Re: g_b can't we make this sacrifice, to make our parents happy?

Sat, 11 Mar 2006 10:55:56 -0800

sweetheart...i love my parents.  they are the most important people in my life and their happiness means the whole world to me.  but that does not give me the right to trap a girl into a "marriage" i am completetly disinterested in.  it would mean either living my whole life against my instints devoid of passion and true love or cheating on her.  i would rather go through this period of pain for my parents and me, be there for them, wait for them to come to terms with my true nature and take it from there on. 
 
the two options you have concluded your mail with arent really the only two options available to gay men.  your outlook only belies your lack of courage to face the challenges you are up against.  and by no means am i saying the challenges you and i have to face as gay men are trivial.  but they are our challenges that we have to face...call it karma...call it a blessing...call it a curse.  those of us who come out of it with are wits about us will live.  the other wimps will be advising hapless youngsters on how to get a hard on with women so that they may fulfill their parents desperate superficial dreams...against their true nature and leading everyone involved into perpetual despair.

coolclump <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
hi there,
i've always been a silent spectator of this grp. after reading ur
reaction for gays marrying straight women, i've a humble
comment/doubt to put forth:
won't it be selfish of us(gays) if we deny getting married? cuz, the
majority of the parents of gays are conservative and it's a matter
of pride for them to get their sons/daughters married.

and we're here on the earth only because of them. it's our parents
who've given us an identity. aren't we obliged to go by their words
as in case of marriage?

can't we make this sacrifice, to make our parents happy? and i'm
sure gays will definitely have children after marriage. that'll also
make our parents happy grandparents na..?

well, this is not my principle or opinion. it's just a small doubt
that has kept me in conflict for quite a long time. and i just wanna
know how other gays 'll respond to this..

i understand ur point also but would u or anyone substantiate ur
point of view?

how'll u tackle a question as this? would u prefer saying-'yes, i'm
selfish' or 'no, i'll better make my conservative parents happy...'



cheers..
v


--- In gay_bombay@yahoogroups.com, Sonub Jalan <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:

rent you contradicting yourself? "Sex is in the mind" and "still at heart we are gay"...who are you fooling? If you have indeed attained intimacy with your wife (proving that it is possible) then why the need to be here?

I dont know under what circumstances you have had to marry and I will not like to sit in judgement of your actions. But this is definitely not the advise you can give to people who are under pressure to get married to a woman. What such people (people like me) need to know is that you will then be using a woman's life to experiment. You are living in denial about what you and she needs and someday you will not be able to live the pretence any longer.

For those of you who are married...you can spend the rest of your life "adjusting" and "rubbing your wife's cheeks" or acknowledge the clossal mistake you have made and go your separate ways. Acknowledge that you are "not a perfect husband like heteros" and a hetro is what any straight woman deserves, while you are respnsible for denying her that.

And then maybe some of you married guys have been lucky in that your wife has waited long enough for you to "get physical as if it means nothing to you as would between two friends". I know of women who kicked the living daylights out of their husbands for not being good enough. Lots of rounds to hospitals to cure their impotency. So dont you dare make your plight a general rule.

Get real guys. While the honourable GB list jury is still out on whether true love is possible in the gay world, I believe it is better to be alone than to live a lie.

I have fought really hard not to marry, being the only son in a very conservative family. It has affected my parents health and been the cause of a lot of tension in my family. But I would rather live with this than a wife with whom I need to develop intimacy and "Achieving sex with one women" against my instincts.

abbey fifty <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: Guys, I'd like to make two points:

1. I share Sumeet Mehra's experiences and having done the deed, ( marrying )the best option is to try hard to adjust. And the best policy is NOT to try getting hard - just befriend your wife, get intimate in all other ways, and then very slowly, get physical as if it means nothing to you as would between two friends -like putting hand over shoulder, a kiss on the cheek and just holding hands. The important thing is to get so used to these things that you are not conscious. After a few months, you will be mentally relaxed enough for stirrings of physical feelings to emerge. Remember sex is in the mind. So relax and let time go. I went through this phase and though not a perfect husband like heteros, we do get along.

2. We are on the list because, still, at heart we are gay in that we are attracted physically by men. Achieving sex with one women means nothing much except that u get to know her so well, that one learns to get along, if you know what I mean. It happens. But the feelings stop with that one women. Emotionally, we are very much on g-side. I am sure other married men will understand this. But I know others will not, and I have no wish to cross swords with them.

My purpose of writing this is to give emotional support to "arsg" , Summet and others like them ( and me)because I am sure there will be acidic comments to the contrary. Warm regards, A

--- Sonub Jalan <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:

If you have accomplished what you have advised, what are you doing on this list?

Sumeet Mehra <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: Hi asrg!

I am giving you just my point of view.

I do understand in what difficult situation you are.

Maybe you might have never thought that you would land up in such a situation. See its difficult but not impossible. You can lead a very good sex life with your wife. I am sure you have some thoughts that is not letting you have feelings for your wife. But as you have told you can not disclose your sex identity to you family and please never do that. You may land up in very complicated state of life.

See nothing in this world is impossible. You need to remove all passimist feelings from your mind. You can surely have sex with your wife. Treat her as your soul mate not wife. Understand her. She is the one who has hold your hand and entered in your family. So she deserves your unconditional love. Love her. She is the one who has taken your parents as her own. Respect her. Try giving her love. See till you do not try nothing will happen. Don't forget that if one desires one can do any thing and make impossible also possible.

Make Love. You need not do sex, till you are not prepared. But you can surely make her feel loved. Slowly and gradually as you proceed start getting involved in her. More you get involved more you will make her satisfy. Just forget the world. Even Foget yourself, your individuality. Get lost in her. Then you will see how things change. Do not resist any feelings. Let it come let it pass by. Do not be concerned even if you do not get hard. Just go on and on. Do not think of jumping for intercourse. Make her feel that she is the most loved person in your life. You will then realise and will then understand what I have said is truth- Nothing is impossible. You will get hard...harder...hardest and she will then be the most happiest woman marrying to you.

Believe me, let any one say any thing. Let the whole world say that gay can not have sex with females. But I am sharing with you my very personal experience. I know reading this some guys may object and will say that I am Bi. But guys I was not Bi before having sex with my wife.

So if you try the same way as I did. You will surely succeed. Even Impossible says that I am Possible. So get set go. Enjoy!!!

Regards and All The Best, Sumeet

asrg_3 <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: I am a gay living in Amritsar, Punjab. I have no feeling for girls but I have been married to a girl under my family prssure. I cann't come out. I am a reputed person and afraid of my family and society. I am not able to do anything with my wife even after five months of my marriage. Please tell me what should I do? Iam very much frustated.

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