Re: [Callers] mental health and dance calling

[Martha Edwards]

Good points, all, as usual.

The more difficult problem is how to keep the creeps from behaving that way
with younger, or newer, dancers, who don't know yet what sort of atmosphere
we generally maintain, and are reluctant to "cause a scene". Mostly, I
think, if it's too bad, they just go away, never to return and find out that
99% of dancers would never think of acting that way.

So, when we tell these folks a direct "NO" (and we should, oh yes, we
should!) we can do those dancers a favor and tell the creeps exactly what
they did that was offensive. Tell them what they did and how you feel about
it. And tell a trustworthy board member.

I admit I haven't always been direct with people on my own behalf - I just
get away and move on. Oddly, I'm much more comfortable speaking to these
folks on behalf of others. No fear. Wonder what that's about.

M
E

On Sat, Jul 9, 2011 at 12:27 PM, Amy Cann  wrote:

> I'll bet this discussion is going to continue for a bit, so let's clarify:
>
> I've ALWAYS made people stop what they are doing -- made them leave more
> room, move a hand -- I've just always done it non-verbally. If I don't want
> to be dipped, I don't get dipped -- I can shift my weight or go inert in
> ways that make it impossible. I'm not shy about taking care of myself, and
> that cold/silent treatment is pretty darn harsh/unmistakable (just ask my
> husband :)
>
> But on reflection, it's always been a private interchange. By "calling
> out",
> I mean it in the most specific way: calling them out from the crowd, into
> the spotlight, to be addressed in front of an audience. I've very rarely
> seen this happen, and have never heard of a woman walking off the floor
> mid-dance.
>
>
>
>
>
> On Sat, Jul 9, 2011 at 1:15 PM, Bree Kalb  wrote:
>
> > Amy wrote: But have I truly called
> >
> > them out on it? No. And neither have any of my peers.
> >
> > I have.
> > Now that I'm older, it doesn't happen as often, but still does
> > occasionally.
> > I've put my left palm against a man's shoulder and pushed him back,
> saying:
> > "I don't want to dance that close.' Or: "I don't sleaze dance." The next
> > time they've asked me to dance,  I've said "I'll only dance with you
> again
> > if you don't (do that particular thing again.)" They've always agreed and
> > behaved themselves, for that dance. When I come to them in the line, I
> > automatically push them back a little. But I know I'm an exception; the
> > younger, shyer women don't feel comfortable setting limits. Even someone
> > like Amy (who I surmise is not particularly shy) is uneasy being so bold.
> So
> > it's important that the organizers pay attention and act. Our board
> actually
> > banned a guy from dancing because he was preying on teenage girls; other
> > dance organizers in the area followed suit.
> >
> > Bree Kalb
> > Carrboro
> > __**_
> > Callers mailing list
> > call...@sharedweight.net
> > http://www.sharedweight.net/**mailman/listinfo/callers<
> http://www.sharedweight.net/mailman/listinfo/callers>
> >
> ___
> Callers mailing list
> call...@sharedweight.net
> http://www.sharedweight.net/mailman/listinfo/callers
>



-- 
As you set out for Ithaka, pray that your journey be long, full of
adventure, full of discovery...
May there be many summer mornings when, with what pleasure, with what joy,
you enter harbors you're seeing for the first time.
~Constantine Cavafy, "Ithaka" 1911

Re: [Callers] mental health and dance calling

[Amy Cann]

I'll bet this discussion is going to continue for a bit, so let's clarify:

I've ALWAYS made people stop what they are doing -- made them leave more
room, move a hand -- I've just always done it non-verbally. If I don't want
to be dipped, I don't get dipped -- I can shift my weight or go inert in
ways that make it impossible. I'm not shy about taking care of myself, and
that cold/silent treatment is pretty darn harsh/unmistakable (just ask my
husband :)

But on reflection, it's always been a private interchange. By "calling out",
I mean it in the most specific way: calling them out from the crowd, into
the spotlight, to be addressed in front of an audience. I've very rarely
seen this happen, and have never heard of a woman walking off the floor
mid-dance.





On Sat, Jul 9, 2011 at 1:15 PM, Bree Kalb  wrote:

> Amy wrote: But have I truly called
>
> them out on it? No. And neither have any of my peers.
>
> I have.
> Now that I'm older, it doesn't happen as often, but still does
> occasionally.
> I've put my left palm against a man's shoulder and pushed him back, saying:
> "I don't want to dance that close.' Or: "I don't sleaze dance." The next
> time they've asked me to dance,  I've said "I'll only dance with you again
> if you don't (do that particular thing again.)" They've always agreed and
> behaved themselves, for that dance. When I come to them in the line, I
> automatically push them back a little. But I know I'm an exception; the
> younger, shyer women don't feel comfortable setting limits. Even someone
> like Amy (who I surmise is not particularly shy) is uneasy being so bold. So
> it's important that the organizers pay attention and act. Our board actually
> banned a guy from dancing because he was preying on teenage girls; other
> dance organizers in the area followed suit.
>
> Bree Kalb
> Carrboro
> __**_
> Callers mailing list
> call...@sharedweight.net
> http://www.sharedweight.net/**mailman/listinfo/callers
>

Re: [Callers] mental health and dance calling

[Bree Kalb]

Amy wrote: But have I truly called
them out on it? No. And neither have any of my peers.

I have.
Now that I'm older, it doesn't happen as often, but still does occasionally.
I've put my left palm against a man's shoulder and pushed him back, saying: 
"I don't want to dance that close.' Or: "I don't sleaze dance." The next 
time they've asked me to dance,  I've said "I'll only dance with you again 
if you don't (do that particular thing again.)" They've always agreed and 
behaved themselves, for that dance. When I come to them in the line, I 
automatically push them back a little. But I know I'm an exception; the 
younger, shyer women don't feel comfortable setting limits. Even someone 
like Amy (who I surmise is not particularly shy) is uneasy being so bold. 
So it's important that the organizers pay attention and act. Our board 
actually banned a guy from dancing because he was preying on teenage girls; 
other dance organizers in the area followed suit.


Bree Kalb
Carrboro 

Re: [Callers] mental health and dance calling

[Amy Cann]

It's funny, I'm listening to all of these stories and thinking about the
creepers I've run into over the years, and I'm thinking to myself:

"Well, it's really quite simple, isn't it? Ladies, if a gent is being
inappropriate, walk away!

Just wait until you're out at the top or bottom, turn to him and say 'I am
uncomfortable with what you are doing and am not going to finish this dance
with you' -- and then do it. Walk off. And if he's really offensive, don't
wait until the end, bail out right then and there. The world won't end if a
line of dancers has to cope with a hole. What's more important, ten more
minutes of perfect dancing for that line, at that dance, or a really good
behavior-modification moment that will actually improve the dance community
more in the long run?"

And yet it isn't that simple, is it? We don't do it. We have these halls
just filled with women who are about as uniformly
modern/educated/self-actuated/socially conscious/feminist as it gets, who
spend our days running businesses or doing high end IT/research --  or
teaching children or counseling teens or lobbying to pass laws on issues
just like this -- and not once in my experience have I ever known a woman to
say "Nope, enough, not going to let you do this."

Heck, I've marched eighth grade boys (and girls) off the playground for
inappropriate behavior without a flinch, but at a dance, when it's *me? *I've
been groped and dipped and clenched a few times over the years and the most
overt thing I've ever done is reached back, grabbed his hand, moved it up
about six inches to the small of my back, and said "works much better for me
if you keep your hand *there". *The other times, I've simply become ice
cold/distant and stopped making eye contact - which can be quite the putdown
if you really work it, smile and nod at all of your neighbors but shut down
completely every time you return to your partner. But have I truly called
them out on it? No. And neither have any of my peers.

Food for thought.

Re: [Callers] mental health and dance calling

[Martha Edwards]

So true that the person has to change the behavior! I just don't make the
person admit to the behavior - but I do suggest that they must be doing
SOMETHING that makes people uncomfortable. And I also say "As long as I
don't get any more complaints, we'll consider this over!" Since they don't
know who complained, it means that I don't have to be there to make them
behave better.

Sometimes I say "Look, don't tell me, but if in your heart of hearts you
actually are trying to get away with inappropriate behavior, please stop. If
you really really aren't, and this is all a big misunderstanding, please
figure out what you are doing that people find offensive, and do something
different."  If the complaint was specific "He touched my breasts." "He/she
grabbed my ass." "He held me way too close." "He flashed his thong." (No
kidding. This happened.) I will do the person the favor of telling them
exactly what it was they are said to have done that was offensive - again,
still giving them the right to save face. But I make it clear I don't want
to hear about it again.

What would I do if I heard about it again?  I wouldn't be quite so nice.

But I do want to 1) let people change and 2) avoid accusing an innocent but
awkward person.

Also: I'm doing this as a member of the board, not as a caller.

Frankly, I want the dance to be a safe place. A safe place to flirt, for
example. So no actual extra-marital affairs at the dance. No pursuing people
who haven't explicitly said the feeling is mutual. Friendly. Affectionate.
Caring. Loving even. But no unwanted intimacy, ever.

M
E

On Fri, Jul 8, 2011 at 9:04 PM, Greg McKenzie  wrote:

> Martha Wrote:
> " In all cases, the person continued to try to convince me
> no harm was meant (while I'm thinking 'milord doth protest too much...'),"
>
> I had a similar experience with a guy who a number of women complained
> about
> his creepy violations of personal space.  I spoke with him and he assured
> me
> that he had no such intentions.  I let it drop and wished later that I had
> been more firm.  I think it is important to clarify that, "I'm not talking
> about your intentions or what you *meant*.  I'm talking about your
> behavior.  It is your behavior that is offending people, not your
> intentions.  You need to change your *behavior*."
>
> This individual has mitigated his behavior only to the extent that he
> avoids
> creepy behavior when I am in the vicinity.
>
> - Greg
> ___
> Callers mailing list
> call...@sharedweight.net
> http://www.sharedweight.net/mailman/listinfo/callers
>

Re: [Callers] mental health and dance calling

[Laur]

I agree, Donald.  The caller certainly should bring this to the organizer/ 
board member attention, and esp note if you have seen this as a pattern.  I see 
it as a community issue, one which may already be noted, or in process of being 
handled.

We have similar "glomb" issues here.  Because our local dancers 
frequent several other communities it's nice sometimes to take a more 
global stand.

Laurie
 ~
When I dance, I cannot judge, I cannot hate, I cannot separate myself from 
life. I can only be joyful and whole, that is why I dance.  ~Hans Bos~
~


>
>From: Donald Perley <donper...@gmail.com>
>To: Caller's discussion list <call...@sharedweight.net>
>Sent: Friday, July 8, 2011 6:27 PM
>Subject: Re: [Callers] mental health and dance calling
>
>On Fri, Jul 8, 2011 at 1:30 PM, Chip Hedler <ch...@rumney.org> wrote:
>
>> When he showed up at a public dance I was calling and started his 
routine,
>> at the first break I asked him to come outside for a private chat.
>
>That seems like something the organizers should handle, since they are
>there every dance and the caller generally isn't.
>___
>Callers mailing list
>call...@sharedweight.net
>http://www.sharedweight.net/mailman/listinfo/callers
>
>
>

Re: [Callers] mental health and dance calling

[Greg McKenzie]

On calling a dancer outside for a private chat Donald wrote:

"That seems like something the organizers should handle, since they are
there every dance and the caller generally isn't."

I agree.  But the caller is the most prominent authority figure in the room
and we have to be willing to field reports of poor behavior.  Sometimes I
make a comment before the break something like:

"If there is anything happening in the hall that makes you feel
uncomfortable for any reason please feel free to talk to me or any Board
Member about it during the break."

This is an unfortunately negative comment from the caller.  But if there is
a known offender in the room it might be a way to put them on notice that
uncivil behavior will not be tolerated.  I think it may also make many folks
feel a bit safer in the hall if there is a structure for gathering
information about such behavior.

I would be interested in ideas about any other actions the caller can take
that might make the room feel safer for everyone.

- Greg McKenzie

Re: [Callers] mental health and dance calling

[Greg McKenzie]

Martha Wrote:
" In all cases, the person continued to try to convince me
no harm was meant (while I'm thinking 'milord doth protest too much...'),"

I had a similar experience with a guy who a number of women complained about
his creepy violations of personal space.  I spoke with him and he assured me
that he had no such intentions.  I let it drop and wished later that I had
been more firm.  I think it is important to clarify that, "I'm not talking
about your intentions or what you *meant*.  I'm talking about your
behavior.  It is your behavior that is offending people, not your
intentions.  You need to change your *behavior*."

This individual has mitigated his behavior only to the extent that he avoids
creepy behavior when I am in the vicinity.

- Greg

Re: [Callers] mental health and dance calling

[Donald Perley]

On Fri, Jul 8, 2011 at 1:30 PM, Chip Hedler  wrote:

> When he showed up at a public dance I was calling and started his routine,
> at the first break I asked him to come outside for a private chat.

That seems like something the organizers should handle, since they are
there every dance and the caller generally isn't.

Re: [Callers] mental health and dance calling

[Martha Edwards]

I handle it slightly differently. When I get a report of creepy behavior, I
give the person the opportunity to deny it (because they generally will, I
find), and say "Between you and me, I'm going to assume it was an accident.
So we're okay. Just be sure you figure out what it is that you might be
doing, accidentally, that causes people to report that you are making them
uncomfortable. As far as I'm concerned, if I never hear about it again, it
never happened."  In all cases, the person continued to try to convince me
no harm was meant (while I'm thinking "milord doth protest too much..."),
but kind of stopped showing up for a while (showing that I got through to
them), then came back and behaved for a long period. Not forever - "that"
sort of thing is usually pretty deeply ingrained - but enough to keep the
dance community safe and pleasant for a while.

It sounds as if the fellow you described was a bit more committed to bad
behavior than the ones I've dealt with, and it may be that I can be "nicer"
because I'm a woman, but I would like always to try compassion first. For
one thing, if I tell a new dancer whom I overhear complaining about a creepy
person that I'll talk to the person, nicely and anonymously, it sends the
message that it's okay to let us know because they don't have to take the
responsibility for having caused the person to be kicked out or whatever,
and it also sends the message that we really do mean it about being civil,
which makes it a safe place for the new person as well.

Still, that guy sounds pretty dreadful. I wish he could get some help.

M
E

On Fri, Jul 8, 2011 at 12:30 PM, Chip Hedler  wrote:

> This isn't EXACTLY a mental health issue, but a few years ago there was a
> male dancer in our area whose MO was to find unaccompanied young women who
> looked new to dancing and uncertain, take them under his wing, monopolize
> them, and become increasingly physically intrusive and obnoxious with them.
> At some of the larger dances I think some of the women attending told him
> off and he appeared much less frequently there but didn't disappear,
> shifting his attentions to smaller community-oriented dances such as the
> ones I've called regularly.
>
> When he showed up at a public dance I was calling and started his routine,
> at the first break I asked him to come outside for a private chat. I told
> him what I had seen (almost completely monopolizing that particular dancer,
> and pressing her and other women he met in the line closely and grasping
> rather than supporting them while swinging). I told him how I felt his
> behavior went counter to the norms of this and most dances, exploited the
> normal trust dancers share and enjoy while in each other's arms, and in
> fact, was blatant sexual harrassment. I shared the revulsion and anxiety
> that other dancers had expressed to me about his presence and how that
> deeply undermined their ability to enjoy participating. In conclusion, I
> told him that, speaking for myself as the caller and on behalf of many
> others, if any of this behavior continued, his presence would be unwelcome
> enough that I would ask him to leave.
>
> He made feeble denials and protests, but cleaned up his act for the next
> couple of dances before leaving early. The next dance where I was calling
> at
> which he turned up, I was able to speak to him before the dance started and
> reminded him of our previous conversation. But before the break, he started
> pushing the limits as before and I had to speak with him again. This time,
> after making similar feeble excuses, he simply left and never appeared
> again
> at any dances I called or attended.
>
> What happens away from dances isn't really my first concern as a caller,
> but
> as a community member I found it significant news when it was later
> reported
> widely that similar behavior on his part in other settings had led to legal
> consequences.
>
> My only regret is that I hadn't dealt with it before it became so blatant.
> Have others had to deal with this kind of situation, and if so, how?
>
> Chip Hedler
> ___
> Callers mailing list
> call...@sharedweight.net
> http://www.sharedweight.net/mailman/listinfo/callers
>



-- 
As you set out for Ithaka, pray that your journey be long, full of
adventure, full of discovery...
May there be many summer mornings when, with what pleasure, with what joy,
you enter harbors you're seeing for the first time.
~Constantine Cavafy, "Ithaka" 1911

Re: [Callers] mental health and dance calling

[Chip Hedler]

This isn't EXACTLY a mental health issue, but a few years ago there was a
male dancer in our area whose MO was to find unaccompanied young women who
looked new to dancing and uncertain, take them under his wing, monopolize
them, and become increasingly physically intrusive and obnoxious with them.
At some of the larger dances I think some of the women attending told him
off and he appeared much less frequently there but didn't disappear,
shifting his attentions to smaller community-oriented dances such as the
ones I've called regularly.

When he showed up at a public dance I was calling and started his routine,
at the first break I asked him to come outside for a private chat. I told
him what I had seen (almost completely monopolizing that particular dancer,
and pressing her and other women he met in the line closely and grasping
rather than supporting them while swinging). I told him how I felt his
behavior went counter to the norms of this and most dances, exploited the
normal trust dancers share and enjoy while in each other's arms, and in
fact, was blatant sexual harrassment. I shared the revulsion and anxiety
that other dancers had expressed to me about his presence and how that
deeply undermined their ability to enjoy participating. In conclusion, I
told him that, speaking for myself as the caller and on behalf of many
others, if any of this behavior continued, his presence would be unwelcome
enough that I would ask him to leave.

He made feeble denials and protests, but cleaned up his act for the next
couple of dances before leaving early. The next dance where I was calling at
which he turned up, I was able to speak to him before the dance started and
reminded him of our previous conversation. But before the break, he started
pushing the limits as before and I had to speak with him again. This time,
after making similar feeble excuses, he simply left and never appeared again
at any dances I called or attended.

What happens away from dances isn't really my first concern as a caller, but
as a community member I found it significant news when it was later reported
widely that similar behavior on his part in other settings had led to legal
consequences.

My only regret is that I hadn't dealt with it before it became so blatant.
Have others had to deal with this kind of situation, and if so, how?

Chip Hedler

Re: [Callers] mental health and dance calling

[Martha Wild]

I have had friends who were depressed who came dancing. One of the  
good things about contradancing for them was that during the dancing,  
because you have to pay attention and interact with people, there is  
little time to think depressive thoughts, so at least for the space  
of the dance their load was lightened.


I have known two autistic adults who came to the dances. They were  
both at the university - bright but definitely socially challenged. I  
was at first surprised because they did quite well and enjoyed it,  
but I think in retrospect that it worked well because the way you  
interact with other people is carefully defined for you - allemande  
left, do-si-do, etc. With the one man that I knew best, small talk  
was an impossibility, and distressed him, but the dancing was OK.


Luckily haven't had to deal with anyone particularly out of control,  
except one man who came to the dance drunk once, and I was the  
manager. I decided to suggest he sit out the dancing until he felt  
better - he got angry, and I was pretty nervous, but then he just  
turned around and left. Big sigh of relief.


In any event, I personally think contradancing is GREAT therapy.  
Music, movement, contact with other people - as long as you have a  
friendly, supportive group that helps make newcomers feel welcome and  
confident, it's good for what ails you.


Martha

On Jul 7, 2011, at 9:00 AM, callers-requ...@sharedweight.net wrote:


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Today's Topics:

   1. mental health and dance calling (jill allen)
   2. Re: mental health and dance calling (Bree Kalb)
   3. Re: mental health and dance calling (Greg McKenzie)


--

Message: 1
Date: Wed, 6 Jul 2011 15:05:05 -0500
From: jill allen 
To: call...@sharedweight.net
Subject: [Callers] mental health and dance calling
Message-ID: 
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii

We had a gentleman coming to our dances for years, who suddenly  
appeared one night ranting about the police and tasers.  He was  
drooling and showing delusional behavior, and was still dancing.   
Most dancers didn't think much of it, but some were very upset.


He continued to come to every dance, Contra and English, but when  
he came to our sweet little Family Dance and was smoking cigarettes  
on the sidewalk and greeting the children, I started feeling the  
need for a plan.  I talked with the local mental health facility  
and spoke to other organizers, but you know, what can you do?   
Well, somewhat accidentally, I had about a half hour conversation  
at a dance one night with him.  We were just chatting, and  
something magic happened.  I got to know him really well.  Every  
time he came to a dance, I talked with him.  He began to trust me,  
and vice versa.  I found out that he had been care-taking for his  
elderly dad, who was living with him.  His dad recently passed away  
while he was away at a dance weekend.  He explained that his  
father's death and his guilt for being gone had triggered his  
mental issues.  I don't know if it helped him to make friends with  
me, but it sure helped me!  I found him to be a really sweet  
person.  I used to dr
 ead his presence, and now I look forward to seeing him.  He is  
still coming to dances, which seems to help him.  His medications  
are better adjusted now and he blends in much better and is  
appropriate on the dance floor, for the most part.


I am sure that this approach won't work for all situations, but why  
not first try going straight to the problem with accidental love  
and friendship.


Good luck,
Jill Allen

--

Message: 2
Date: Wed, 6 Jul 2011 18:42:05 -0400
From: "Bree Kalb" 
To: 
Subject: Re: [Callers] mental health and dance calling
Message-ID: <92215C3FFBA84A9AB01D7D42E3466820@BreeHomeLaptop>
Content-Type: text/plain; format=flowed; charset="iso-8859-1";
reply-type=original

What a lovely story, Jill.  Although I'm a mental health  
professional I'm
often unsure how to include dancers with obvious problems. You've  
provided

an inspiration.

Bree Kalb
Carrboro NC

-Original Message-
From: jill allen
Sent: Wednesday, July 06, 2011 4:05 PM
To: call...@sharedweight.net
Subject: [Callers] mental health and dance calling

We had a gentleman coming to our dances for years, who suddenly  
appeared one
night ranting about the pol

Re: [Callers] mental health and dance calling

[Greg McKenzie]

Thank you Jill!  What a wonderful story!

I am going to chime in with one of my own stories.  I have been observing
the dances for years and there are many stories.  This one is not as
delightful as yours.

Years ago a man started attending a dance where I called often.  After about
a year some women complained to me that he seemed to always have whiskey on
his breath.  He also always seemed to be lost during the dances.  Some women
started avoiding him.  I decided to take some action and had a casual
conversation with him one night.  He mentioned that my calling was always
very clear but that he often got confused with other callers.  I thanked him
and mentioned--in a lighthearted way--that, for me, I get confused if I've
had one or two glassess of wine.  He didn't say anything.

He kept attending dances, but a bit less often.  About six months later
someone told me that he had committed suicide.  I have always wished I could
have handled that one a little better.  I still feel that it was a lost
opportunity.  Now I am living with a therapist so this kind of thing is much
more salient to me.

- Greg McKenzie

**

On Wed, Jul 6, 2011 at 1:05 PM, jill allen  wrote:

> We had a gentleman coming to our dances for years, who suddenly appeared
> one night ranting about the police and tasers.  He was drooling and showing
> delusional behavior, and was still dancing.  Most dancers didn't think much
> of it, but some were very upset.
>
> He continued to come to every dance, Contra and English, but when he came
> to our sweet little Family Dance and was smoking cigarettes on the sidewalk
> and greeting the children, I started feeling the need for a plan.  I talked
> with the local mental health facility and spoke to other organizers, but you
> know, what can you do?  Well, somewhat accidentally, I had about a half hour
> conversation at a dance one night with him.  We were just chatting, and
> something magic happened.  I got to know him really well.  Every time he
> came to a dance, I talked with him.  He began to trust me, and vice versa.
>  I found out that he had been care-taking for his elderly dad, who was
> living with him.  His dad recently passed away while he was away at a dance
> weekend.  He explained that his father's death and his guilt for being gone
> had triggered his mental issues.  I don't know if it helped him to make
> friends with me, but it sure helped me!  I found him to be a really sweet
> person.  I used to dr
>  ead his presence, and now I look forward to seeing him.  He is still
> coming to dances, which seems to help him.  His medications are better
> adjusted now and he blends in much better and is appropriate on the dance
> floor, for the most part.
>
> I am sure that this approach won't work for all situations, but why not
> first try going straight to the problem with accidental love and friendship.
>
> Good luck,
> Jill Allen
> ___
> Callers mailing list
> call...@sharedweight.net
> http://www.sharedweight.net/mailman/listinfo/callers
>

Re: [Callers] mental health and dance calling

[Bree Kalb]

What a lovely story, Jill.  Although I'm a mental health professional I'm 
often unsure how to include dancers with obvious problems. You've provided 
an inspiration.


Bree Kalb
Carrboro NC

-Original Message- 
From: jill allen

Sent: Wednesday, July 06, 2011 4:05 PM
To: call...@sharedweight.net
Subject: [Callers] mental health and dance calling

We had a gentleman coming to our dances for years, who suddenly appeared one 
night ranting about the police and tasers.  He was drooling and showing 
delusional behavior, and was still dancing.  Most dancers didn't think much 
of it, but some were very upset.


He continued to come to every dance, Contra and English, but when he came to 
our sweet little Family Dance and was smoking cigarettes on the sidewalk and 
greeting the children, I started feeling the need for a plan.  I talked with 
the local mental health facility and spoke to other organizers, but you 
know, what can you do?  Well, somewhat accidentally, I had about a half hour 
conversation at a dance one night with him.  We were just chatting, and 
something magic happened.  I got to know him really well.  Every time he 
came to a dance, I talked with him.  He began to trust me, and vice versa. 
I found out that he had been care-taking for his elderly dad, who was living 
with him.  His dad recently passed away while he was away at a dance 
weekend.  He explained that his father's death and his guilt for being gone 
had triggered his mental issues.  I don't know if it helped him to make 
friends with me, but it sure helped me!  I found him to be a really sweet 
person.  I used to dr
ead his presence, and now I look forward to seeing him.  He is still coming 
to dances, which seems to help him.  His medications are better adjusted now 
and he blends in much better and is appropriate on the dance floor, for the 
most part.


I am sure that this approach won't work for all situations, but why not 
first try going straight to the problem with accidental love and friendship.


Good luck,
Jill Allen

[Callers] mental health and dance calling

[jill allen]

We had a gentleman coming to our dances for years, who suddenly appeared one 
night ranting about the police and tasers.  He was drooling and showing 
delusional behavior, and was still dancing.  Most dancers didn't think much of 
it, but some were very upset.

He continued to come to every dance, Contra and English, but when he came to 
our sweet little Family Dance and was smoking cigarettes on the sidewalk and 
greeting the children, I started feeling the need for a plan.  I talked with 
the local mental health facility and spoke to other organizers, but you know, 
what can you do?  Well, somewhat accidentally, I had about a half hour 
conversation at a dance one night with him.  We were just chatting, and 
something magic happened.  I got to know him really well.  Every time he came 
to a dance, I talked with him.  He began to trust me, and vice versa.  I found 
out that he had been care-taking for his elderly dad, who was living with him.  
His dad recently passed away while he was away at a dance weekend.  He 
explained that his father's death and his guilt for being gone had triggered 
his mental issues.  I don't know if it helped him to make friends with me, but 
it sure helped me!  I found him to be a really sweet person.  I used to dread 
his presence, and now I look forward to seeing him.  He is still coming to 
dances, which seems to help him.  His medications are better adjusted now and 
he blends in much better and is appropriate on the dance floor, for the most 
part.

I am sure that this approach won't work for all situations, but why not first 
try going straight to the problem with accidental love and friendship.

Good luck,
Jill Allen 

[Callers] Mental Health and Dance Calling

[Greg McKenzie]

A Surgeon General report states:

"The current prevalence estimate is that about 20 percent of the U.S.
population are affected by mental disorders during a given year."

http://www.surgeongeneral.gov/library/mentalhealth/chapter2/sec2_1.html

What impact do mental health problems have upon callers?  Do you have a
personal experience with a specific individual?  Do you consider the number
of depressed, paranoid, or otherwise troubled people in the hall--many of
whom have been struggling with stressful life changes?

How do callers approach this issue?

Do you consider this to be beyond your responsibility?

Do you think that this affects your success as a caller?  (In the "average"
dance hall there is likely to be at least one individual who is currently
paranoid...to at least some degree.  How will they respond to negative
comments from the caller?)

I would be interested in your experience and how you approach this issue.

- Greg McKenzie