Hi all, I wrote a fairly long opening post - but I realized I would post it only if there are some people who could answer me with honest deliberation.
I will summarize the essence: my TM technique stopped working for me after about 20 years. I miss it sorely. Please don't take this lightly, I have meditated close to 30 years, been a TM sidha since 92 - most of my family learned TM or even sidhis. Some got AT as well, my mom went to see SCI several times and I translated stuff for the local TMO for years. I am a practicing Indian astrologer BTW. Let me recap what my question is about. Somehow, my basic meditation technique changed over the years, and since about 2001-2002 it has not been good at all - sometimes I felt it was downright unpleasant and destructive to my everyday life. While TM was the single greatest factor in stabilizing my life and making it colorful for over two decades, during the 21st century I gradually got to the point where I felt I should not do it at all â" sidhi sutras are OK, other traditional (long japa) mantras are also good, but every time I did TM, someone in my family acted like literally possessed. I felt weird and nervous - usually I concluded it was just a wasting of my time. Now I am not talking about a few times or days or weeks - a little over eight years. A psychologist that did Hellinger family therapy with me and my wife told us around 2005 that as hard as it could be, for a few years we would have to contemplate skipping âdeep meditationâ and stick to other, more superficial styles of connection with the absolute â" such as prayer, Zen or other awake techniques that keep you on the surface. Movement techniques of consciousness such as tâai chi etc. The reason she gave was one we both principally agreed with â" that we sort of opened doors by deep meditation that should not be left open all the time, and some forces entered that were very disturbing to our family unit. This psychologist that said this did not say this lightly, and she is not anti-meditation â" she meditates herself in Buddhist style and her partner is a TM sidha, which she accepts with joy. She said this after several years of trying to screen off an unpleasant psychic effect that manifested itself in my second wife (who is a Hatha Yoga teacher BTW). I asked her many times if this was her opinion of my entire TM past â" as I know she is quite critical of sects and cults. Turned out that it is not, she thought that â" based on seeing my subconscious played out by others in the group â" that it had been most helpful that I did TM through thick and thin for decades, and she also added that she hoped it would be soon when both of us could meditate again without any foreign forces intervening. As it was in 2006 or 2007, she said it was not safe for a while â" it was our decision. For a while I did not quite believe her and thought â" âwell, you may know a little about meditation, but you certainly donât know TM from firsthand experience, and certainly it has been much easier for me so far since I had learned it at a fairly tender age.â I tested this out almost a hundred times, and up till recently she was proven right. After a few hundred times when either my wife would suddenly act like a VERY severe case of PMS without anybody giving her a cause â" or if she felt OK, I would feel quite nervous and barely able to contain myself, I gave up. Mind you, this does not involve the sidhi sutras, nor simply resting â" as a several-decades-long meditator, sometimes I just had to lie down or close my eyes and some flashes of awake TC would hit me â" no problem. I could do sidhis and get no possession problems. However, it is just not the same feeling any more. I would also get TC experiences and âunstressingâ while simply listening to music or just resting if I was tired. (Come to think of it, I have been dissatisfied with MMYâs explanations of it since I learned of them about seven years after my initiation.) It is just not the same since I do not do sitting meditation â" just like when I learned of this type use of music, I realized that it was not the music itself â" it was the fact that I had done TM before and then even listening to music was different. I will write more on my meditation backgound or answer questions if I see there is valuable reaction. I am not interested in anti-TM propaganda, neither the usual stuff you would get at the local center from a starry eyed young teacher. Nor have I more stress in my life than in about 1985.
