Hi y'all - that's going around the world!!
On Oct 29, 5:57 pm, ornamentalmind <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
> Your Deity would like to thank you for your belief and patronage.
> In order to better serve your needs, It asks that you take a few
> moments to answer the following questions.
>
> 1. How did you find out about your deity?
> __ Newspaper
> __ Letter Box drop
> __ Bible
> __ Torah
> __ Koran (non chant version)
> __ Koran (chant version)
> __ Television
> __ Book of Mormon
> __ Divine Inspiration
> __ Dead Sea Scrolls
> __ My Parents
> __ Government Circular
> __ Near Death Experience
> __ Near Life Experience
> __ National Public Radio
> __ Tabloid
> __ Usenet
> __ Burning Shrubbery
> __ Other (specify): _____________
>
> 2. Which model deity did you acquire?
> __ Yahweh
> __ Jehovah
> __ Jesus
> __ Krishna
> __ Father, Son and Holy Ghost [Trinity Pak]
> __ Zeus and entourage [Olympus Pak]
> __ Odin and entourage [Valhalla Pak]
> __ Allah and Muhamad (Muslim Pak)
> __ Celtic (Lunatic Pak)
> __ Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature
> __ Satan
> __ Pick from alternate list :
> Aphrodite, Ares, Athena, Apollo, Artemis, Babaluaye, Bacchus,
> Baldur, Bast, Bellona, Brahma, Brigid, Ceres, Cupid, Cerridwen,
> Demeter, Diana, Dione, Dionysus, Eris, Eos, Eleggua, Eshu,
> Ereshkigal,
> Frigga, Frey, Freya, Gaea, Hades, Hebe, Hera, Helios, Hel,
> Hephaestus,
> Hermes, Hestia, Horus, Ibeji, Ifa, Inanna, Indra, Ishana, Ishtar,
> Isis, Janus, Juno, Jehovah, Jove, Jupiter, Krishna Kronos, Korravai,
> Loki, Lugh, Manitou, Mars, Mercury, Minerva, Mercurius, Morrigan,
> Nahuiquiahuitl, Nanahuatzin, Nephthys, Neptune, Obatala, Odin, Ogun,
> Oshosi, Oshun, Osiris, Oya, Orunmila, Olokun, Olodumare, Pluto,
> Persephone, Poseidon, Proserpina, Quetzalcoatl, Ra, Rhea, Saturn,
> Set,
> Selene, Shango, Tammuz, Thor, Tir, Tiw, Uranus, Venus, Vesta, Vishnu,
> Vesta, Vulcan, Wotan, Yahweh, Yemaya, Zeus, Oh, and Lint® the Laundry
> God...
>
> __ None of the above, I was taken in by a false god
>
> 3. Did your Deity come to you undamaged, with all parts in good
> working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?
> __ Yes __ No
>
> If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered here.
> Please indicate all that apply:
> __ Not eternal
> __ Not omniscient
> __ Not omnipotent
> __ Not infinite (incapable of being all things to all creations)
> __ Permits sex outside of marriage
> __ Prohibits sex outside of marriage
> __ Makes mistakes
> __ Never makes mistakes
> __ Makes or permits bad things to happen to good people
> __ Looks after life other than that on Earth
> __ When beseeched, doesn't stay beseeched
> __ Requires burnt offerings
> __ Requires virgin sacrifices
> __ Doesn't require virgin sacrifices
>
> 4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a deity?
> Please check all that apply.
> __ Indoctrinated by parents
> __ Needed a reason to live
> __ Indoctrinated by society
> __ Needed focus in whom to despise
> __ Imaginary friend grew up
> __ Heard that it was free
> __ Wanted to know Jesus in the Biblical sense
> __ Hate to think for myself
> __ Wanted to meet girls/boys
> __ Fear of death
> __ Wanted to tee off parents
> __ Needed a day away from work
> __ Desperate need for certainty
> __ Liked Organ Music
> __ Need to feel Morally Superior
> __ Scatological material was falling out of the sky
> __ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it.
>
> 5. Have you ever worshiped a deity before? If so,
> Please check all that apply.
> __ Cthulhu
> __ Baal
> __ The Almighty Dollar
> __ Left Wing Liberalism
> __ The Radical Right
> __ Ra
> __ Beelzebub
> __ The Great Spirit
> __ The Great Pumpkin
> __ The Sun
> __ The Moon
> __ A burning shrubbery
> __ Other: ________________
>
> 6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration
> in addition to a Deity? Please check all that apply.
> __ Tarot
> __ Lottery
> __ Astrology
> __ Television
> __ Fortune cookies
> __ Psychic Friends Network
> __ Dianetics
> __ Palmistry
> __ Self-help books
> __ Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll
> __ Biorhythms
> __ Alcohol
> __ Tea Leaves
> __ EST
> __ Mantras
> __ Crystals
> __ Human Sacrifice
> __ Pyramids
> __ Wandering around a desert
> __ Insurance policies
> __ Burning Shrubbery
> __ Other:_____________________
> __ None
>
> 7. A Deity employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention
> to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith.
> Which would you prefer (circle one)?
>
> a. More Divine Intervention
> b. Less Divine Intervention
> c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
> d. Don't know...what's Divine Intervention?
>
> 8. A Deity also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters
> and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5
> his handling of the following (1=3 unsatisfactory, 3=5 excellent):
>
> a. Disasters:
> flood 1 2 3 4 5
> famine 1 2 3 4 5
> earthquake 1 2 3 4 5
> war 1 2 3 4 5
> pestilence 1 2 3 4 5
> plague 1 2 3 4 5
> suicide 1 2 3 4 5
>
> b. Miracles:
> rescues 1 2 3 4 5
> spontaneous remissions 1 2 3 4 5
> crying/weeping statues 1 2 3 4 5
> water changing to wine 1 2 3 4 5
> walking on water 1 2 3 4 5
> 72 virgins per terrorist 1 2 3 4 5
>
> 9. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions
> for improving the quality of your Deity services?
> (Attach an additional sheet if necessary):
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