[FairfieldLife] Re: Revelation and Conversion

[maskedzebra]

--- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, "authfriend" <jstein@...> wrote:

Traitor. Turncoat.

J: After working with me for 17 years now to discredit
Barry, staying discreetly behind the scenes until
just recently, you've decided to switch sides.

R: I am sorry, Judy, but Saul was sincere in his persecution of those 
Christians too; but after Christ struck him down, he just could no longer play 
the part. And I feel the same way about Barry and his gang. Besides, it was 
getting hard to be "Just parroting Judy". I am surprised though, Judy, you 
would reveal this information about my prior association with you before I 
started posting at FFL. But I will take this as your need to express your hurt 
that I should turn on you like this. Still, I think it was imprudent of you to 
do this. But the damage is done, and we must live with it.

J: Or were you on his side all along, acting as a double
agent, setting me up for this odious betrayal?

R: No no no, Judy. I did not anticipate this "odious betrayal"—it is not 
"odious" by the way; my conversion came about through a very real revelation. 
Just like Saul. Now you hate Paul, but it's too late, Judy. It would be an 
"odious betrayal" if I returned to hating Barry. I don't hate Barry, Judy; and 
if you knew what satisfaction and benefaction I derive from loving Barry—and 
knowing he was right all along—you would perhaps think the unthinkable and step 
up to that precipice of glory to join me.

J: That was the plan all along, wasn't it?

R: You are getting carried away here, Judy. This is what I call contamination 
of first person ontology such that what you end up saying is reckless and 
irresponsible. For Christ sake, don't become paranoid, Judy. You will recover; 
it is only a matter of time. But I categorically deny what you say here: there 
was no goddamn plan, Judy—*and you know it*.

J: It all becomes clear to me now. Your masters trained
you well in the art of deception; I never suspected.

R: For God's sake, get a grip, Judy. You are embarrassing yourself here. I had 
no "masters". And you do me an injustice to talk about "the art of deception". 
Just like with my enlightenment, I was deceived about Barry—you may have had 
something to do with this, after all. Becoming de-enlightened was equivalent to 
realizing that Barry was beautiful, and you, Judy, a bitter woman. Stop this 
ranting, Judy. Do you want to disgrace your good name—at least among those who 
I am sure even with this revelation of mine still want to remain loyal to 
you—if only just to support you psychologically?

J: But it hardly matters. The damage you've done with
this post is well-nigh irreparable. Almost two decades
of exhausting labor to counter everything Barry says,
even what he says outside the context of TM, everything
his *allies* say, straight down the tubes.

R: I think you are exaggerating here, Judy. You were wrong all those years 
about Barry; your efforts were wasted. But for all that, no one has ever 
questioned your sincerity*. And I don't here in realizing that Barry was right. 
I even think that perhaps once Barry accepts fully my fidelity to him—I will 
have to prove this by going cold-turkey on the irony front—he may even reach 
out to you. In forgiveness for your having persecuted him unjustly and only out 
the unloveliness of your personal life. Believe me, Judy, all this bleating and 
hand wringing will end once some of the grace which invaded me yesterday 
touches you. And it is bound to. Then you will relish the opportunity to make 
reparation [You see you were wrong about this, Raunchydog]. Barry is a good 
person, Judy: *You* drove him to act in the way he acted. And his response to 
you has always been appropriate. Of course I never realized this before my Road 
to Damascus experience; but afterwards, it couldn't be clearer to me that Barry 
has handled you always with a certain moral dexterity and intellectual 
adroitness—you have just been too hardened in your heart to see this. But it is 
true, dear Judy; poor Judy; pitiable Judy.

Good, best Karma Steve will vouch for all that I say here.

J:I imagine you're pretty proud of yourself right about
now. "For in the end, I assure you, Barry will be
vindicated."

R: Yeah, Judy, I admit it:I am glad to be on the right side. The vindication, 
it is imminent.

J: Yes, you've bloody well made sure of that, haven't you?

R: Yes, my clean and bountiful heart, once it has committed itself to a certain 
person becomes an engine of righteousness and justice on behalf of that person. 
Now I have never loved before, but the way I love and respect Barry now, it 
means the opportunity for the entire universe to get behind this conversion of 
mine. And of course this must mean, it does mean, it will mean, vindication, 
Judy. I can only pray to God Almighty that you will be able to go through this 
purgatorial fire.

J: "Barry is the martyr here."

R: You have said it.

J: No, *Judy* is the martyr here. But her blood, her
sweat, her toil, her unswerving devotion to the cause,
will not go unavenged. Enjoy your moment of triumph,
for it will not, it cannot last.

R: Oh, Judy, how I pity your cold and vengeful heart. Cease from this 
blackguarded and fanciful ambition. You are deluded here. Please, I beg of you, 
do not proceed with this dark passion, Judy. Anyone who reads what you have 
written here will know: this woman has become unhinged; she is a danger even to 
herself. Oh, poor Judy, how I wish you could know what I know. Don't you see? 
Barry—and his gang—were always right about you. For God's sake, Judy, *you are 
proving this by what you say here*. I am sorrowful unto death. I mean this, 
Judy.

J: [quoting Robin]"Would you even just for the sake of how much I have
defended you in the past, think about what I have said
here?"

J: Yes, I most certainly will think about it. And so will
others, the Others for whom I've been tirelessly
working, whose power is more vast than you dream. You
may be certain they've taken note of your perfidy, and
there will be, not a reconciliation, as you so fondly
imagine, but a showdown and a reckoning. Your masters
have overreached themselves and in so doing wrought
their own destruction.

R: Now you have gone too far, Judy. I command you: STOP ALL THIS. You are 
headed for perdition. You imagine your role in such grandiose terms, Judy. Who 
are these "Others"—and what power can they possible have over me—now that I 
live inside the grace of Barry? "More vast than you dream"—your imagination is 
running away with you here, Judy. I will stand and face this faceless 
multitude. And I will convince them of their own terrible misconception about 
you and about Barry. You see, Judy, I have been on both sides: devoted to you, 
now devoted to Barry. And I know the difference. These others who you think are 
faithful to you, they only need to hear the difference between my experience 
when I was under your thumb and now when I am under—thanks to Vaj for 
this—Barry's thumb. It really does remind me of that line in the Mass: "Lamb of 
God who taketh away the sins of the world". This is the Amsterdam experience, 
and the disciples of Barry have downplayed it almost deceivingly. This whole 
passage, Judy, it is disconnected from reality. You cannot tell me you know the 
future holds this kind of retribution. No. no, no, Judy: don't you see? The 
retribution will fall upon *you* if you persist in your ignorance of and 
prejudice towards Barry. I only hope that you are not taking all this lightly, 
Judy, pretending even that Robin is being ironic. How disastrous that would be, 
were you to read me in this way, Judy—and such an interpretation of my actions 
here in writing to you would be possible only if you are afraid of facing 
reality. Robin is being ironic. Don't you see how convenient this is, Judy? No, 
Judy, you must give up all this hatred and bigotry and embrace the truth. I 
have already told you what that truth is. Oh, you just don't know what it is 
like to break away from this cabal of conspiratorial distrust and paranoia. But 
I have said too much already. I shall pray for you, Judy.

J: Count on it...and tremble.

R: I can't tremble. Did Paul tremble for having rejected Saul? No, Judy: Saul 
trembled before the might of the Lord. And I trembled before the liberating 
vision of Amsterdam.

J: OR (your choice):
J: I grovel here before you, the bitter dust of
humiliation filling my mouth as I struggle to
formulate the words of my repentance.

R: Oh, dearest Judy; I cannot believe you are considering this alternative. I 
pray you choose THIS, Judy. It will be so glorious when we are one again—but on 
the right side.

J: "There are none so blind as those who will not see."
That was me, right up until the moment I read this
post.

R: I must admit to some confusion. Am I to suppose you conceived of this choice 
after releasing all that pent-up hatred and resentment in the first part of 
this post? But I am going to trust you here, Judy—that you are not playing some 
cynical game. I will (once again) ask Steve's advice about this: he will know 
whether you are being true or not. He always does.

J: I am still blinded, but now by the light, the blessed
light of Truth.

R: Right.

J: I dare not hope for reconciliation; my sins have been
too great for that. I can only pray that those whom I
have so grievously misled through my own hubris will
understand and accept what you have laid out before
them at such personal cost and repudiate the Cult of
Judy. For it is dead; Robin has slain it.

R: Yes, I think as I read these words, I have "slain" the "Cult of Judy". And I 
am proud of it, too. But are you sure it is dead, Judy? You must get all the 
rest of your followers to disavow their allegiance to you and you must make 
their good faith dependent upon transferring that allegiance to Barry Wright.

J: Robin, I cannot express my boundless gratitude for
the selflessness of the holy work you have just
accomplished here. In the pain with which it has
seared my very soul may others find sweet release.

R: I really feel this, Judy, and I rejoice that you can know finally what has 
been my experience since my conversion. See? I told you it would be a catharsis 
undreamed of. How miraculous you could so suddenly go from what you said in the 
first half of this post, to what you are now saying. Don't you feel the blessed 
difference, Judy? This is an instance of that principle when our first person 
ontology tracks reality. You have tracked reality, and you have drawn the 
obvious conclusion, and you are big enough to admit your error, your very 
grievous error. Your first person ontology feels so good to me right now. Monte 
Cassino: What does *that* mean after *this*? Not much, really.

J: Now let us all together, cleansed of our hatred and
joined in our determination to march forth into
sanctified renewal, repeat the beautiful prayer the
Devoted Brother Vaj has composed for us on this
awesome occasion:

Hail Barry, full of Grace, Blessed be the fruit of his
thumbs.

R: Yes—I hope you are not making fun of me here, Judy—and by implication, Vaj 
too—this will be our prayer. For me it really is Barry's "womb"—if understood 
again metaphorically. I have no problem using either word. Although "thumbs" 
probably is safer. It is such a wonderful moment in the eternity of FFL, Judy. 
I only pray that the FFL readers who have come this far in this post realize 
the full ramifications of this act of complete and perfect contrition. We can 
both someday go down on our knees in thankfulness that this moment finally came 
at FFL. And just think what the posts at FFL are going to be like now. Now that 
we have broken the bonds of this tyranny—a tyranny which you have imposed upon 
me and the others, Judy. *And upon yourself*. We are now under the aegis of a 
different kind of ruler: his rule, as you know, Judy, is born of magnanimity 
and charity and benevolence. I immediately recognized this the instant I 
surrendered to him. You will too. 

J: Can I get an AAAA-MEN?

Hallelujah!

R: This seems a little over the top to me, almost as if you are laughing at me. 
But I know this could not be true. We have gone on a journey together in this 
post of yours, Judy, and in my answer to your post. We have created 
invincibility in the country of FFL.

*Note to FFL reader: I had to say this. Of course deep down Judy could not have 
been sincere, else she would not have been hated by the virtuous and the 
gallant among us.**

**Ignore this, Judy: I had to say the above [*] to appease both sides in this 
dispute.
 


> --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, maskedzebra <no_reply@> wrote:
> >
> > In withdrawing from FFL I have had time to reflect upon my history there 
> > and the characters I have interacted with.
> > 
> > It will perhaps come as a shock to some, but in reading Barry more closely 
> > and without the intense bias that has gripped me right from the start when 
> > Barry appeared to make himself immune to the effects of my posts, I have 
> > concluded that essentially Barry is right. Right not just about Judy; but 
> > right about even myself. Barry is arguing from a point of view which I have 
> > up until very recently been unable to accept—even tolerate. And this was of 
> > course because of his refusal to take me seriously in what I said in all my 
> > posts. For Barry, these were tedious, narcissistic, and melodramatic. Well, 
> > it turns out he was right. At least this is the conclusion I have come to 
> > by being brave enough to consider that my own defensiveness and touchiness 
> > in reacting to his criticism of me and my posts was preventing me from 
> > having an experience that I needed to have: namely, that my own estimate of 
> > my posts did not necessarily coincide with the truth, with reality.
> > 
> > Whereas *his* estimate of my posts did achieve such correspondence.
> > 
> > So, as much as I hate to do this, given how much I have invested in this 
> > anti-Barry project, I have to admit it: Barry is not only correct in his 
> > assessment of Judy (see his argument with Emily and Raunchydog), his 
> > judgment of me and my posts is valid as well.
> > 
> > Now I would just ask the readers of FFL—those who have aligned themselves 
> > with Judy, with Robin, with the now departed Bob Price, with Jim and 
> > others—to reconsider their position, since for someone like myself to 
> > undergo a change of perception this significant, a change which I was 
> > determined would not and could not happen, suggests something very powerful 
> > at work here. You remember Saul persecuting the Christians and then being 
> > struck down on the Road to Damascus by Christ, and in the violence of his 
> > conversion becoming a fierce defender of Christ. Well, although I did not 
> > undergo quite as spectacular a transformation of belief, I think there are 
> > parallels here, and to the extent to which Saul became Paul, I have become 
> > a very different Robin. I don't say that Barry is Jesus or anything like 
> > that. That would be absurd. And even if I did think that Barry was Christ, 
> > I know he would only have contempt for such a view of him. So, no, I won't 
> > go that far. But I will say that in the main Barry has been right all 
> > along, and even his most vitriolic and bitter posts have been in the 
> > service of somehow forcing people to see what they, like me, were blind to.
> > 
> > Well, I have been persuaded, and in a way which really means something, 
> > that Barry is the martyr here, and I can't tell you (although Steve perhaps 
> > has somewhat had the foretaste of such a sensation—but only very mildly) 
> > how much better I feel, not just in my heart, but in my conscience. I am 
> > not going to congratulate myself on what I have accomplished here in 
> > mortifying my pride and my sense of righteousness to bend the knee and 
> > reverse course in my judgment of this person, but I do think that this is a 
> > lesson to all of us: no matter how certain and convinced one is right about 
> > someone—in this case Barry—there is always the possibility (as in the case 
> > of Saul) that one's position actually is in a contradictory relationship to 
> > reality, to truth,—to the way things really are.
> > 
> > This is undoubtedly the situation here. Barry in his posts has triumphed. 
> > And I am sorry to say this, but for Judy, Raunchydog, Bob Price, Jim and 
> > others not to see this, or at least not to consider this as a possibility, 
> > is nothing less than tragic. For in the end, I assure you, Barry will be 
> > vindicated.
> > 
> > I can only pray that Judy will realize the importance of contemplating this 
> > painful truth when she resumes posting tonight. Judy, are you there? I beg 
> > you to consider what I have said here, that Barry is sincere and right in 
> > his perspective—not just about you, but about me—and for that matter anyone 
> > else at FFL who has determined that Barry is a negative character (at least 
> > in what can be known about him from his posts which are critical of other 
> > posters). For me, Judy, this process has been very liberating. And I wanted 
> > to share this revelation with you before you, very predictably, went on the 
> > attack, which I believe Barry, presciently, has anticipated will be what 
> > happens just as soon as we see that first post of yours.
> > 
> > Judy, I think you an intelligent and well-meaning person; but Curtis and 
> > Barry—and even to some extent, although less passionately, Steve—have 
> > identified what is wrong with you; and I think you must be courageous 
> > enough to finally examine yourself, since I, who until just now was one of 
> > your most loyal supporters have undergone an extraordinary change of heart, 
> > and have admitted to myself that you are the person in the wrong here, that 
> > Barry is right. Would you even just for the sake of how much I have 
> > defended you in the past, think about what I have said here?
> > 
> > I pray that you will do this, Judy. Because were you to find yourself 
> > experiencing what I now experience, you would realize that in seeing Barry 
> > as sincere and right yields up an experience of happiness and sense of 
> > truthfulness which exceeds beyond what you can even imagine the experience 
> > and sense of truthfulness which is the result of holding to your present 
> > prejudice and antipathy towards Barry.
> > 
> > I am not expecting Barry to exonerate me from my past dealings with him; I 
> > don't even say he has to believe me in what I say here. But I can only say 
> > that those who have followed me in all my posts at FFL will recognize that 
> > in this instance, because I am going so much against the natural direction 
> > of my pride and self-esteem, I am communicating a truth which exceeds in 
> > its power and significance anything I have ever said at FFL.
> > 
> > And I will go one step further. I believe I have laid the basis for not 
> > just a rapprochement among the feuding parties, but the foundation for a 
> > real healing and reconciliation. I don't however believe it is incumbent 
> > upon Barry to respond to this declaration of my newly found faith—that will 
> > come soon enough. It is sufficient that I—and those who will follow me in 
> > this—express our humility and contrition, even though, as surely Barry 
> > knows, we were, when we opposed him, acting out of a sense of sincerity and 
> > rightness in all that we said.
> > 
> > But you see we were wrong. I can't speak for those who remain hostile to 
> > Barry; but I think, as in the case of Saul, there should be some hard 
> > thinking about this whole matter And I would ask at the very least that 
> > there is a moratorium on this Get Barry Campaign (which seemingly never 
> > ends) until there has been time to allow what I have said here to 
> > infiltrate the deeper regions of the heart—as well as the mind.
> > 
> > I am sorry, Judy. But this feels better. And I can only wish for you to 
> > have the experience I am having now.
> >
>