I'll just speak up for the "it's not always homophobia" contingent. There
are a multitude of reasons why dancers (of all genders) may not wish to
dance with men in particular. Not the least of which is we can't possibly
know the burdens others carry. Trauma is real and there are reasons we
can't possibly know why an individual may wish to go dancing, but not wish
to dance closely with a person or with men (or others) more generally. I'm
fortunate not to carry such trauma, but I can offer another perspective
being a disabled person, who passes as able bodied and (still) young. I
used to dance more frequently with other men when I was younger, but all
instances where I've fallen, felt unsafe, or had to leave a set midway
through a dance have been with men who have made assumptions about my
capabilities, especially during swings. I'll note that this happens even in
"traditionally gendered" settings (though less so) with things like
larks allemanding left 1.5 or men taking liberties during full heys. In
those moments, I appreciate role switching because I'll use it sometimes to
avoid doing a particular figure with someone upcoming in the line -- these
men have even been experienced and talented dancers. There is a certain
roughhousing nature that men tend to have uniquely with other men, as
though it's expected to just want to see who can out-muscle whom. This
amplifies the exuberance that some men have in dancing. I'd ask men reading
this to reflect on whether they do this too, but I also recognize that it's
a part of what brings some men joy when dancing with other men. It's tricky.
Anyway, all that is to say: if I'm one of a few guys who hasn't partnered
during paring time, I would rather sit out than dance with most men, whose
dancing I don't know and trust. And, yes, I realize an answer here is to
just simply tell the people I dance with to treat me in certain ways, and
sometimes I do do that. But I also don't want to do a PSA about how to
interact with me specifically. If I go to a dance it's to have a fun time,
not to dwell on my physical limitations. Not to mention that there's no
guarantee my explanations will be heeded. Sidestepping is just plain
easier, and my hope is that others not judge me for that.
S
On Sun, Mar 17, 2024 at 9:51 PM Patricia Campbell via Contra Callers <
contracallers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
> My 2¢
> I agree - it's not always homophobia that is behind the reaction -
> sometimes it's entire generations of upbringing that make it extremely
> difficult/awkward for some men to be in a more physically intimate space
> than they usually find themselves in.
> And it's one thing to do an allemande left with another man - you're not
> as physically close for as long)... many men are only used to being in
> close proximity with other men in a sports role or a slap on the back
> "hello" (in the *American* culture - other cultures aren't anywhere near as
> uptight).
>
> I think that some of the alternative swing suggestions made will go a long
> way to easing the reactions - they're just less intimate, less of a
> "threat" of any kind (whether cultural boundaries/homophobia/whatever).
>
> My opinions...
>
> Patricia
>
> Patricia Campbell
> southern ME
> (she/her)
>
>
> On Sun, Mar 17, 2024 at 7:24 PM Julian Blechner via Contra Callers <
> contracallers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
>
>> Read and JJ,
>>
>> This is where I tread carefully, because _all men_ (or nearly so) are
>> raised with some pretty toxic beliefs doused all over them (and women, but
>> they seem to do a bit better than us men at dealing with it). Sometimes
>> it's hard to tell the boundary between "traditional gender roles" versus
>> homophobia. And that's why it's absolutely a reason why it's a touchy
>> subject.
>>
>> Anytime "doing X in dancing is homophobic" is brought up, it's:
>> 1. Not always accurate
>> 2. When it is accurate, it's just going to shut down most discussion. No
>> one wants to hear their deeply ingrained societal norms and beliefs are
>> bigoted, right? It's a non-starter for conversation.
>>
>> That said, lgbtqia folks (myself included) absolutely should talk about
>> the negative effects of it (ex: Two women are split up so men can have
>> partners, or the "dramatic production" JJ mentioned in their reply). It's
>> critical these stories continue to be told so people can understand the
>> harm that is done sometimes in the name of "tradition".
>>
>> But in terms of how we - as performers and organizers - look forward and
>> improve things, I think if the goal is persuasiveness, it's more effective
>> to let people judge for themselves whether and how their ingrained societal
>> norms are homophobic or not.
>>
>> Changing these things is hard work and takes a long time. Gender and
>> sexuality are core parts of our identities, so any discussion of it can be
>> intensely personal for anyone.
>>
>> In dance,
>> Julian Blechner
>> He/him
>> Western Massachusetts
>>
>> On Sun, Mar 17, 2024, 6
