Hi all,
Praise the Lord!
Today as I went for the Sunday Mass,my heart was heavy
for some reason I didn't know.But after I received
Jesus,I felt abundant peace flowing through me.As I
knelt down and adored Jesus in my heart,I saw Him
seated on a throne...I sat beside His foot and touched
His feet and suddenly saw something...the wound...it
was for me....suddenly I cried and tears started like
a fountain...and then I was aware of the
surroundings...I looked through the corner of my eyes
and was happy nobody noticed me.....
It is so wonderful to cry in front of the Lord......I
just remembered what Deepak wrote in his last
mail(Title:when i am weak)that God does His
masterpiece on one string....I said"Lord,every string
of mine is broken,will You still take me?"
When I was at school,I never really believed that God
existed.To me,my family mattered,my future
mattered,and nothing else really mattered.God was some
kind of madeup story for me....you know just like one
of those cartoon characters we believed existed and
then when we grow up,we realise they were only some
weird imagination of someone!After my school life,I
came to India and stayed in a Hostel(which was named
after Mother Mary)to continue my studies.And there for
the first time,I met God....personally.It is a long
love story and I will highlight only some points.I had
lots of friends but I realised none of them were
really sincere.Many kinds of problems started
happening in my
family.....financial,diseases,joblessness,quarrels,breaking
of relationships-all chaos.In my personal life,I
couldn't concentrate on my studies,I felt lonely and
unwanted and I cried for I had no idea what was
happening to me.There was a chapel in our hostel where
very few came and one day I went inside it.There
inside a small Bible,I found a letter......a letter
for me...my first love letter.......
It began:My Beloved,
I just had to write to tell you how much I love you
and care for you..........and it ended like
this.....Please call on me soon.No matter how long it
takes.I'll wait-because I love you.
Your friend Jesus Christ.
Hopelessly I fell in Love with God{please take it in
the right sense only:-)}and then onwards my life was
never the same.There was a song(Naadha neeyente) which
touched me deeply,the translation goes like this :
If God is mine,why any other wealth,
If God knows the pain in my soul,why other
consolations
If God leads my way,why other paths
If God comes with me,why other friends,
If God is my aim,why other dreams?
The last line struck me like a thunderbolt.I realised
that if I put God as my first priority,all my problems
will be solved!Till then ,other things were first for
me.So I accepted Lord as my best friend.
Then onwards,God became my Teacher.I began to
understand that Jesus is God.God made me realise
that.Whenever I had any other doubts abt Him,I asked
Him directly and he would give me the correct answer
either through the Bible,other people,spiritual
magazines,incidents and visions.Slowly I started
experiencing the power and presence of God in my
life.Each second I was constantly talking to Him.I
experienced Joy,Peace and Hope as I never had
before.Storms and cyclones came in my life,But He was
in my boat.There was nothing to worry for me,for Lord
was with me.I realised He is just not another
imagination of some human brain...But He is the
powerful Almighty,the Living God.I felt His very
presence,I could hear His voice,I could hear His
heartbeats,the very sound of His soft breath...God is
very real,so real than the persons standing near you
or the ones you see.He has a big heart ,from where all
the Love of the world flows.Experiencing God is the
ultimate experience a human can ever get........
Our friendship was not very smooth though.we call them
human weaknesses.sometimes I got so frustrated that I
used to say"Lord,please leave me alone,I cannot take
you anymore"at those times,He sadly stood silent.but
then I realised I cannot live a single second without
Him.I always break my promises to Him,but He never
failed to be faithful.I asked God"why do we have to
pray to Mother Mary" and He took me to the Queen of
heaven.I asked"which is your true church"and He showed
me the Catholic church.He taught me that The Eucharist
is His real Body and Blood.
Once I saw this vision during a mass, while I attended
a JY gathering:a big blue mountain and a valley...I
stood in the valley,I saw Jesus coming to me.....He
was like the Good Shepherd-white robe and blue
wrapping,holding a lamb on His shoulder....and a big
smile on His face....there were many lambs following
Him behind.He stopped near me and asked"Will you come
with me to the top of this mountain?"I
said"Yes,Lord"then I looked at the mountain and saw
that it was too huge.I said"Lord,I cannot climb this
much huge a mountain unless u r with me."
Jesus replied"I will always be with you"Then he
stretched out His right hand and I put mine in His,and
off we went to the top and was gone beyond the
clouds...
I thought "OK,so I am going to be a saint or
something"But friends,pride always has a fall,so I
fell many times,sometimes too weak to get up
again.somtimes,I got and then walked in the opposite
direction.(I mean,I tried to get rid of Lord from my
life)sometimes God asked me to leave certain
belongings of mine,which I promptly disobeyed and lost
it anyway.sometimes I gave up some treasures of
mine,but the Good Lord gave it back to
me.(caution:don't give up anything for the Lord
thinking you wil get it back-you will only lose
it.when we give ,give wholeheartedly)
the rest of the story is unfaithfulness,failure to
keep my promises,laziness to pray,wanting everything
that I pray
for,disobedience,guilt,shame,ungratefulness,hatred,........the
list goes on and on.I found myself very unworthy to
enter Lord's presence.bcoz I did not pray like
everybody did,I failed to fast for good causes,spoke
ill of others,did not see my neighbour as Jesus saw
him/her,was unable to share Jesus to anybody,never did
any good thing to anybody..............you know I even
stopped intercessory prayer bcoz I thought anyway God
will not hear me,a sinner.He has lots of worthy people
around Him,people who really seved Him to the last
word.
so here I was,all strings broken......
But today as I sat at His feet,Jesus said,"I still
love you.My love for you will never change.You can
still come to me,you are not unworthy,because I paid
for all you unworthiness."
I said"Lord,my boat is empty,no wealth,no treasures,no
catch,old and worn out.Will you still receive me?"
He replied,"Come to me and I will fill you with my
LOVE.Go and pour this LOVE to the lost ones"
I came from church with a lighter heart.
It was very comforting to know that Lord receives all
of us,loves us and cares for us even when we don't.Let
us pray:
Lord,I am unworthy to receive you,But when you give
you word,I shall be healed.Amen.
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