By the time Simon got to the oncologist's yesterday he was in bad shape and had a hematocrit of just 8, which is close to a level that is not life-sustaining. They did an ultrasound to see if he was bleeding, which he did not seem to be. His spleen and liver are enlarged. It is either the lymphoma taking over his bone marrow, which is strange because his WBC and bilirubin are not bad, or a hyper-immune response to the lymphoma that is making his body kill his red blood cells and platelets. They gave him a dex and depo shot and were going to do a transfusion, but he fought the catheter being put in and could not breathe while he was fighting and his blood pressure dropped and they thought he would die. So they sent him home with no transfusion, with instructions for me to do he same amoutno f steroids I did the last time he seemed to be dying. Gray had left to go home to care for the other animals, thinking I would be waiting for 4 hours for the transfusion, so we then had to wait over 2 hours for him to return to get us.
Simon drank early in the night and walked a bit to change places to lie down, but more as if he was restless than energetic. His breathing is rapid and shallow, and he does not want to be pet or held, though he closes his eyes a little if I put a finger on his forehead. He meowed 3 times during the night, one meow each time. I feel like it is obvious he is dying this time and have thought of tranquilizing him and perhaps helping him along, but Gray keeps saying I was ready to do that last time and he rebounded and that maybe steroids will do something. Ironically, the feline interferon is due to arrive on Monday. A part of me does want to see if he can make it until then, but he really does seem close to death this time, in a way that, unknowingly to me, he did not last time, in that he seems to take little to no comfort in anything including being pet, and he does not seem able to sleep much. He is breathing with his mouth closed, so he is not panting or anything, but if I am within 3 or 4 feet of him I can hear his breaths. And about a half hour ago his abdomen made some really strange movements as if he was starting to convulse or something, but it was just a few times and did not involve the rest of his body. Gray feels so strongly we should just let him be and stay near him and send him good thoughts and pray for him, and I am wondering, again, if he is suffering for no reason. Gray says it is arrogant for me to think i know he is dying and nothing will help, since I really did think that last time and he rebounded to being so energetic and happy and stayed like that for a month. I do not know what to think. I know that last time I felt I could not get myself to leave his side, and this time it is hard for me to be near him. Probably because he took comfort in my presence more last time, and now I can not really touch him but just watch him like this. I do not know what to do. Please send him prayers and energy, either that he rebounds quickly or passes quickly and peacefully. And maybe, more than anything, that he is able to sleep and have good dreams, as he really does not seem to be sleeping much at all. I may not be online much, as it was hard even to write this, but i wanted to let you know and ask you to pray. Thank you, Michelle
