Testing. FYI. I just received this original post to my inbox this afternoon.
--- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, turquoiseb <no_reply@...> wrote: > > This post never "came back" from the Yahoo! black hole yesterday, so > I'll try again because I had so much fun writing it... > > > Overheard in a cafe on Ile Saint-Louis this morning: > > "Saul? Is that you? How amazing to run into you here in Paris. What are > you doing here?" > > "Knock it off, Morty. I saw you earlier stalking me outside my hotel, > and following me here. You probably stalked me here all the way from > L.A. What do you want?" > > "That was *your* hotel? I wasn't stalking you...I was...uh...just > looking through the garbage cans to see whether Parisians recycle. Yeah, > that's the ticket." > > "Cut to the chase, Morty. What the fuck do you want?" > > "I want to pitch you a story idea for a new series, Saul. I know that > you're interested in new ideas, original ideas, so I'm bringing it to > you first, even though a bunch of other producers are already bugging me > about it." > > "Yeah, right. But OK, I'm in a good mood, and the *real* writer I'm > waiting for isn't due for a few minutes, so you've got that long to give > me your 'elevator pitch.'" > > "Thanks, Saul. I call it 'True Attention.' It's a story about a bunch of > vampires who live in Faux Temps, Iowa and survive by sucking attention > from other people." > > "Iowa? It sounds more like L.A." > > "Yeah, we could probably set it in L.A. if you wanted. Anyway, the main > character is named Nookie Snackhouse, and she's *not* a vamp. But she is > half fey...sort of a closet fey...and she has this ability to read > people's minds, and know what their real thoughts and intentions are > even better than the people whose minds she's reading do." > > "She sounds like a real pain in the ass. But go on...where do the vamps > fit into all of this?" > > "Well, first, they're not real vamps, like in that other series that > this one is nothing like. They don't feed on blood or anything. Instead, > just as you noted, they feed off of attention. Being unable to generate > any kind of energy themselves, they suck it from other people by getting > them to focus on them." > > "So how do they do this? Do they, for example, stalk these victims whose > attention they want to steal halfway around the world and corner them in > a sidewalk cafe?" > > "No, no...nothing like that. Heh heh...good one, Saul. What they do, > since none of these attention vamps have actually ever DONE anything in > their lives that would attract the attention they feed off of, they get > people to focus on them by insulting them, trying to portray them as > stupid, and calling them names." > > "And that works?" > > "More than you might think. Many of the vamps in Faux Temps have been > running this number for *years*, and have managed to get a *lot* of > people to focus on them and give them their attention so that they can > feed off of it. And all without ever DOING anything to deserve that > attention in the first place." > > "I don't get it...they accomplish all this just by insulting people?" > > "Not *just* insulting people. Sometimes they make up stories about > themselves and try to convince others that those stories are real. For > example, they brag about their 'endarkenment,' or imply that they're > successes in life even though they've never been anything but wage > slaves. That's where Nookie comes in." > > "The suspense is killing me. Do tell..." > > "Well, as I said, Nookie is *not* one of these vamps per se, and in fact > is even less interesting than they are and has DONE even less in her > life than they have, but she can read their thoughts and so she knows > when they're bullshitting to attract attention and when they're not." > > "Aha. So she busts them when she catches them lying?" > > "No, not at all. That's the twist. She ignores their bullshit, and > instead praises them so that they'll focus on HER. When they do that, > she sucks *their* attention. So in effect, she's got all these attention > vampires *working for her*, stealing attention and energy from other > people, and then passing it along to her by focusing on her. Brilliant, > right?" > > "Sounds boring to me. Who on earth would tune in each week to watch a > bunch of people who have never DONE anything in their lives try to suck > attention, as if they were the center of the universe?" > > "Hey, Saul...don't knock it...it worked for 'Seinfeld.'" > > "Good point." > > "So? Ya interested?" > > "Not really. Got anything else?" > > "Well, I am working on another completely original treatment called > 'Freaking Mad.' It's about a mild-mannered meditation teacher who starts > selling black-market enlightenment..." > > "Nice talking to you, Morty. But I see a real writer approaching, so > buzz off. Give my secretary a call when you get back to L.A. We won't do > lunch." >
