On Saturday, August 13, 2016 at 12:40:15 PM UTC-5, THE ANNOINTED ONE wrote: > > Really, that's all I have ... a simple statement of proven truth put in > unmistakable terms to let people know exactly what I think on the subject. > (Can I use the word Cunt or should I use a PC euphamism for Cunt like > > 19. Meat curtains > > Can’t even type because I am too busy barfing up everything I have ever > eaten. Let’s just relegate any term that’s remotely food-related (including > but not limited to: taco, love taco, fish taco, SAUSAGE WALLET*) to the > lowest of low rankings and never speak of it again. > > *actual real phrase I saw on the internet. > > 18. Va-jay-jay > Too singsongy and childish to exist on this earth. This word is the > equivalent of your one friend who always gets way too drunk at brunch and > tries to touch the waiter’s butt when he clears away your plates. > > 17. Vertical smile > HAHAHAH YOU HAVE CLEARLY NEVER SEEN A SMILE AND ALMOST CERTAINLY WILL > NEVER SEE A VAGINA EITHER IF YOU EVER SAY THIS PHRASE ALOUD. > > 16. Poon > Ick. > > 15. Tang > Ick, just a tiny fraction less than the above. > > 14. Poontang > This term is somehow better than the sum of its parts. Still should never > be uttered unironically, but has a certain panache. > > 13. Vag/Vadge/Vájjhe > A+ for efficiency, but you’re a grown-up. Say the whole damn word. > > 12. Lady bits > This term was invented by daytime talk shows and women’s magazines to sell > tampons and yogurt. (MILLION-DOLLAR IDEA: Greek yogurt that comes with a > little serving of fruit to mix in and also a little serving of Midol, > because periods, amirite ladies?!? Ugh. I’m tired.) > > 11. Box > Relatively inoffensive, but like, a box is an actual defined thing that is > not at all similar to a vagina. Doesn’t come close to expressing all the > beautiful complexity of the female form. > > 10. Beaver > Same goes for this one. A beaver is ALREADY A THING (a thing with > buckteeth and a propensity for DIYing structures, unlike any vagina I have > ever encountered [maybe yours is different, I don’t know you, I don’t know > your life]). Don’t be lazy — find names that don’t already have homes. > > 9. Pussy > The actual word is, phonetically, fairly gross —that slithery double “s,” > that coy “y” at the end, the fact that is quite literally contains the word > “pus” — but it’s widely used enough to merit a place solidly in the middle > of this ranking, and can, in very specific circumstances, be sexy (in far > more circumstances, it is just plain creepy). It should never, ever, EVER > be deployed to imply that somebody is somehow weak or lacking, because stfu > patriarchy. > > 8. Cooch (var. coochie) > Sort of cute; possibly too much so, if you consider the legion of parents > who have lovingly “coochie-coochie-coo!”-ed at their babies throughout > human history. > > 7. Snatch > The less-cute counterpart to “cooch.” Uncomfortably visual, like a bear > trap quickly snapping shut, but at least that implies a certain amount of > toughness. Very few vaginal euphemisms do justice to the fact that vaginas > have CRAZY MUSCLES that can accommodate AN ENTIRE PERSON as they enter this > gorgeous, unforgiving world. > > 6. Muff > I had an American Girl Doll when I was younger. Her name was Samantha, and > according to her backstory she was from the Victorian era. One Christmas, > my parents bought me a set of winter clothes for her, including what the > American Girl catalog called a “muff.” It was small and furry and kept > Samantha’s cold plastic hands just a little bit warmer. I will always think > of it fondly. > > 5. Twat > Really should have nothing to do with an actual human vagina, but would > otherwise make a spectacularly satisfying insult. (Especially if you have a > British accent.) > > 4. Cunt > Same as above. British accents make everything sound better. > > 3. Bearded clam > This is just such a funny image, like a wizened old cartoon character who > lives next door to SpongeBob SquarePants. Full marks. > > 2. Hoo-ha > Has a certain twangy, old-timey charm. It’s kind of crass, but in a > delightful way, like a coarse yet kindly regular at a saloon in the Wild > West. Try saying it aloud, right now, wherever you happen to be. See? Good. > > 1. Vagina > What it actually literally is (or, if you’re referring to the outside, the > vulva). It fucking rules. QED. > > I am just confused... Please advise. >
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