I have been following the baby sleeping and parenting threads
with interest over the last little while and just wanted to share my 10 cents
worth.I am only speaking on behalf of my experience and observations and
advice from some of my family, friends and women I have looked after over the
years.
Good baby
I had wanted to ask you what you thought a "good baby" was, as
I get asked that all of the time. This is of course after they have said how
cute she is and what a smiley baby Ena is. I know they are really asking me
how long she sleeps but I will always say something like "Of course she is a
good baby, she's mine!" or question them about how can a baby be good or bad?
Then they ask me (Ena is nearly 6 months old) how she sleeps and I just
say "as a baby sleeps". Sometimes you can see the frustration appear before the
big question "does she sleep through" or "how long does she sleep?" I say
sometimes or when she feels like it blah, blah, blah. It seems to me to be all
so negative because unless she is sleeping for at least 8 hours she is bad and
she's not. I find there are plus and minuses for both the broken nights sleep
and the 8 hours. When she wakes in the night I get a few sessions of a couple of
hours solid sleep and she will stay in bed till about 0800. When she sleeps for
8 hours and wakes at 0600, I have usually been awake listening to make sure she
is still alive (she starts the night feeding next to me, then I put her in her
cot at the end of our bed and whenever she wakes I change her and she comes back
into bed with us till I get up). If she has had the 8 hours then she wants to
get up much earlier and then so do I. Ena sleeps in the sling for a quick nap in
the morning or the pram when we go for a long walk (and coffee) and I have a lie
down with her in the afternoon and she feeds off to sleep. When we are out she
is smiley and happy generally and I take the sling for her to sleep in when she
gets tired.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing and your
commentary reassures me to listen to Ena and my gut and enjoy her which I do. I
can't get my head around a routine as she is changing all of the time and the
above outline changes on a daily basis depending on what we are up to. As she is
our only child I have the luxury of not having to factor in other children and I
only plan 1 thing per day if I can as otherwise I know I would get all hepped up
and then not be calm for Ena. Andrew, My "good" husband reminds me that my most
important job is looking after our daughter and when I feel I haven't done
anything all day this is good to remember. I have said these things to mothers
for years yet when it is yourself you can be a hard judge.
I think of Ena as a little person in a foreign world that we
are teaching her to survive in. I wouldn't like Andrew to put me to bed, leave
me screaming to teach me who's boss and his "routine". She is growing up so fast
and in September I will be back at work and she will be so much bigger and these
rainy afternoons of just playing, feeding and sleeping together will all too
soon be a distant memory. Watching her hands spread out on my skin as she feeds
or her rooting around for my breast when she comes off in her sleep are such
beautiful experiences that it is a shame if we are forced not to enjoy and
savour this beautiful part of motherhood.
Good husband/partner
Belinda made mention a few weeks ago that just because the
partner cleans a bit or cooks etc doesn't make them "good". This I do agree with
as if they iron or clean the bathroom people tell you, you are lucky to have
such a good bloke. I think the domestic things are shared and this should be a
given although since I am at home I do more so we have the weekends free. What
makes life so much easier is when your partner loves having your baby in bed
too, when they trust your instincts and when they, like you put the babies needs
first. You then don't feel guilty or inadequate at home but a
goddess.
These are just my thoughts and I am sure wouldn't suit
everyone but sometimes it is like there are people around you just won't let you
enjoy this parenthood caper and if you are you must be doing something wrong or
"making a rod for your own back".
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- Re: [ozmidwifery] "good baby" long Jackie Kitschke
- Re: [ozmidwifery] "good baby" l... Pinky McKay
- Re: [ozmidwifery] "good baby&quo... Marilyn Kleidon
- Re: [ozmidwifery] "good baby... Geoff & Louise Wightman
- Re: [ozmidwifery] "good ... Pinky McKay
- RE: [ozmidwifery] "good baby" l... Cheryl LHK
- Re: [ozmidwifery] "good baby&quo... Jackie Kitschke