Tomorrow's headline:
Benz advocates Milosevic-style ethnic-cleansing of bad roots-rockers from
Ohio!
Photo / caption quote:
> Tell ya what tho: we can ship you
> busloads of starry-eyed roots rockers, pot smoking dunderheads and a
> couple 1000 slack-asses. Isn't Austin a haven of some sort, for the
> indigent musician?
AP. Word on the street in Austin is that Texas immigration and
naturalization officials have been overwhelmed and caught off guard by an
unexpected influx of roots-rock refugees from the Cleveland, Euclid, and
Akron regions of Northeastern Ohio. Dazed and possibly stoned drummers,
guitarists, bassists, and other ragged-looking artistes stumbled out of
decrepit vans onto South Congress Avenue, snarling traffic, overwhelming
refugee facilities at the Texas Folklife Resources Agency, and telling
tales of strafing and bad reviews emanating from Sovines headquarters in
Columbus.
Further complicating Texas-Ohio relations is the unresolved issue
of a rare original copy of the Texas Declaration of Independence which has
surfaced in the Archives of the Ohio Historical Society, possibly related
to rumored but never proven Sovines intrusions on Texas soil. Historical
Society spokesperson Matt Benz had "no comment" on the provenance of this
much-disputed document and scoffed at accusations of theft orginiating in
the Office of the Governor in Austin. Instead he levelled blame on
"starry eyed roots rockers" and suggested that "if they like Texas so damn
much, then let's see 'em get a record deal in Austin!"
Texas roots-rock spokesperson Doug Sahm deplored the violence in
Ohio and reiterated that roots-rockers are welcome in Austin. According
to Sahm, who appears to be working independently of the Governor's office,
refugees should "get their accordions and come on down to the Hole in Wall
for a drink this afternoon." No word yet from Washington minister of
roots rock Bill Kirchen on a possible Federal intervention in the current
crisis.
