Read it closely folks…
a good one.
AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I
hand over, shortly after you pulled
the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked
for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow
come across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you
to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my
jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a
reason.. my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour
as
a Combat Marine in Afghanistan .. She had just bought me that Kimber
Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a
shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a
very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from
with crap in your pants. I'm sure it Was even worse walking bare-footed since
I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. (That
prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us
again).
After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell,
I explained the entire episode of What you'd done. Then I went and filled
up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, --
on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and
was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with
all the cash in your wallet. [That Made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked
at the curb ..... after I broke the
windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's
office and one to the FBI, while mentioning
President Obama as my possible target.
The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess
while he traced your number etc.).
;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel
this type of retribution
is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you
well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing
issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and
perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life..
Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours, Semper fi,
Alex
Probably don't have
to ask you to forward
this one, it is priceless.
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