Goanet meets in Goa: December 27, 12 noon and January 7, 4 pm (meeting point: Kala Academy canteen). See you there! ------------------------------
SHE'S A KATLIC, MEN! Thou shalt drink Thou shalt jive' If there were commandments requiring you to be a 'Katlic', those would be the first two. 'What to do, men?', I always find myself facing people who exclaim "What, Men! you don't drink! What kind of Katlic are you?' (As though the Pope decreed it) Then as if the answer to the next question would redeem me, they hastily ask, 'Do you jive?' An affirmative nod saves my soul and I am admitted back into the fold. By religion we are Roman Catholic, because we are governed by the Church in Rome, not because we have dual passports. By culture and our peculiar accent, we're Katlic or 'Mack' (MakKaPau) as people refer to us after they've known us for two sentences. How can anyone miss the 'What men?' (Where the 'men' comes free with every sentence quite oblivious to the fact that you're woman). Or other phonetic jewels like 'tree' (for three), Tirty (for thirty) 'aahks' (for ask), 'doll'(for dhal), 'dat' (for that), or 'faader/mudder' (for father/mother) that I would like to believe is some dialect of German. But Nein, its trademark. 'Mack' talk "Then what!" is another gem of a rejoinder. But pronounced 'Den wot". And of course who can forget the famous Mack dismissive line 'Wot goes of yours?' or even more pointedly 'Your fadder what goes?' Of the several theories that float around, one says 'Mack' is a derivative of 'makka-pau' (bread and butter, the other way around) because, supposedly, that's what Katlics eat first thing in the morning!!! The drinking of course, we're sure of. "Michael daru peekay danga karta hai" from the film Majboor tells a small part of the story. We drink at Holy Communion parties, Christenings, at other festivals too. We drink on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays....... You get the picture. But comes the Lenten Season, abstain from it for the whole period of 40 days or more. And of course we drink at those crazy carnivals called Katlic weddings. Where you dress up, quaff wine, trip on the confetti, stride in the Wedding march, get sozzled, eat potato chops, vindaloo, sorpotel, pork roast, do the mandatory Birdie dance, throw the bouquet and finally wake up the neighbours with off-key renditions of 'He's a jolly good fellow' as you zig-zag home!!!! And next morning criticize the Bride's dress, the ring, the make- up, the cake, the food.... just about everything. Katlics love to sing. Wherever there's a Mack -gathering, not counting funerals, there's a sing-song session. 'My Bonnie lies over the ocean', 'When the saints go marching in' and the quintessential Annie's song. Not forgetting 'Show me the way to go Home' No Mack party is complete without a guitar and at least one sloshed uncle who will be dragged home by embarrassed relatives!!!! Katlics mourn with the same passion, wearing black at funerals and for months after, and fasting with fervour at Good Friday. But as December comes around, you'll find Crawford Market and Hill Road besieged by Katlics from Vasai, Myra (Mira) Road, Bandra, Maim (for Mahim), Dhobi Talao and Marine Lines, taking home so much lace you are not quite sure whether it's for the dresses or the curtains!!! At Christmas, Katlics make kul-kuls, newries, Bebinc, marzipans, guava cheese and the mandatory Christmas cake. And wine which is drunk by the gallon. And go to midnight mass at 8p.m. Then in the 30degrees centigrade heat, they wear jackets and ties to Willingdon or Catholic Gym and jive the night away. Though being a Katlic may be more about cultural togetherness than going to mass every Sunday, we religiously fulfil the requirements. To be a really Good Katlic, you must go inside the church. They have a name for people who don't..........'Outstanding Katlics'. If you are a Katlic, you subscribe to the 'Examiner' where Katlic girls search for Katlic boys with 'sober' habits and own accommodation. Canadian or Gulf NRI's are prize catches. Good Katlics go to confessions. When we were kids, we knelt in the dark confessional and sincerely asked for forgiveness. And got off with a couple of 'Hail Marys'. The sins were standard: 'I beat my sister' and 'I told lies in school'. Of course when we grew up we either stopped going or confessed to only the simple sins and hoped God would get the others telepathically. We didn't want to give old Father Andrew a minor heart attack. Besides, by then our idea of what constituted a 'sin' had changed. And there's just so many Hail Marys one can say. Redemption would demand a lot, lot more. Good Katlic girls anoint themselves after every four-letter word and go to confession the morning after their wedding night. Katlic boys are in a different league altogether. They simply play hockey or football till they die!!! ########################################################################## # Send submissions for Goanet to [EMAIL PROTECTED] # # PLEASE remember to stay on-topic (related to Goa), and avoid top-posts # # More details on Goanet at http://joingoanet.shorturl.com/ # # Please keep your discussion/tone polite, to reflect respect to others # ##########################################################################