've got the whole thing
backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to the fight, they ought to
take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join until you're at least 35.
For starters
* Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old
guys only think about sex every 15 seconds, leaving us more than 28,000
additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
* Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky and a cranky
soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain
them into submission. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote
control?"
* An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to
war until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy,
on
the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35
and
a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do wonders
for
the beer belly.
* An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys get
up early just to show we can (and to steal the neighbor's newspaper).
* If old guys were captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd
probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank and serial number
would be a real brain teaser.
Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to
getting
screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food. We've also
developed a
deep appreciation for guns and rifles. We like them almost better than
naps.
The Army could lighten up on the obstacle course, however. I've been to
the
desert and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the
side.
I can hear the Drill Sergeant now. "Get down and give me...er...one!"
And the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone
outrun a bullet.
Patience is something most 18-year-olds simply do not have. For good
reason, too. An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still
learning to shave. To actually carry on a conversation. To wear pants
without
the
top of the butt crack showing and the boxer shorts sticking out. To learn
that a pierced tongue catches food particles. And that a 200-watt speaker
in
the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum. All great reasons
to
keep our sons at home to learn a little more about life before sending
them
off to a possible death.
Let us old guys track down those dirty, rotten cowards who attacked
our hearts Sept 11. The last thing they'd want to see right
now is a couple of million old guys with attitude riding Harleys into
Afghanistan.
The thought kind of brings a tear to the eye."
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