One of the worst aspects of abuse is that other people often identify with the abuser. The abusee gets scapegoated. At the very least they are made to feel bad, like they are making a fuss over nothing. abuse happens because others let it happen and worse, defend the abuser. I am appalled that people are defending abusive behaviour, making light of it. This abuse did not happen by accident, it was not misinterpreted words, it was deliberate and clear. Very few emails have been in support of those of us who stood aganist the abuse. the abuse is still going on. I cannot mention who got it, but a friend recently got an email from a current lister which started 'you evil bitch'. The feeling of of being disbelieved, of the complaints being dismissed as trivial, as not important, leaves one doubting one's sanity. What has happened here is very like what happens in dysfunctional familes. The victim is scapegoated, the abuser supported and people bend over backwards to ignore what is happening and go to great lengths to escuse, explain, and minimise the abusers behaviour. the list is not a safe place any longer. I unsubbed to deal with my own stuff and read th archives from a safe place where I would not be able to send off a reply easily. The recent mails in defence of abuse, for that is what it is, made me feel I could not keep quiet. One thing has made me feel really angry-the person who recieved this 'you evil bitch'email has kept queit about it on list becasue they are afraid of being scapegaoted and blamed. So instead a lister is allowed to get away with this and have people continue to think they behave well. I am amzed this stae of affairs has come about on this wonderful list.
-- bw colin DAK,BRO GC, 950i 940,860,864, 260, 890,Silver 830 and 270, Passap 6000 Duo80 [EMAIL PROTECTED] http://www.tantra-apso.com
