----- Original Message -----
Sent: Monday, May 17, 2004 4:16
AM
Subject: [ozmidwifery] "good baby"
long
I have been following the baby sleeping and parenting
threads with interest over the last little while and just wanted to share
my 10 cents worth.I am only speaking on behalf of my experience and
observations and advice from some of my family, friends and women I have
looked after over the years.
Good baby
I had wanted to ask you what you thought a "good baby"
was, as I get asked that all of the time. This is of course after they
have said how cute she is and what a smiley baby Ena is. I know they
are really asking me how long she sleeps but I will always say something
like "Of course she is a good baby, she's mine!" or question them about
how can a baby be good or bad? Then they ask me (Ena is nearly 6
months old) how she sleeps and I just say "as a baby sleeps". Sometimes
you can see the frustration appear before the big question "does she sleep
through" or "how long does she sleep?" I say sometimes or when she feels
like it blah, blah, blah. It seems to me to be all so negative because
unless she is sleeping for at least 8 hours she is bad and she's not. I
find there are plus and minuses for both the broken nights sleep and the 8
hours. When she wakes in the night I get a few sessions of a couple of
hours solid sleep and she will stay in bed till about 0800. When she
sleeps for 8 hours and wakes at 0600, I have usually been awake listening
to make sure she is still alive (she starts the night feeding next to me,
then I put her in her cot at the end of our bed and whenever she wakes I
change her and she comes back into bed with us till I get up). If she has
had the 8 hours then she wants to get up much earlier and then so do I.
Ena sleeps in the sling for a quick nap in the morning or the pram when we
go for a long walk (and coffee) and I have a lie down with her in the
afternoon and she feeds off to sleep. When we are out she is smiley and
happy generally and I take the sling for her to sleep in when she gets
tired.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing and your
commentary reassures me to listen to Ena and my gut and enjoy her which I
do. I can't get my head around a routine as she is changing all of the
time and the above outline changes on a daily basis depending on what we
are up to. As she is our only child I have the luxury of not having to
factor in other children and I only plan 1 thing per day if I can as
otherwise I know I would get all hepped up and then not be calm for Ena.
Andrew, My "good" husband reminds me that my most important job is looking
after our daughter and when I feel I haven't done anything all day this is
good to remember. I have said these things to mothers for years yet when
it is yourself you can be a hard judge.
I think of Ena as a little person in a foreign world
that we are teaching her to survive in. I wouldn't like Andrew to put me
to bed, leave me screaming to teach me who's boss and his "routine". She
is growing up so fast and in September I will be back at work and she will
be so much bigger and these rainy afternoons of just playing, feeding and
sleeping together will all too soon be a distant memory. Watching her
hands spread out on my skin as she feeds or her rooting around for my
breast when she comes off in her sleep are such beautiful experiences that
it is a shame if we are forced not to enjoy and savour this beautiful part
of motherhood.
Good husband/partner
Belinda made mention a few weeks ago that just because
the partner cleans a bit or cooks etc doesn't make them "good". This I do
agree with as if they iron or clean the bathroom people tell you, you are
lucky to have such a good bloke. I think the domestic things are shared
and this should be a given although since I am at home I do more so we
have the weekends free. What makes life so much easier is when your
partner loves having your baby in bed too, when they trust your instincts
and when they, like you put the babies needs first. You then don't feel
guilty or inadequate at home but a goddess.
These are just my thoughts and I am sure wouldn't suit
everyone but sometimes it is like there are people around you just won't
let you enjoy this parenthood caper and if you are you must be doing
something wrong or "making a rod for your own back".
