You probably have to be somewhat or a local to get some of these, but what the heck. Enjoy and get ready for the Dayton Hamvention just around the corner... s.
Visitor's Guide to Dayton, Ohio 1. You must learn to correctly pronounce the city name. It is Date ---uhn, "O-hi-o" 2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Dayton has its own version of traffic rules - the truck with the loudest exhaust goes next at a 4-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires goes after that. The exception to the above is that blue haired ladies driving anything have the right of way anytime. 3. To find anything in Dayton, it is required that you know where the old Rike's, Rike's Kettering, and Mayor's Jewelers buildings were. 4. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 to 10:00 am. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning. 5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot. 6. You must know that Woodman Drive, Harshman Road, Turner Road, Shoup Mill and Wright Brothers Parkway are the same road. 7. Construction is a permanent fixture in Dayton. The orange barrels are moved around in the middle of the night to make the next days driving a bit more exciting. 8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as deer, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, pot holes, cats, pieces of other cars, opossum, truck tires, raccoons, squirrels, rabbits, and crows or vultures feeding on any of these items. Be careful of individuals scouring these items for possible usage as the main entree on their dinner menu. 9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated" and welcome them to Dayton, because they must be a visitor. 10. The minimum acceptable speed on the Indy speedway (I-675) is 95 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. This is Dayton's version of NASCAR and the Indy 500. 11. Never honk at anyone. To do so, invites serious bodily injury. 12. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 55 zone ... you are considered a road hazard and will receive flashing lights and blaring horns from other drivers.. 13. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for city driving. 14. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend. 15. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, then there's a Festival going on somewhere in the Dayton area. (If you work at Wright-Patt, there's a 95% chance you'll have a fire drill).
