First of all, you are using a ports distribution system from BSD which means 
that you are not dealing with MySQL directly but with a BSD API layer on top of 
MySQL for installation.



So much of your issues may end up being a BSD problem, not a MySQL problem at 
all.



If the BSD scripts that are supposed to keep your fingers out of the 
installation gears are confusing you when you read the MySQL instructions that 
tell you how to turn the cranks without getting your fingers in the gears, then 
maybe you need to stop and find docs that are specific to BSD install of MySQL 
or install from source which matches the docs.



That said, it sounds like you skipped the step about "flush privileges"



And, once you set the root password, you need to add "-p" to mysql (and others) 
to ask it to prompt you for your password.



It would help a great deal if you could more clearly document what you did, and 
where things FIRST went wrong, and STOP THERE and post instead of moving 
forward and then rambling on about how bad everything is and dumping several 
different issues into a giant rant.



It makes it very difficult for anybody to help you when you do that.



Also makes people less likely to WANT to help you, which is an even bigger 
issue.

:-)



There is no need to start/stop the server, but you MUST flush the privileges 
after you change them.  Or, if you prefer, swat the fly with a cannon and 
stop/start the server. :-)



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