Hi Karen,
Once again, that's hardly reconciliation. Reconciliation is about doing our
best to right the wrongs, not about perpetuating the "us & them". I'm sure
someone else on this list will put it much more elegantly than I, but surely
you can't think revenge should be considered the essence of reconciliation?!
Cheers.
Glenn Murray
-----Original Message-----
From: Karen Crook [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]
Sent: Monday, March 13, 2000 6:59 PM
To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Subject: RE: [recoznet2] has the man no shame!!!!!
In other words I will never forget what happened to me but the greatest
revenge I can have to the person in question is to live my life to the
fullest. Letting them know they did not destroy me!!
Hmmmmmmmmmm, sweet revenge!
-----Original Message-----
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]On Behalf Of Glenn Murray
Sent: Monday, 13 March 2000 9:24 AM
To: '[EMAIL PROTECTED]'
Subject: RE: [recoznet2] has the man no shame!!!!!
<I have not forgiven but I have certainly tried to make something out of my
life.>
Reconciliation without forgiveness??? Hmmmm...
Glenn Murray
-----Original Message-----
From: Karen Crook [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]
Sent: Sunday, March 12, 2000 4:35 PM
To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Subject: RE: [recoznet2] has the man no shame!!!!!
>How would you feel, Karen? Would you forgive them and go forward as if
nothing had happened? >Would you think you now had equality?
>Would you betray the love of your children and parents and their deaths and
agree to forget so that >they could feel better?
No, I would not forgive them and no I would not think I had equality. But I
would also know that the siblings were not responsible for their parents
actions. You cannot hold someone responsible for someone else's actions. One
would probably be impressed with the fact they came forward and acknowledged
what had happened and agreed to try and make things better. Is that so
wrong?
As for apologising with reconciliation: Why should I be forced to betray my
own innocence and apologise for something I never had any involvement with?
My family were never involved so I personally do not wish to apologise. I'm
not being stubborn or a racist just simply standing up for my beliefs, my
morals and my own family's innocence.
Perhaps people should be knocking on the doors of those who actually were
responsible for each individual atrocity and bring them to justice - if they
are still alive.
They are the ones you want to say sorry.
By saying that everybody should apologise, you then make people feel guilty
for something they did not do - trying to force the hand - when all we want
to do is move on in a peaceful, harmonious life.
I do understand the story and it is very sad. Over time most people never
forget but they do move on. It's not about whether the other person or their
children apologise, it is about yourself becoming stronger and moving on
with life. Everyone has suffered some sort of hardship in their life. But no
matter how much the anger stays with one you cannot expect someone who had
nothing to do with the original sin to apologise. It's like admitting to a
crime you did not commit!
I have suffered some very distressing and personal issues of my own where I
had an amazing level of anger inside me. Eventually over time though I have
moved on. I have not forgiven but I have certainly tried to make something
out of my life. I realised that there was no point in grieving all the time
- it gets you no where and realising that what happened happened even for no
good reason.
What makes you think I was being so defensive about my age???? I put forward
my age simply to show which generation I am from and that my views are from
a younger person.
-----Original Message-----
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]On Behalf Of Trudy and Rod Bray
Sent: Sunday, 12 March 2000 3:06 PM
To: RecOzNet2
Subject: Re: [recoznet2] has the man no shame!!!!!
Karen,
I don't know why you are so defensive about your age. There are many young
people on the list. Some younger than you are.
You ask why an apology is necessary and how it will make reconciliation
work. An apology is only a part of reconciliation but a very necessary part.
Let me pose you a scenario:
You are married and have children. You live with your extended family on a
very productive farm and everyone gets along pretty well and have enough to
eat.
Then, some people you've never seen before come onto your farm and begin
shooting your family. Your husband and 2 of your 5 children are killed right
in front of you.. Most of your extended family, your mother and father,
aunts and uncles are killed. Some of the men come and rape your two young
daughters and bash your young son. Almost all the people you have known and
loved all your life are dead and you have no one to comfort you or to help
you. They take your farm and everything on it and leave you a small plot to
live on but only if you work the farm for barely enough food to live on. You
have no choice because you don't want your children to starve to death so
you work for the people who took everything you loved from you.
Eventually, your two daughters give birth to a child each but they look
different from your family and before long, the people you work for tear the
the children away from your daughters and leave with them. You are
grief-stricken for your daughters and the loss of your grandchildren, you
are angry but helpless to do anything about it. Your son has never been the
same since his bashing and is sullen and refuses to do anything except
destroy everything he touches. You can't reach him no matter what you do and
you fear for his life. Your daughters become distant and begin drinking to
forget what has happened to them and one morning you find one of them dead.
She is 18.
The years pass and you are now getting old. The people who took everything
from you are dead and their children are now in charge. They still make you
work hard and give you a little extra now and then.
Then, one day they come to see you. They want everything that has happened
to be forgotten. They now want to live as equals. They offer to give you a
bit more land so that you can grow things for yourself and have a bit more
to eat. Of course, you will no longer get anything extra from them. Also,
the conditions attached to this land are that everything is to be done as
they instruct. You cannot follow the practices of the past. They offer to
educate your new grandchild but insist on choosing what is taught and only
in their language.
They want to go forward as if nothing has happened and they want you to
forget what their parents did to you and your family and not live in the
past. They refuse to apologise because they don't feel responsible for what
their parents did even though they know what their parents did and they are
growing rich on what the farm produces. They cannot even bring themselves to
tell you that they are sorry for what you have suffered....
How would you feel, Karen? Would you forgive them and go forward as if
nothing had happened? Would you think you now had equality?
Would you betray the love of your children and parents and their deaths and
agree to forget so that they could feel better?
Trudy
Karen wrote:
> Tim,
>Just because he doesn't believe in saying sorry doesn't mean he doesn't
believe in people living as >a nation united!!
>There is no need for a sorry - how will it make reconciliation work?
>Can anyone even answer that question?
Karen
-----Original Message-----
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [
mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
<mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]> ]On Behalf Of tdunlop
Sent: Saturday, 11 March 2000 9:09 AM
To: RecOzNet2
Subject: [recoznet2] has the man no shame!!!!!
Trudy wrote:
Howard is saying nothing new but I think the time has come for
people to ask him to prove his 'commitment'. So far, all his actions
have proved the opposite. --- Trudy
Trudy,
Not just his actions, but his words. I can't believe anyone at all can
take him seriously on this. I can't believe he has the nerve to come out of
a meeting and
say, once again, that he's committed to reconciliation. It's only a
week ago on 3AW that he said: "What baffles me about this (reconciliation)
issue is that I'm
expected to repudiate my own personal beliefs; I'm told that the only
way I can show leadership on this issue is to do something I don't believe
in."
The game was up the moment he uttered this, for once, truthful comment
- he doesn't believe in it. But still, his comment about being committed to
reconciliation keeps popping like an unflushable turd. Bit like the
man himself.
I'm flabbergasted.
Tim
--
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