Hi Mahesh,
Trimming a bit:
On 20 Jun 2018, at 0:36, Mahesh Jethanandani wrote:
3.1 - s/The test session name that MUST be identical/The test session
name,
which MUST be identical (Unless you mean something really weird that
I don't
think you mean. If you don't see the difference, then trust me, you
mean
"which", not "that”.)
You mean in Section 3.3.
Yes, sorry about that. Section 3.1 has a similar problem:
s/The test session name that uniquely identifies/The test session name,
which uniquely identifies
and I forgot to note that one.
How about s/The test session name that MUST be identical with the/The
test session name MUST be identical to the/?
That's not quite right. You are giving a list of fields (as you say,
"Primary configuration fields include:"), so you don't want something in
that list that is a rule. The field is "the test session name", and that
field MUST be identical to the client name.
When you say, "the test session name that MUST be identical with...", it
sounds like there is more than one test session name, and you're talking
about the one that MUST be identical with the client name. Similarly
with the above, it sounds like there's one test session name which
uniquely identifies it, and one that doesn't uniquely identify it.
That's not what you mean.
4.1 -
OLD
Specifically, mode-preference-chain lists the
mode and its corresponding priority, expressed as a 16-bit unsigned
integer, where zero is the highest priority and subsequent integers
increase by one.
This is a bit confusing. I think you mean:
NEW
Specifically, mode-preference-chain lists the mode and its
corresponding priority, expressed as a 16-bit unsigned integer.
Values for the priority start with zero, the highest priority, and
subsequent priority value increases by one.
I can see why this can be confusing. How about ...
NEW
Specifically, mode-preference-chain lists the
mode and its corresponding priority as a 16-bit unsigned
integer. Values for the priority start with zero, the highest
priority, and
decreasing priority value is indicated by every increase of value
by one.
That's fine. It's a little verbose, but the RFC Editor can suggest any
wordsmithing if necessary during their edit.
OLD
In turn, each ctrl-connection holds a list of test-session-request.
test-session-request holds information associated with the Control-
Client for this test session.
A bit awkward. I suggest:
NEW
In turn, each ctrl-connection holds a test-session-request list.
Each
test-session-request holds information associated with the
Control-Client for this test session.
Ok.
Thanks.
OLD
The Control-Client is also responsible for scheduling TWAMP-Test
sessions so test-session-request holds information related to these
actions (e.g. pm-index, repeat-interval).
The word "so" in there is weird. Do you mean "therefore", or "such
that", or
something else? I just had a bit of trouble understanding what you
meant.
We meant “therefore”. Will make the change.
Ah, good. The other solution is to put a comma before "so".
4.2 - In the penultimate paragraph, change "key-id" to either "The
key-id" or
"The KeyID”.
Will change it to “The key-id”.
Sounds good.
Please note: I did not thoroughly review the YANG in section 5.2 or
the
examples in Section 6 or Appendix A. I gave them a quick run through,
but did
not check for complete consistency with the rest of the text. The
below two
items are simply things I happened to spot because I was looking at
particular
pieces of the module.
5.2 -
leaf priority {
type uint16;
description
"Indicates the Control-Client Mode preference priority
expressed as a 16-bit unsigned integer, where zero is
the highest priority and subsequent values
monotonically increasing.";
}
I am almost positive that you don't mean "monotonically increasing".
I'm
guessing you mean "increase by one”.
Will update this description to match the comment you made above or
whatever we agree to.
Thanks.
Depending on the Modes available in the TWAMP Server
Greeting message (see Fig. 2 of RFC 7717), the
this Control-Client MUST choose the highest priority
Mode from the configured mode-preference-chain list.";
Typo: "the this Control-Client”
Will fix it to say “the Control-Client”.
Perfect.
Thanks.
Thanks for your speedy reply.
pr
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