[CTRL] Easter Canceled This Year!

[blue honey]

Easter Canceled This Year! Author Unknown Jerusalem, April 15, 1995- -Archeologists who have been excavating in the hills above Jerusalem announced today the discovery of a 2000-year-old mummy bearing puncture wounds through the hands and feet and a deep laceration in the lower left chest. Scientists noted that there was a large accumulation of blood in the lower body, consistent with the body having been upright at the time of death. Carbon dating of the body and its burial shroud indicated death had occurred 1990 +-95 years ago. The archeologists stated that in spite of its age, the body was well preserved in the dry air of the hidden, sealed cave. A senior archeologist, asked if this was the body of Jesus Christ, refused to comment, but agreed that "the evidence is not inconsistent with that hypothesis." A younger archeologist, who requested anonymity, said "This is the corpse of Christ. Period. They're just going to have to cancel Easter this year."   A Vatican spokesman said that such a discovery was impossible, because they had the true burial cloth of Christ, the Shroud of Turin. Asked to explain its carbon date of approximately 1300 AD, the spokesman repeated the Vatican position that there was a burst of radiation at the time of the resurrection. In a separate news conference, another spokesman said that a careful reading of the Bible and Catholic doctrine would show that they were "not inconsistent" with such a discovery.   Ronald Reagan, former President of the United States, announced outrage that such a discovery should be made. In Lynchburg, Virginia, Jerry Falwell, leader of Moral Majority, denounced it as "an attempt by atheistic scientists to undermine the Constitution."   Armed troops were patrolling the Christian sections of Jerusalem after the Chief Rabbi commented that he "had always known the resurrection was a myth." The Israeli government ordered him to make no further statements on the discovery.