Seriously! :-) liz
-----Original Message----- From: [email protected] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Clogtowner Sent: Wednesday, October 29, 2008 6:12 PM To: Memphis Freethought Alliance Subject: Re: God questions Hi y'all - that's going around the world!! On Oct 29, 5:57 pm, ornamentalmind <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > Your Deity would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. > In order to better serve your needs, It asks that you take a few > moments to answer the following questions. > > 1. How did you find out about your deity? > __ Newspaper > __ Letter Box drop > __ Bible > __ Torah > __ Koran (non chant version) > __ Koran (chant version) > __ Television > __ Book of Mormon > __ Divine Inspiration > __ Dead Sea Scrolls > __ My Parents > __ Government Circular > __ Near Death Experience > __ Near Life Experience > __ National Public Radio > __ Tabloid > __ Usenet > __ Burning Shrubbery > __ Other (specify): _____________ > > 2. Which model deity did you acquire? > __ Yahweh > __ Jehovah > __ Jesus > __ Krishna > __ Father, Son and Holy Ghost [Trinity Pak] > __ Zeus and entourage [Olympus Pak] > __ Odin and entourage [Valhalla Pak] > __ Allah and Muhamad (Muslim Pak) > __ Celtic (Lunatic Pak) > __ Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature > __ Satan > __ Pick from alternate list : > Aphrodite, Ares, Athena, Apollo, Artemis, Babaluaye, Bacchus, > Baldur, Bast, Bellona, Brahma, Brigid, Ceres, Cupid, Cerridwen, > Demeter, Diana, Dione, Dionysus, Eris, Eos, Eleggua, Eshu, > Ereshkigal, > Frigga, Frey, Freya, Gaea, Hades, Hebe, Hera, Helios, Hel, > Hephaestus, > Hermes, Hestia, Horus, Ibeji, Ifa, Inanna, Indra, Ishana, Ishtar, > Isis, Janus, Juno, Jehovah, Jove, Jupiter, Krishna Kronos, Korravai, > Loki, Lugh, Manitou, Mars, Mercury, Minerva, Mercurius, Morrigan, > Nahuiquiahuitl, Nanahuatzin, Nephthys, Neptune, Obatala, Odin, Ogun, > Oshosi, Oshun, Osiris, Oya, Orunmila, Olokun, Olodumare, Pluto, > Persephone, Poseidon, Proserpina, Quetzalcoatl, Ra, Rhea, Saturn, > Set, > Selene, Shango, Tammuz, Thor, Tir, Tiw, Uranus, Venus, Vesta, Vishnu, > Vesta, Vulcan, Wotan, Yahweh, Yemaya, Zeus, Oh, and Lint® the Laundry > God... > > __ None of the above, I was taken in by a false god > > 3. Did your Deity come to you undamaged, with all parts in good > working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes? > __ Yes __ No > > If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered here. > Please indicate all that apply: > __ Not eternal > __ Not omniscient > __ Not omnipotent > __ Not infinite (incapable of being all things to all creations) > __ Permits sex outside of marriage > __ Prohibits sex outside of marriage > __ Makes mistakes > __ Never makes mistakes > __ Makes or permits bad things to happen to good people > __ Looks after life other than that on Earth > __ When beseeched, doesn't stay beseeched > __ Requires burnt offerings > __ Requires virgin sacrifices > __ Doesn't require virgin sacrifices > > 4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a deity? > Please check all that apply. > __ Indoctrinated by parents > __ Needed a reason to live > __ Indoctrinated by society > __ Needed focus in whom to despise > __ Imaginary friend grew up > __ Heard that it was free > __ Wanted to know Jesus in the Biblical sense > __ Hate to think for myself > __ Wanted to meet girls/boys > __ Fear of death > __ Wanted to tee off parents > __ Needed a day away from work > __ Desperate need for certainty > __ Liked Organ Music > __ Need to feel Morally Superior > __ Scatological material was falling out of the sky > __ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it. > > 5. Have you ever worshiped a deity before? If so, > Please check all that apply. > __ Cthulhu > __ Baal > __ The Almighty Dollar > __ Left Wing Liberalism > __ The Radical Right > __ Ra > __ Beelzebub > __ The Great Spirit > __ The Great Pumpkin > __ The Sun > __ The Moon > __ A burning shrubbery > __ Other: ________________ > > 6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration > in addition to a Deity? Please check all that apply. > __ Tarot > __ Lottery > __ Astrology > __ Television > __ Fortune cookies > __ Psychic Friends Network > __ Dianetics > __ Palmistry > __ Self-help books > __ Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll > __ Biorhythms > __ Alcohol > __ Tea Leaves > __ EST > __ Mantras > __ Crystals > __ Human Sacrifice > __ Pyramids > __ Wandering around a desert > __ Insurance policies > __ Burning Shrubbery > __ Other:_____________________ > __ None > > 7. A Deity employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention > to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. > Which would you prefer (circle one)? > > a. More Divine Intervention > b. Less Divine Intervention > c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right > d. Don't know...what's Divine Intervention? > > 8. A Deity also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters > and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 > his handling of the following (1=3 unsatisfactory, 3=5 excellent): > > a. Disasters: > flood 1 2 3 4 5 > famine 1 2 3 4 5 > earthquake 1 2 3 4 5 > war 1 2 3 4 5 > pestilence 1 2 3 4 5 > plague 1 2 3 4 5 > suicide 1 2 3 4 5 > > b. Miracles: > rescues 1 2 3 4 5 > spontaneous remissions 1 2 3 4 5 > crying/weeping statues 1 2 3 4 5 > water changing to wine 1 2 3 4 5 > walking on water 1 2 3 4 5 > 72 virgins per terrorist 1 2 3 4 5 > > 9. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions > for improving the quality of your Deity services? > (Attach an additional sheet if necessary): --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "Memphis Freethought Alliance" group. To post to this group, send email to [email protected] To unsubscribe from this group, send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] For more options, visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/memphisfreethoughtalliance?hl=en -~----------~----~----~----~------~----~------~--~---
