Dear list readers,
It is interesting that in this list there are many whose whole existence is
to be an extension of the family into which they were born and to satisfy
the wishes of that set of family values without thought for self or partner.
Let me say from three decades of experience that this doesn't succeed and
the hundreds of ex-pat indians studying here in my city are proving that it
isn't necessary or followed much either.
There is another myth apparent here in this list that gay kids in gay
relationships can't have kids and satisfy the grandparents with
grandchildren.
This is also not true. Gays parenting is a weekly occurrence in Australia
and elsewhere where gay relationships are recognised and respected.
Why are we not hearing from the women who married gay men without their
knowledge, or are they still just meant to be seen and not heard ?
Human beings are created as worthwhile individuals with bodies, minds and
spirits or their own. They are not an extension of their parents. Parents
fortunate enough to have gay kids need to recognise that this privilege is
not something that can be the experience of all because only 10 out of every
hundred births come into the world with that propensity. Not all follow
their instincts of course and with extensive contacts with such closetted
gay men whose present age is over 50 in India today I find that they are not
fulfilling all that they are capable of or have been created to become.
Pregnancy for those who find themselves in the position of being married to
a gay husband who can't "consumate" the marriage is possible however, as is
the potential to have orgasmic fun in bed with their partners, even without
intercourse. In fact many women who have relied on intercourse for orgasmic
pleasure are still waiting even after many decades of traditional sexual
practice with their husbands.
I am also a bit concerned that the therapeutic potential that this list
provides is being white-anted by those with black and white opinions. It
would be better if people commented on how they perceive they feel about a
given situation rather than how other people should be thinking and then let
people see where they fit in the discussion rather than feel bad about the
obvious diatribe that comes through occasionally.
I would also be interested in opinions on the subject of arranged marriages
versus love marriages for those readers of this list. One of my heros is a
high caste Brahman indian who successfully married his tribal indian
childhood sweetheart and now are producing acceptable grandchildren. It was
a very traumatic experience for the paternal grandparents but the outcome is
one of the sweetest love stories of all time which the husband and I shared
over coffee in the Singapore airport. So much for the so called honour bound
purpose of being children in a family. Some in India live for family and
some die prematurely because of the nature of family honour. Fortunately
some people chose not to live according to family traditions because they
are traditions not worth emulating. One that comes to mind is educating
only the male child regardless of the skills and potential that the female
child might have. Hopefully more options might be available for gay siblings
as we all share experiences. One of the present day traditions for the cure
of lesbians in some cultures is forced gang rape by males in a community
setting as a re-conditioning process, and the trauma of a gay man being
coerced into sexually penetrating a women to whom he was forceably married
in the name of tradition is a form of similar human rights abuse.
Geoffrey
Geoff Heaviside
HIV/AIDS Policy Consultant
Convenor - Brimbank Community Initiatives Inc
Secretary - International Centre for Health Equity Inc
Member - Australasian Society for HIV Medicine Inc
Member - ILGA Brussels
P.O. Box 606 Sunshine 3020
Victoria. Australia.
Ph: 0418 328 278
Ph/Fax : (61 3) 9449 1856
or in India
Mr Geoff Heaviside
Mobile : (91) 9840 097 178
(SMS when not in India)
"The new century is not going to be new at all if we offer only charity,
that palliative to satisfy the conscience and keep the same old system of
haves and have-nots quietly contained."
Group Site:
http://www.gaybombay.info
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