Dear Colin: I am so happy to see you and pleased that you are explaining why you took a respite from the list. In regards to abuse and ignoring it, I sometimes find that when someone reports being abused, other people will come forward with stories that the alleged abuser was kind or nice to them. I believe this happens because sometimes a person is shocked to hear "X" has been abusive when their experience with "X" person has been so different. Of course to the one being and/or feeling abused...this response appears to be unsupportive.
There are other people who WILL actually be discounting by reporting their positive experiences with "X". Implicit or explicit in their message lies "so you must have done something nasty in order to receive such a response from "X". And then of course there are those people who believe they are being abused when the alleged 'abuser' never meant to 'abuse' them. You know the old saying "You can dish it out but you can't take it"? What to do? I do not know the answers...but good old Rodney King after being beaten by the LA cops said "Hey, why can't we all just get along?" Of course he had a million dollar lawsuit going as well... Seeing your name come up on my computer brightened my morning...which is about to get even better with a freshly brewed cup of coffee with half and half along with some LEMON BREAD warm from the oven. Love and Peace.......Sharon colin wrote: > > One of the worst aspects of abuse is that other people often identify > with the abuser. The abusee gets scapegoated. At the very least they are > made to feel bad, like they are making a fuss over nothing. abuse > happens because others let it happen and worse, defend the abuser. > I am appalled that people are defending abusive behaviour, making light > of it. This abuse did not happen by accident, it was not misinterpreted > words, it was deliberate and clear. Very few emails have been in support > of those of us who stood aganist the abuse. > the abuse is still going on. I cannot mention who got it, but a friend > recently got an email from a current lister which started 'you evil > bitch'. > The feeling of of being disbelieved, of the complaints being dismissed > as trivial, as not important, leaves one doubting one's sanity. > What has happened here is very like what happens in dysfunctional > familes. The victim is scapegoated, the abuser supported and people bend > over backwards to ignore what is happening and go to great lengths to > escuse, explain, and minimise the abusers behaviour. > the list is not a safe place any longer. > I unsubbed to deal with my own stuff and read th archives from a safe > place where I would not be able to send off a reply easily. The recent > mails in defence of abuse, for that is what it is, made me feel I could > not keep quiet. > One thing has made me feel really angry-the person who recieved this > 'you evil bitch'email has kept queit about it on list becasue they are > afraid of being scapegaoted and blamed. So instead a lister is allowed > to get away with this and have people continue to think they behave > well. I am amzed this stae of affairs has come about on this wonderful > list. > > -- > bw > colin > DAK,BRO GC, 950i 940,860,864, 260, 890,Silver 830 and 270, Passap 6000 > Duo80 > [EMAIL PROTECTED] > http://www.tantra-apso.com
