Same here. Whenever Phyllis and i argue, i always ask myself one question "Is she *trying* to hurt me?" The day that question is answered "yes", there's an issue. But as long as each of us knows the other is simply trying to express an opinion, that we love each other still (and perhaps more importantly, *like* each other) then we can put the overly sensitive nature aside and try to work things out. So much of it is that the person you trust the most can also hurt you the easiest, so you have to remember that it's not intentional. I've seen couples who argue who are trying to hurt it each other, and it's a painful and sad thing to watch that often ends in divorce.
We also do things like making sure to let the other talk instead of talking over each other, saying things like "This is what I feel you're saying", or "What I just heard you say is". The latter allows the other to say "no, that's not what I meant" or "Sorry, i used the wrong words". This replaces stuff like "Don't say that to me!" or "How dare you say that?!" etc. Frankly, some of the same tools we're taught to negotiate disagreements in the business world--trying to step back, analyze, restate--help in relationships. What's helped me too is like you--life. Losing so many loved ones, having so many health issues ourselves recently, trying to find happiness in life sometimes when jobs and finances beat you down. You can do two things: start working with each other more as friends and partners, or let the anger/fear make you snipe at each other. We've taken conscious steps to remind ourselves that we're partners and best friends who need to be working together, not against each other. And frankly I've spent more time asking myself sometimes why I'm angry during an argument: is it really at her, or is it symptomatic of more general dissatisfaction with other aspects of my life. That makes me focus more on changing the things in my life that are making me unhappy, trying to live a better and happier life and remove those sources of stress that may come out in arguments with my wife, but really have nothing to do with her. -------------- Original message -------------- From: "Tracey de Morsella (formerly Tracey L. Minor)" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> You guys are not really different than Chris and I. While we have always gone out of our way not to say things that would hurt each other, we both can be marathon fighters. Our circumstances forced us to do another way. We had Kira. When she was an infant, we would go in another room and argue in low tones. (or at least try to). But it was still good practice with learning not to yell. Can't say that I have mastered it. Then with that horrible situation in Mexico with our lives falling apart and both of us getting sick, a couple of things happened. We were arguing all the time because of our dire circumstances, she was older and harder to keep away from the fray. She could see that I seemed to be dying. She asked me if I was going away sometimes and started having nightmares. I was in so much pain that her normally extremely affectionate Mom, winced she touched me. Not a great situation for her. With the situation so bad, we had to do something about what was in our control. So we started discussing way to better handle our disagreements and to really talk to each other when we were not angry. Separating and coming back seemed to be the best way. Our true nature is to come out swinging and win, but in the end you get nothing. So this stepping back approach, while less rewarding in the very short term, usually has us talking it out and making up so we can be the laughing, teasing, silly and affectionate parents Kira is used to having around. Sounds like even without a kid around, you guys are working to do the same thing. When are you going to see Jumper? [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: > that's good to know. i unfortunately can argue and debate for hours, > literally, if really passionate about something. My wife and I are admittedly > both a bit sensitive and stubborn, so we can go for a while. I long ago > learned to figure out when it's time to just leave the discussion for a while > in order to go somewhere and cool down, then come back and talk. If she's > being recalcitrant or even hurtful, I have to make an effort to remind myself > she's not intentionally hurting me, and once i can remember that, i can > discuss things more rationally. Same with her. > > I have a really bad temper, which i'm sure is genetically inherited from my > birth mom, so I have to be sure not to take stuff personally too quickly. > Combine that with my love for talking and my desire to understand all sides > of an issue, and whoo boy! Back when i was home for my mother's funeral, my > older brother jumped me about a comment I made about Mom that he felt was > disrespectful. That led to all kinds of stuff being aired in a five hour > discussion from 1 am to sunrise. At the end, he was amazed that I was still > able to discuss and debate with vigor, though dead on my feet. > > -------------- Original message -------------- > From: "Tracey de Morsella (formerly Tracey L. Minor)" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > We fight now and then. Its rarely serious. It happens with two people > who both are right :). One of the reasons I married him, is he does > not like prolonged battles nor misunderstandings. I'm the same way, I > hope. > > When I came home, we talked and made up. We are cool. thanks for > asking :) > > [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: > >> thanks, that helps a great bit. >> Yout two cool now? >> >> -------------- Original message -------------- >> From: "Tracey de Morsella (formerly Tracey L. Minor)" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> >> Actually, that is why I did it. Chris and I had a fight. When that >> happens, we try to walk away and come back together after we cool off. >> I needed to kill a few hours, and take my mind off stuff, so I drove up >> to the theater. Jumper was about to start, so I chose it. It took my >> mind off of stuff. I know you got more serious stuff going on, but it >> is just what the doctor ordered. I went with very low expectations so I >> enjoyed it and went home to make up with Chris >> >> [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: >> >> >>> i've had several people tell me to stay away from this movie at all costs. >>> But I really need a fun time waster to take my mind off some things. Is it >>> at least a good popcorn flick Phyllis and I can lose ourselves in for a >>> couple of hours without feeling regret? >>> >>> -------------- Original message -------------- >>> From: "Tracey de Morsella (formerly Tracey L. Minor)" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> >>> I saw it. It definitely was not theater worthy, but I think it would be >>> a great TV show. I love the teleportation concept and some of the >>> mythology and laws were good too. Unfortunately, it came across like a >>> pilot movie for a scifi tv show. To mad it is not a tv series >>> >>> ravenadal wrote: >>> >>> >>> >>>> To me, teleportation has always been the coolest of all superpowers. >>>> Couple it with a "proximity sense," keen hearing (so you can hear >>>> when a shot is fired and teleport an instant before it gets there), >>>> or just plain "common sense" and you have one heck of a skill set! >>>> >>>> ~rave! >>>> >>>> --- In scifinoir2@yahoogroups.com, "DJ VIBE" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>>>> On Feb 15, 2008 6:31 PM, ravenadal <ravenadal@> wrote: >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>>> There is a scene in the new Jumper movie (no, I have not seen >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>> it) >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>>>> SPOILER >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>> ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>>>>> where the hero is watching the aftermath of the Hurricane >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>> Karina on >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>>>> his television. He gets dressed and teleports...to London, >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>> where he >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>>>> has a date. So much for great responsibility coming with >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>> great >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>>> power! >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> It was right in keeping with how his character was established in >>>>> the movie, although for a moment there I thought he might think of >>>>> using his abilities for good. >>>>> >>>>> Overall, I found the movie pretty good, with one exception. How >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>> the >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>>> hell did the Paladins continually catch jumpers? Its one thing if >>>>> you get the drop on one, but if you're standing in FRONT of one who >>>>> is fresh and the jumper sees you and you try to get him with your >>>>> stun-wand, how are you gonna get him? In less than three minutes, >>>>> my wife and I came up with several ways to use a teleportation >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>> power >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>>> offesinvely (i.e. teleport in a circle around your opponent a la >>>>> Nightcrawer. et. al) and in all of those cases we came up with, no >>>>> normal human would have a chance against a jumper. >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>> Yahoo! Groups Links >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> Yahoo! Groups Links >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] >> >> >> >> >> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] >> >> >> >> >> Yahoo! Groups Links >> >> >> >> >> >> >> > > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] > > > > > Yahoo! Groups Links > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
