The cheer up a dreary day (at least here it is).
_NAMES__ __ FIRST--THE WOMEN:_
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will
call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
BUT.... NOW THE MEN:
If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to
each other as Hey Fat Boy, Yo, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and or, Scrappy.
_2. EATING OUT_ _: FIRST THE MEN_
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a
$20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything
smaller and none will actually ever admit they want change back.
But when the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
_3. MONEY_
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on
sale.
_4. BATHROOMS_
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream,
razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A
man would not be able to identify most of these items
_5. ARGUMENTS_
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that... Is the beginning of a new argument.
_6. CATS_
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
_7. FUTURE_
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
_8. SUCCESS_
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
_9. MARRIAGE_
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change , and she does.
_10. DRESSING UP_
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
_11. NATURAL_
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
_12. OFFSPRING_
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret
fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
_13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY_
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two
people remembering the same thing.
_AND FINALLY...._
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them
wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, jack asses, and pigs, the husband
asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
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