Catherine wrote, and Colin responded: ">I'm like that too. I hate it. I always pick bastards. >What's my friggin' problem? > The problem does lie with you. Not that you only imagine them to be bastards but that you are attracted to and accept treatment/behaviour that is detrimental to you but that you are used to. Once we have learned to value our own selves, we cease to be attracted to those that don't value us. [. . . ]"
OK. Colin, I get this; I really do. But doesn't at least some of the problem lie with the bastards for being. . .well, JERKS?? Obviously, we're responsible for a lot of the negativity we let into our lives. And yes, we can only control our own behavior, not anyone else's. But I can't help but think that some people put up with abuse because they are fundamentally loving and trusting. They believe, for too long, and against all evidence to the contrary, that the person they care about is basically good and decent, and/or will change. The result is bad, certainly, but is the hope? This line of thought also sometimes reminds me of the trend in some "New Age" thought to emphasize the power of positive thinking to counter life-threatening illnesses. . .with the very damaging flip side that, if the patient doesn't recover quickly or, God forbid, dies, they must not have been "positive" enough. It's his or her own fault. So to close: yes, I (or you) can let it in, or not let it in. But doesn't the ultimate root of the illness/negativity lie elsewhere? Mary P., rambling on on a Saturday afternoon, and wishing she lived in a world where all human beings took responsibility for their own Inner Jerkdom. ;-) After all (more seriously, now), peace begins at home.
