----- Original Message -----
Sent: Monday, May 17, 2004 4:16
AM
Subject: [ozmidwifery] "good baby"
long
I have been following the baby sleeping and parenting
threads with interest over the last little while and just wanted to
share my 10 cents worth.I am only speaking on behalf of my
experience and observations and advice from some of my family, friends
and women I have looked after over the years.
Good baby
I had wanted to ask you what you thought a "good baby"
was, as I get asked that all of the time. This is of course after they
have said how cute she is and what a smiley baby Ena is. I know
they are really asking me how long she sleeps but I will always say
something like "Of course she is a good baby, she's mine!" or question
them about how can a baby be good or bad? Then they ask me (Ena is
nearly 6 months old) how she sleeps and I just say "as a baby sleeps".
Sometimes you can see the frustration appear before the big question
"does she sleep through" or "how long does she sleep?" I say sometimes
or when she feels like it blah, blah, blah. It seems to me to be all so
negative because unless she is sleeping for at least 8 hours she is bad
and she's not. I find there are plus and minuses for both the broken
nights sleep and the 8 hours. When she wakes in the night I get a few
sessions of a couple of hours solid sleep and she will stay in bed till
about 0800. When she sleeps for 8 hours and wakes at 0600, I have
usually been awake listening to make sure she is still alive (she starts
the night feeding next to me, then I put her in her cot at the end of
our bed and whenever she wakes I change her and she comes back into bed
with us till I get up). If she has had the 8 hours then she wants to get
up much earlier and then so do I. Ena sleeps in the sling for a quick
nap in the morning or the pram when we go for a long walk (and coffee)
and I have a lie down with her in the afternoon and she feeds off to
sleep. When we are out she is smiley and happy generally and I take the
sling for her to sleep in when she gets tired.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing and
your commentary reassures me to listen to Ena and my gut and enjoy her
which I do. I can't get my head around a routine as she is changing all
of the time and the above outline changes on a daily basis depending on
what we are up to. As she is our only child I have the luxury of not
having to factor in other children and I only plan 1 thing per day if I
can as otherwise I know I would get all hepped up and then not be calm
for Ena. Andrew, My "good" husband reminds me that my most important job
is looking after our daughter and when I feel I haven't done anything
all day this is good to remember. I have said these things to mothers
for years yet when it is yourself you can be a hard judge.
I think of Ena as a little person in a foreign world
that we are teaching her to survive in. I wouldn't like Andrew to put me
to bed, leave me screaming to teach me who's boss and his "routine". She
is growing up so fast and in September I will be back at work and she
will be so much bigger and these rainy afternoons of just playing,
feeding and sleeping together will all too soon be a distant memory.
Watching her hands spread out on my skin as she feeds or her rooting
around for my breast when she comes off in her sleep are such beautiful
experiences that it is a shame if we are forced not to enjoy and savour
this beautiful part of motherhood.
Good husband/partner
Belinda made mention a few weeks ago that just because
the partner cleans a bit or cooks etc doesn't make them "good". This I
do agree with as if they iron or clean the bathroom people tell you, you
are lucky to have such a good bloke. I think the domestic things are
shared and this should be a given although since I am at home I do more
so we have the weekends free. What makes life so much easier is when
your partner loves having your baby in bed too, when they trust your
instincts and when they, like you put the babies needs first. You then
don't feel guilty or inadequate at home but a goddess.
These are just my thoughts and I am sure wouldn't suit
everyone but sometimes it is like there are people around you just won't
let you enjoy this parenthood caper and if you are you must be doing
something wrong or "making a rod for your own back".