--- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, TurquoiseB <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
> It's been 25 years or more since I > had any real physical contact with the TMO, and 8 years > or so since I had much contact with anyone from the > Rama trip. 16 years for me. > But both organizations had something in > common, something *lacking*, that I've become aware > of in the time since. The thing that was lacking was > a sense of sangha -- community. > > I'm rapping about it here to see if those who have > lived in Fairfield can shed a different, possibly more > positive light on the subject. For me, in the fourteen > years I was involved in the TM community, it rarely > struck me as being that much of a community. There > was shared knowledge, and shared techniques, and a > shared lifestyle, and a shared goal -- enlightenment. > With all those things going for it, it should have > logically been an environment in which people cared > about each other deeply, and were there to help one > another if they got into a spot of emotional trouble. Most of the time in the movement I was sort of on an island within the movement, agroup between 10 to max. 30 people, who were sworn together, and that was the Meru Press. I really loved that place, even though it was challenging at times. Challenging because we worked harder, it was a press, and there were these infamous rush jobs. So really, we were a group, a sangha. So those people who stayed in it, who weren't just passing through cared about each other, and we were talking freely about everything with friends. Many people were talking about their doubts openly, many left and came back later on. On Purusha I found a similar situation with acertain group of people which was self-selected, that is the people whom you liked to hang out with. That was not necessarily your official group. When I left, that is, I had to leave - it was ultimately decided by Maharishi himself - as I had but this enquiry where I belonged to before him - I was already deeply committed to Mother Meera - so, when I had to leave, I wanted to do it quickly, without big notice and without talking to everybody. Some of my friends had got wind of it, and visited me in the evening. Some even expressed their admiration. One said he felt the atmosphere of love in my room. All of my friends expressed their symphathy for me, some gifted presents. Sure, there were others I didn't have much contact with, who might have looked down on me, who had what you call the cult-mindset. Yet even with those, nobody thought that I had gone off evolution, they simply thought that when on Purusha, one shouldn't be involved with another saint, and they had their own preference for Maharishi. I still have occassional contact with some of the Purushas, many ex by now, but some still on. For example I met up with one of them at the Kumbha Mela 2001. > But it really wasn't like that, in my experience. It > was more like one's fellow seekers were nice to have > around as long as they were "on the program." The > "program" was more important than the people following > the program. > > Go slightly "off" the program, and one learned *very* > quickly just where one stood within the sangha. If > you expressed a few doubts, it started with shunning, > and could progress to apostasy and excommunication if > you didn't keep your mouth shut. Certainly it was not liked people to be critical, but honestly there wasn't much control about it. I knew people who were constantly cynical about things. Yet,I must say, one time, there was this 'clear up', which came from Maharishi directly via international call, where he asked people to 'report' people who spread 'negativity' - you know the infamous CIA talk again. This was the most weird experience I had on Purusha, but it wasn't typical at all. It was exactly the same situation that tempted me to come up with my own 'inquiry' about were I belonged to. I wrote 2 letters to the administration, from which were in excerpts later read to Maharishi, which finally led to my dismissal. This situation was certainly cult-like, extremely, but up until then, - in practise - it wasn't. The whole thing lasted for about 2 month, and one of my friends, got the most 'negative' votes (for being negative.) These people were then put off the group programme, the last week or so. This was my last week on Purusha. There were about ten people in this group, I being one of them, but not for 'negative' comments, but because of the situation I had brought up from my own side. During this time, I found much symphathy from the administration, and of course from my friends. Incidenty, this period was spiritually the most intense I had ever experienced up until then, because I was suddenly 'overshadowed' by the most sweet and intimate Divine presence I had ever encountered . I didn't do anything for it, I didn't make any decission myself (I could have at any point said that I had decided for MMY and wouldn't see MM anymore, or i could have simply left of course), but the presence that enveloped my was independent from what I thought or did. While the others, who were in 'quarantaine' were growing longer and longer faces everyday, being afraid of dismissal, I grew more blissful every day. Then, in the end, I was the only one sent away, and all the others were 'rehabilitated', that is could stay. Incidentally, some of the people who had interviewed me from the administration side,became real friends even after, and even came here. The person who told me about MMY's decission, a very sweet french Purusha is now enlightened and lives in France. I also met him here some years ago. > Start to develop > some emotional problems, and there was rarely anyone > you could turn to. Not true for me. I had lots of friends. At purusha there were doctors, which were very open. At Meru Press I could talk about virtually everything with my boss there. We had talks long in the night even.When he had heard that I had met MM (not MMY) he even congratulated me. > Not just no one to turn to for > help -- how many of us, after all, were trained *to* > help in such situations, but even to *talk* to. It > was as if the people who had such problems ran into > the "we don't focus on negativity" wall of silence. Not really my experience. While this not-focus-on-negativity was ceratinly a general attitude, it wasn't really strictly kept by everyone in practise. Some persons were like this, but many just wereen't > When the behavior or the doubts reached the point of > "excommunication," the apostates almost overnight > became "ex." Certainly not over night. The special purge I described was a one-time event, a very shocking one I must agree. It was ceratinly more of a shock tactics from the side of Maharishi. He even phoned when we were in the middle of the flying program to get it started. But in the end everybody got rehabilitated. And in my own situation, I realize it was ultimately the right decission for me. > They were forgotten; it was if they had > never existed. Rubbish. many letters, phonecalls etc. A year after the whole event, I got a letter from my Purusha friend saying that Maharishi would need Purushas, and that I could come back, not withstanding that I was with MM already for one year. I just decided not to return. > It was embarrassing to think about > them, because to think about them poked holes in the > oh-so-carefully-constructed myth, so no one ever did. > In retrospect, it was just the weirdest thing. Rubbish. > > And it wasn't just TM. Please don't interpret this > as a "dump on TM alone" rap. I saw *exactly* the same > pattern in the Rama trip. And I've encountered it in > other spiritual organizations since. I understand that there was a tendency for this, it was certainly a sort of a dogma to 'not engage in negativity' And certain people ceratinly were like this. But mostly everbody was just human. We lived together and spoke about everything. Also from the administration side, there weren't any taboos and I found a lot of understanding. Sure there were people I didn't like, who sorta exhibited the cult-mindset, but there were always enough people you could turn to. So, really I don't share your feelings. With all the revelation I have just given. To subscribe, send a message to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Or go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/ and click 'Join This Group!' Yahoo! 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