Im convalescing A lot of time on my hands.
Im actually watching daytime TV for the first time ever. The great British bake off and need to ask some gentlemen of a certain age some simple questions. Betty and Rog, has Kirsty Wark been elevated to the list of acceptable older totty yet ? Cherie Lunghi, Francesca Annis, Sharon Stone and Yasmin Le Bon, if they come on the telly in the ward is it OK if I have a tug under the blanket ? On 7 Mar 2013, at 08:38, Chris Briggs wrote: > Blimey Rob, had they run out of Coco Pops and fizzy vimto again? > > > > On 7 Mar 2013, at 07:54, "Robert Woodmansey" <rob.woodman...@me.com> wrote: > >> Just how stupid do I look? “Enter your PIN”, grunts the uniformed >> Neanderthal who has just manhandled my job lot of Filets de Cheval through >> the checkout at the local branch of “a major supermarket”. Really? And there >> was me thinking I had to get my cock out and rub it on your funny little >> machine to make it work…we’ve only had chip and PIN in this country for the >> last fucking decade, you grotty little serving twerp. Not everyone who >> passes through the doors of your establishment would lose a battle of wits >> with the contents of the shelves, or is rendered so feeble and incontinent >> by dementia that the aisle needs to be mopped after they’ve walked down it. >> >> At least, that’s what I should have said. But being British and relatively >> well-brought-up, I simply paid up and pissed off. There would also have been >> no point in the above diatribe, because most of the words in it would have >> been far too long to have registered much more than the merest >> electro-chemical blip in the junk-food-and-alcopop-stunted frontal lobes of >> the recipient. Take a look around you the next time you’re queueing at a >> checkout and you’ll realize that Planet of the Apes was in fact a >> groundbreaking and prophetic documentary. >> >> It’s enough to inspire a degree of sympathy with the 83-year-old Birmingham >> woman banned for life from her local Tesco for allegedly “bullying” the >> staff when they neglected to serve her at the deli counter with what she >> considered the requisite degree of responsiveness. She was only after two >> slices of ham. Unfortunately, whether or not she is actually guilty of >> ramming staff with her trolley as alleged, she instantly loses all >> credibility with her counter-argument to the accusation: “I watch Songs of >> Praise every week for goodness sake, I hardly go around attacking people”. >> No, love, not personally perhaps. But on the other hand, you do adhere to a >> belief system based on fantasy, bigotry and a complete disregard for the >> established facts of physical science that has over the centuries accounted >> for untold millions of war dead, embraced torture as a means of determining >> guilt or innocence, repressed just about every minority you can think of and >> worst of all still persists to this day as a legitimate component part of >> our state and government. >> >> But I digress. Poking fun at religious fantasists is too easy. At least the >> lady in question could have been reasonably sure that what she would have >> got at the deli counter, had she not attempted to emasculate the serving ape >> with a trolley, originated from a pig, because you can generally see what it >> is they are flogging you. >> >> The issue of the moment as far as supermarkets are concerned appears to be >> that anything less immediately recognisable, i.e. anything packaged, can no >> longer be guaranteed to contain precisely what is described on the outside. >> This is a scandal of titanic proportions, so we are told. Well, what a load >> of patronising, middle-England Daily Mail-reading bollocks. The British >> public will quite happily gobble down all manner of rancid, stomach-turning >> shit, by choice, without batting an eyelid. Why? Because most of the great >> unwashed know no better, and have grown up on…well…Coke, gristle and chips, >> basically. >> >> How are we topping the international leaderboard in obesity if we are all so >> fucking particular about what we eat? Does the pallid, acne-ridden >> job-avoider queueing at the kebab van give an ounce of thought to the >> contents of that greasy pensioner’s leg revolving so temptingly on the spit? >> Of course not. No, claiming that this is all a crusade to defend the >> public’s health is disingenuous at best. The whole thing smells worse than >> the festering contents of a fatty’s unwashed rolls of flab. >> >> Somebody, somewhere wants to stick it to the retail food giants and the meat >> trade. More than likely, some group of disaffected left-wing vegetarian >> fairies lurking on the back benches with nothing better to do now that it’s >> not their turn to fuck the country. The only people who give a toss are the >> pointless media twats who exist only to perpetuate crises and the >> politicians who instantly pop their heads up like coked-up pinstripe >> meerkats the minute there is a whiff of potential airtime. In any case, I >> can absolutely guarantee you that for well over 90% of the >> kebab-and-pot-noodle-consuming general population, horse meat would >> represent a radically beneficial shift in their overall dietary health. >> >> So bring it on. Quite apart from anything else, more horse on the menu means >> fewer fat-arsed equestrian toffee-noses self-righteously blocking up the >> roads round my way…I just saw Labour's latest political broadcast on >> immigration and "one nation Labour" and I'm heading form the vomitorium >> >> >> >> _______________________________________________ >> Leedslist mailing list >> Info and options: http://mailman.greennet.org.uk/mailman/listinfo/leedslist >> To unsubscribe, email leedslist-unsubscr...@gn.apc.org >> >> MARCHING ON TOGETHER _______________________________________________ Leedslist mailing list Info and options: http://mailman.greennet.org.uk/mailman/listinfo/leedslist To unsubscribe, email leedslist-unsubscr...@gn.apc.org MARCHING ON TOGETHER
