Excellent followup. :-) The explanation of enlightened flatulence was...uh...a breath of fresh air amidst all the other smells so prevalent here.
I can tell you're really gettin' into the rhythm of this. Isn't it amazing how this stuff pretty much writes itself once you get started? I look forward to future installments... ________________________________ From: "Michael Jackson mjackso...@yahoo.com [FairfieldLife]" <FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com> To: "FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com" <FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com> Sent: Tuesday, August 19, 2014 2:28 AM Subject: [FairfieldLife] Day in the Life, Part 2 A Day in the Life (of a TM'er) Part 2 Governor watched Bevan move his corpulent bulk to the microphone on the raised dais just behind the flying area reserved exclusively for the Rajas. The foam there is laced with gold dust and the sheets are a thousand count real Egyptian cotton grown in India by Movement Indians. Rumors that the Egyptian cotton farmers were being exploited by Girish and the Indian Movement boys were…well, you know. At one time the Rajas had insisted on all silk sheets to fly on but these had proven too slippery and there had been quite a few collisions before they were exchanged for the cotton variety. Rumors that the rajas had cursed each other out using decidedly un-vedic language while holding their bleeding heads was just that, rumor. Bevan cleared his throat and began in that distinctive accent of his. "I have a few announcements before we begin the morning's program. First of all, I want to put to rest the very scurrilous rumors that have been circulating around the community for the last several weeks that the Rajas, our highly regarded and sattvic Rajas have been eating meat, pork meat no less and that it has been producing a good deal of flatulence on the part of the Rajas and this pork meat flatulence odor is ruining the programs of some of you here in the Mahaar-shee Patanjali Golden Dome of Pure Knowledge." Bevan paused and primped his mouth up in a very disapproving way before he continued his exposition of new knowledge. "These are horrid rumors and there is not a shred of truth in any of them. Let me remind you that all of our illustrious Rajas are fully enlightened, and I mean fully enlightened. Don't waste my time after program asking me what level of enlightenment I mean. When I say enlightened rajas, I mean full enlightenment! That which is beyond Brahmin consciousness! If we think of rajas, we must think of that which is beyond Brahmin consciousness at all times!" Here Bevan paused and took out a couple of chocolate cookies from an inner robe pocket and began to delicately devour them. Crumbs fell from his mouth onto the expensive sheets beneath his rather large feet. A small form darted out of the shadows behind Bevan and immediately made for those feet. As Bevan munched, the small skinny boy surreptitiously scooped up cookie crumbs and hurriedly stuffed them in his own mouth shooting questioning looks every now and again at Bevan as if fearful of being corrected on his behavior. Those who could see this byplay nodded and smiled. They knew it was Bevan's Indian punkawalla. All the Rajas had them. The little punkawalla was doing his job cleaning up after Bevan and all was right with the world, felt the Governor who smiled and nodded too. Bevan looked down at the boy and spoke a quiet word. The punkawalla leapt to his feet and sped back into an area that was curtained off from the rest of the Dome with very expensive sheets of linen embroidered with scenes from the Mahabharata. Moments later he emerged with a solid gold thermos that everyone assumed was filled with warm water, but the punkawalla swerved his nose away from the bottle when he opened it. The suggestions some had made that perhaps Bevan kept some beverage a bit stronger in his Maharishi Golden Thermos™ were crude, coarse and not to be believed. Bevan took a long draught from the bottle, smacked his lips, waved the punka away and continued. "As I was saying, when we think of the rajas, we think of the pinnacle of human evolution. We are enlightened! If air is issuing forth from our hindquarters it is wind of the highest vibration! It is not in fact flatulence but pure soma! Everyone knows that enlightened beings create only soma in their digestive systems and the soma of the Rajas is of the very finest quality! What you are smelling is the aroma of soma! You should feel honored to get even one whiff of the soma aroma of a Raja even once in your lifetime!" He paused to take another swig from the thermos. "It is more than the aroma of soma, it is in fact the breath of the gods themselves! We all know from Mahaar-shee's Supreme Knowledge that the Maharishi Vedic Gods™ feast on the soma produced by even a mere meditator. And of course we know the rajas produce only the very finest soma with their ayurvedically correct digestive systems and the Maharishi Vedic Gods™ gorge on this Maharishi Supreme Soma™. Thus the posterior exhalations of the Rajas are the exhalations of the Gods themselves, for they are in our digestive systems feeding on the royal Raja soma. Consider yourselves extremely fortunate to be allowed to breathe in the very breath of the Gods themselves, courtesy of your generous Rajas who are willing to give to you even the breath of the Gods from their arses! So inhale deeply, realize you are being blessed and stop your complaining or you may very well find yourselves in The Colony itself one day!" A palpable shudder ripples through the Dome. Governor can't believe Bevan mentioned The Colony, it being a punishable offence in the Great New Vedic State of Iowa to mention The Colony within a thousand yards of any of the many official Maharishi Flying Domes™ carefully and strategically placed according to Maharishi Vedic Vastu™ principles all over Iowa. Bevan takes another slug from his bottle and continues with a slight slur in his speech. Everyone assumes some great experience of bliss is causing the slur. "Now there are two other things we must go over. The first is: donations are down. You have all been slipping in your giving and this is not good! Just look at these robes I'm wearing!" he said with a flourish of his hand and a half twirl so everyone could get a look. "They are nearly six months old! I need a new set of robes for program, for everyday use and of course for rituals, celebrations and special occasions. I also need several new fawn colored Western style suits with matching gold ties when dealing with Outsiders, or what we used to call non-meditators. All of the Rajas need complete new wardrobes, both the Western and sattvic style wardrobes. These things are not cheap, people! They are made of the very finest silks and linens, all organically grown in India and Egypt, woven into cloth in India then sent to Hong Kong to be hand stitched and sewn by the finest most skilled Ayurvedic tailors in the world! These Maharishi Weavers™ and Maharishi Tailors™ all employ the very best Hindu pundits who perform the requisite rituals, yagyas and chant the appropriate mantras while the weavers and tailors are making our clothes. These pundits, tailors and weavers are not cheap! We need you to dig deep and give us those donations so that we, the pinnacle of Mahaar-shee's brilliant organization, can continue to make the proper impression on the rest of the unenlightened world as well as continue to provide an inspiring example to all of you here at home. In addition to new robes and suits we all need new crowns. I know gold doesn't tarnish. But as you are all aware, we the Rajas and Ministers of the Global Country of World Enlightenment™ have the natural ability to communicate with the Higher Beings. On a daily basis the angels, Archangels, Ascended Masters, Maharishi Vedic Gods™ and even Mahaar-shee and Guru Dev themselves communicate with us, giving us guidance and wisdom to disseminate to all of you. Just last night we, the Rajas and Ministers, had a meeting and during that meeting we communed with Mahaar-shee himself who told us that we needed to have new crowns made with a certain amount of pure platinum added to the beautiful gold for our crowns. The addition of pure platinum, which Mahaar-shee assured us was a form of soma precipitated by the Maharishi Vedic Devas™ into Mother Earth herself, will facilitate the ease with which we all can receive the Vedic Guidance of the Gods and Goddesses when we wear them. This is very important. As you all know, it became Vedic Law a few years ago that all Maharishi Citizens™ of the Great New Vedic State of Iowa™ must donate half of their income to the Movement. And the Maharishi Ministers of Taxes™ has assured me that all of you are doing so. But come on people, many of you are only donating the minimum! Where are your priorities? Dig deep, people these robes aren't getting any newer every time I wear them! There will be several Maharishi Ministers of Donations and Revenue™ sitting at tables outside the Domes as you exit who will be happy to take your extra donations to the Raja and Minister Robe and Crown Fund immediately after program. And I had better not hear I left my checkbook at home! God, how often have I heard that excuse!?" Bevan paused to take another long pull on his golden bottle and belched loudly. "Ahh, aroma of soma!" he said as he stepped a little unsteadily through the embroidered linens into his private flying area. Bevan and the ageing King Tony had been flying privately for some years now behind the linen barrier. And there was a lot of speculation as to what happened behind the linens, especially when in nearly every program sounds of loud snoring came from behind the linen walls. But as Bevan had announced a few months ago "There are absurd rumors circulating about that King Tony and I are sleeping during program due to the sounds coming from our flying area. These rumors are absolutely not true at all. The reason we have these linen barriers is that the Vedic Gods always do program with us, they bless us with their presence. The linen cloths are arranged to prevent you from being killed by the sight of the Vedic Gods. Only those with Maharishi Supreme Celestial Perception™ could withstand such a sattvic sight. We do this for your own protection, so be grateful. As to the sounds, far from being snoring, what you hear during program is actually the sound of the Gods roaring their approbation for us due to the amazing depth and richness of my, er our transcending." King Tony had grinned and nodded his agreement. Governor thought of that as he closed his eyes to begin his mantra. The meditation was its normal divine self. Thoughts on the background of bliss. The angels and devas flitted about zapping random people with blessings and bliss. A typical meditation in the New Vedic State of Iowa. Then came sutra practice where Governor had all the expected results. And then the celestial chime sounded, signaling the beginning of the flying time. No one had yet achieved full flying or even hovering, but that was the fault of collective stress in the world thought Governor. He felt in the interior of his flying garb and fished out the twenty dollar gold pieces everyone was expected to take with them to program. Relationship of body and akasha, lightness of cotton fibre. The hopping began. Governor hopped forward and made a right. He hopped down the long lane, slightly opening his eyes to make sure he was on target. He saw the bowls and felt sure he would not miss. At the end of every flying lane the gracious Ministers of Awakening and Collections had placed beautiful statues of Mahaar-shee and various Vedic Gods of Abundance. At the end of one lane were statues of Marshy and Lakshmi. At the end of another lane were statues of Marshy and Lord Kubera, another might have Marshy and Ganesh. Each statue was in full lotus with big smiles on their faces. Each of the statue's hands was turned palm up, holding a bowl made of 22k gold. The goal was to heft a golden coin or two and drop it in the bowl as you hopped by. There were two Vedic Pundits, relatives of Marshy, sitting by each pair of statues, performing the function of the silent witness, just by watching and making sure the governors and siddhas ponied up. If one or the other of the Vedic Pundits occasionally reached out and palmed a couple coins, tucking them into their robes, no one took notice. Extra sattva points were assigned by the Vedic Pundits to everyone who was able to drop the coins in the exact middle of the bowl as they reached the height of their hop. Raams, even though the legal tender of the New Vedic State of Iowa, were highly frowned upon as an offering to the Vedic Gods. "De gods love de gold!" say the pundits. Up and down the aisles the siddhas and governors went and the sounds of gold coins clunking into the gold pots was divinely sattvic. Later as Governor lay down to rest, the noise of the Vedic Gods roaring their approbation of Bevan and King Tony's transcending was quite loud. The music and aromas of the Gods during program - life was perfect in the New Vedic State of Iowa. End of Part 2
