Hi Pete,
> On Jun 19, 2018, at 9:02 PM, Pete Resnick <presn...@qti.qualcomm.com> wrote:
>
> Reviewer: Pete Resnick
> Review result: Ready with Issues
>
> I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
> Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
> by the IESG for the IETF Chair. Please wait for direction from your
> document shepherd or AD before posting a new version of the draft.
>
> For more information, please see the FAQ at
>
> <https://trac.ietf.org/trac/gen/wiki/GenArtfaq>.
>
> Document: draft-ietf-ippm-twamp-yang-11
> Reviewer: Pete Resnick
> Review Date: 2018-06-19
> IETF LC End Date: 2018-04-27
> IESG Telechat date: 2018-06-21
>
> Summary:
>
> Ready with maybe Issues, but probably just Nits. Not my area of expertise by
> any means, but the document looks generally solid. Could definitely use a bit
> of copy editing.
>
> Major issues:
>
> None.
>
> Minor issues:
>
> I don't think there are any issues here. However, some of the things I've got
> as Nits in the below section could amount to actual issues if I've
> misunderstood what you meant. The editorial suggestions I give below should be
> fine if they are nits, but do make sure that I haven't identified a real
> issue.
>
> Nits/editorial comments:
>
> 3.1 - s/The test session name that MUST be identical/The test session name,
> which MUST be identical (Unless you mean something really weird that I don't
> think you mean. If you don't see the difference, then trust me, you mean
> "which", not "that”.)
You mean in Section 3.3. How about s/The test session name that MUST be
identical with the/The test session name MUST be identical to the/?
>
> 4.1 -
>
> OLD
> Specifically, mode-preference-chain lists the
> mode and its corresponding priority, expressed as a 16-bit unsigned
> integer, where zero is the highest priority and subsequent integers
> increase by one.
>
> This is a bit confusing. I think you mean:
>
> NEW
> Specifically, mode-preference-chain lists the mode and its
> corresponding priority, expressed as a 16-bit unsigned integer.
> Values for the priority start with zero, the highest priority, and
> subsequent priority value increases by one.
I can see why this can be confusing. How about ...
NEW
Specifically, mode-preference-chain lists the
mode and its corresponding priority as a 16-bit unsigned
integer. Values for the priority start with zero, the highest priority, and
decreasing priority value is indicated by every increase of value by one.
>
> OLD
> In turn, each ctrl-connection holds a list of test-session-request.
> test-session-request holds information associated with the Control-
> Client for this test session.
>
> A bit awkward. I suggest:
>
> NEW
> In turn, each ctrl-connection holds a test-session-request list. Each
> test-session-request holds information associated with the
> Control-Client for this test session.
Ok.
>
> OLD
> The Control-Client is also responsible for scheduling TWAMP-Test
> sessions so test-session-request holds information related to these
> actions (e.g. pm-index, repeat-interval).
>
> The word "so" in there is weird. Do you mean "therefore", or "such that", or
> something else? I just had a bit of trouble understanding what you meant.
We meant “therefore”. Will make the change.
>
> 4.2 - In the penultimate paragraph, change "key-id" to either "The key-id" or
> "The KeyID”.
Will change it to “The key-id”.
>
> Please note: I did not thoroughly review the YANG in section 5.2 or the
> examples in Section 6 or Appendix A. I gave them a quick run through, but did
> not check for complete consistency with the rest of the text. The below two
> items are simply things I happened to spot because I was looking at particular
> pieces of the module.
>
> 5.2 -
>
> leaf priority {
> type uint16;
> description
> "Indicates the Control-Client Mode preference priority
> expressed as a 16-bit unsigned integer, where zero is
> the highest priority and subsequent values
> monotonically increasing.";
> }
>
> I am almost positive that you don't mean "monotonically increasing". I'm
> guessing you mean "increase by one”.
Will update this description to match the comment you made above or whatever we
agree to.
>
> Depending on the Modes available in the TWAMP Server
> Greeting message (see Fig. 2 of RFC 7717), the
> this Control-Client MUST choose the highest priority
> Mode from the configured mode-preference-chain list.";
>
> Typo: "the this Control-Client”
Will fix it to say “the Control-Client”.
Thanks.
>
>
Mahesh Jethanandani
mjethanand...@gmail.com
_______________________________________________
Gen-art mailing list
Gen-art@ietf.org
https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art
