Your Deity would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, It asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions.
1. How did you find out about your deity? __ Newspaper __ Letter Box drop __ Bible __ Torah __ Koran (non chant version) __ Koran (chant version) __ Television __ Book of Mormon __ Divine Inspiration __ Dead Sea Scrolls __ My Parents __ Government Circular __ Near Death Experience __ Near Life Experience __ National Public Radio __ Tabloid __ Usenet __ Burning Shrubbery __ Other (specify): _____________ 2. Which model deity did you acquire? __ Yahweh __ Jehovah __ Jesus __ Krishna __ Father, Son and Holy Ghost [Trinity Pak] __ Zeus and entourage [Olympus Pak] __ Odin and entourage [Valhalla Pak] __ Allah and Muhamad (Muslim Pak) __ Celtic (Lunatic Pak) __ Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature __ Satan __ Pick from alternate list : Aphrodite, Ares, Athena, Apollo, Artemis, Babaluaye, Bacchus, Baldur, Bast, Bellona, Brahma, Brigid, Ceres, Cupid, Cerridwen, Demeter, Diana, Dione, Dionysus, Eris, Eos, Eleggua, Eshu, Ereshkigal, Frigga, Frey, Freya, Gaea, Hades, Hebe, Hera, Helios, Hel, Hephaestus, Hermes, Hestia, Horus, Ibeji, Ifa, Inanna, Indra, Ishana, Ishtar, Isis, Janus, Juno, Jehovah, Jove, Jupiter, Krishna Kronos, Korravai, Loki, Lugh, Manitou, Mars, Mercury, Minerva, Mercurius, Morrigan, Nahuiquiahuitl, Nanahuatzin, Nephthys, Neptune, Obatala, Odin, Ogun, Oshosi, Oshun, Osiris, Oya, Orunmila, Olokun, Olodumare, Pluto, Persephone, Poseidon, Proserpina, Quetzalcoatl, Ra, Rhea, Saturn, Set, Selene, Shango, Tammuz, Thor, Tir, Tiw, Uranus, Venus, Vesta, Vishnu, Vesta, Vulcan, Wotan, Yahweh, Yemaya, Zeus, Oh, and Lint® the Laundry God... __ None of the above, I was taken in by a false god 3. Did your Deity come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes? __ Yes __ No If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered here. Please indicate all that apply: __ Not eternal __ Not omniscient __ Not omnipotent __ Not infinite (incapable of being all things to all creations) __ Permits sex outside of marriage __ Prohibits sex outside of marriage __ Makes mistakes __ Never makes mistakes __ Makes or permits bad things to happen to good people __ Looks after life other than that on Earth __ When beseeched, doesn't stay beseeched __ Requires burnt offerings __ Requires virgin sacrifices __ Doesn't require virgin sacrifices 4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a deity? Please check all that apply. __ Indoctrinated by parents __ Needed a reason to live __ Indoctrinated by society __ Needed focus in whom to despise __ Imaginary friend grew up __ Heard that it was free __ Wanted to know Jesus in the Biblical sense __ Hate to think for myself __ Wanted to meet girls/boys __ Fear of death __ Wanted to tee off parents __ Needed a day away from work __ Desperate need for certainty __ Liked Organ Music __ Need to feel Morally Superior __ Scatological material was falling out of the sky __ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it. 5. Have you ever worshiped a deity before? If so, Please check all that apply. __ Cthulhu __ Baal __ The Almighty Dollar __ Left Wing Liberalism __ The Radical Right __ Ra __ Beelzebub __ The Great Spirit __ The Great Pumpkin __ The Sun __ The Moon __ A burning shrubbery __ Other: ________________ 6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to a Deity? Please check all that apply. __ Tarot __ Lottery __ Astrology __ Television __ Fortune cookies __ Psychic Friends Network __ Dianetics __ Palmistry __ Self-help books __ Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll __ Biorhythms __ Alcohol __ Tea Leaves __ EST __ Mantras __ Crystals __ Human Sacrifice __ Pyramids __ Wandering around a desert __ Insurance policies __ Burning Shrubbery __ Other:_____________________ __ None 7. A Deity employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer (circle one)? a. More Divine Intervention b. Less Divine Intervention c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right d. Don't know...what's Divine Intervention? 8. A Deity also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 his handling of the following (1=3 unsatisfactory, 3=5 excellent): a. Disasters: flood 1 2 3 4 5 famine 1 2 3 4 5 earthquake 1 2 3 4 5 war 1 2 3 4 5 pestilence 1 2 3 4 5 plague 1 2 3 4 5 suicide 1 2 3 4 5 b. Miracles: rescues 1 2 3 4 5 spontaneous remissions 1 2 3 4 5 crying/weeping statues 1 2 3 4 5 water changing to wine 1 2 3 4 5 walking on water 1 2 3 4 5 72 virgins per terrorist 1 2 3 4 5 9. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of your Deity services? (Attach an additional sheet if necessary): --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "Memphis Freethought Alliance" group. To post to this group, send email to [email protected] To unsubscribe from this group, send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] For more options, visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/memphisfreethoughtalliance?hl=en -~----------~----~----~----~------~----~------~--~---
