Really, that's all I have ... a simple statement of proven truth put in unmistakable terms to let people know exactly what I think on the subject. (Can I use the word Cunt or should I use a PC euphamism for Cunt like
19. Meat curtains Can’t even type because I am too busy barfing up everything I have ever eaten. Let’s just relegate any term that’s remotely food-related (including but not limited to: taco, love taco, fish taco, SAUSAGE WALLET*) to the lowest of low rankings and never speak of it again. *actual real phrase I saw on the internet. 18. Va-jay-jay Too singsongy and childish to exist on this earth. This word is the equivalent of your one friend who always gets way too drunk at brunch and tries to touch the waiter’s butt when he clears away your plates. 17. Vertical smile HAHAHAH YOU HAVE CLEARLY NEVER SEEN A SMILE AND ALMOST CERTAINLY WILL NEVER SEE A VAGINA EITHER IF YOU EVER SAY THIS PHRASE ALOUD. 16. Poon Ick. 15. Tang Ick, just a tiny fraction less than the above. 14. Poontang This term is somehow better than the sum of its parts. Still should never be uttered unironically, but has a certain panache. 13. Vag/Vadge/Vájjhe A+ for efficiency, but you’re a grown-up. Say the whole damn word. 12. Lady bits This term was invented by daytime talk shows and women’s magazines to sell tampons and yogurt. (MILLION-DOLLAR IDEA: Greek yogurt that comes with a little serving of fruit to mix in and also a little serving of Midol, because periods, amirite ladies?!? Ugh. I’m tired.) 11. Box Relatively inoffensive, but like, a box is an actual defined thing that is not at all similar to a vagina. Doesn’t come close to expressing all the beautiful complexity of the female form. 10. Beaver Same goes for this one. A beaver is ALREADY A THING (a thing with buckteeth and a propensity for DIYing structures, unlike any vagina I have ever encountered [maybe yours is different, I don’t know you, I don’t know your life]). Don’t be lazy — find names that don’t already have homes. 9. Pussy The actual word is, phonetically, fairly gross —that slithery double “s,” that coy “y” at the end, the fact that is quite literally contains the word “pus” — but it’s widely used enough to merit a place solidly in the middle of this ranking, and can, in very specific circumstances, be sexy (in far more circumstances, it is just plain creepy). It should never, ever, EVER be deployed to imply that somebody is somehow weak or lacking, because stfu patriarchy. 8. Cooch (var. coochie) Sort of cute; possibly too much so, if you consider the legion of parents who have lovingly “coochie-coochie-coo!”-ed at their babies throughout human history. 7. Snatch The less-cute counterpart to “cooch.” Uncomfortably visual, like a bear trap quickly snapping shut, but at least that implies a certain amount of toughness. Very few vaginal euphemisms do justice to the fact that vaginas have CRAZY MUSCLES that can accommodate AN ENTIRE PERSON as they enter this gorgeous, unforgiving world. 6. Muff I had an American Girl Doll when I was younger. Her name was Samantha, and according to her backstory she was from the Victorian era. One Christmas, my parents bought me a set of winter clothes for her, including what the American Girl catalog called a “muff.” It was small and furry and kept Samantha’s cold plastic hands just a little bit warmer. I will always think of it fondly. 5. Twat Really should have nothing to do with an actual human vagina, but would otherwise make a spectacularly satisfying insult. (Especially if you have a British accent.) 4. Cunt Same as above. British accents make everything sound better. 3. Bearded clam This is just such a funny image, like a wizened old cartoon character who lives next door to SpongeBob SquarePants. Full marks. 2. Hoo-ha Has a certain twangy, old-timey charm. It’s kind of crass, but in a delightful way, like a coarse yet kindly regular at a saloon in the Wild West. Try saying it aloud, right now, wherever you happen to be. See? Good. 1. Vagina What it actually literally is (or, if you’re referring to the outside, the vulva). It fucking rules. QED. I am just confused... Please advise. -- -- Thanks for being part of "PoliticalForum" at Google Groups. For options & help see http://groups.google.com/group/PoliticalForum * Visit our other community at http://www.PoliticalForum.com/ * It's active and moderated. Register and vote in our polls. * Read the latest breaking news, and more. --- You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "PoliticalForum" group. To unsubscribe from this group and stop receiving emails from it, send an email to [email protected]. For more options, visit https://groups.google.com/d/optout.
