Easter Canceled This Year!
Author
Unknown
Jerusalem, April 15, 1995- -Archeologists who have
been excavating in the hills above Jerusalem announced today the discovery
of a 2000-year-old mummy bearing puncture wounds through the hands and feet
and a deep laceration in the lower left chest.
Who are these archaeologists?
Scientists noted that there was a large accumulation of blood in the lower
body, consistent with the body having been upright at the time of
death.
Who are these scientists?
Carbon
dating of the body and its burial shroud indicated death had occurred 1990
+-95 years ago.
Who did the carbon dating?
The
archeologists stated that in spite of its age, the body was well preserved
in the dry air of the hidden, sealed cave.
A senior archeologist,
WHO? asked if this was the body of Jesus
Christ, refused to comment, but agreed that "the evidence is not
inconsistent with that hypothesis." A younger archeologist,
WHO??? who requested anonymity, said "This is the
corpse of Christ. Period. They're just going to have to cancel Easter this
year."
How did he know
this?
A Vatican spokesman WHO???
said that such a discovery was impossible, because they
had the true burial cloth of Christ, the Shroud of Turin. Asked to explain
its carbon date of approximately 1300 AD, the spokesman repeated the Vatican
position that there was a burst of radiation at the time of the
resurrection. In a separate news conference, another spokesman
WHO??? said that a careful reading of the Bible
and Catholic doctrine would show that they were "not inconsistent" with such
a discovery.
Ronald Reagan, former President of the United States,
announced outrage that such a discovery should be made. In Lynchburg,
Virginia, Jerry Falwell, leader of Moral Majority, denounced it as "an
attempt by atheistic scientists to undermine the Constitution."
Armed troops were patrolling the Christian sections of
Jerusalem after the Chief Rabbi commented that he "had always known the
resurrection was a myth." The Israeli government ordered him to make no
further statements on the discovery. Reference
please?
Silas