I'll just speak up for the "it's not always homophobia" contingent. There are a multitude of reasons why dancers (of all genders) may not wish to dance with men in particular. Not the least of which is we can't possibly know the burdens others carry. Trauma is real and there are reasons we can't possibly know why an individual may wish to go dancing, but not wish to dance closely with a person or with men (or others) more generally. I'm fortunate not to carry such trauma, but I can offer another perspective being a disabled person, who passes as able bodied and (still) young. I used to dance more frequently with other men when I was younger, but all instances where I've fallen, felt unsafe, or had to leave a set midway through a dance have been with men who have made assumptions about my capabilities, especially during swings. I'll note that this happens even in "traditionally gendered" settings (though less so) with things like larks allemanding left 1.5 or men taking liberties during full heys. In those moments, I appreciate role switching because I'll use it sometimes to avoid doing a particular figure with someone upcoming in the line -- these men have even been experienced and talented dancers. There is a certain roughhousing nature that men tend to have uniquely with other men, as though it's expected to just want to see who can out-muscle whom. This amplifies the exuberance that some men have in dancing. I'd ask men reading this to reflect on whether they do this too, but I also recognize that it's a part of what brings some men joy when dancing with other men. It's tricky.
Anyway, all that is to say: if I'm one of a few guys who hasn't partnered during paring time, I would rather sit out than dance with most men, whose dancing I don't know and trust. And, yes, I realize an answer here is to just simply tell the people I dance with to treat me in certain ways, and sometimes I do do that. But I also don't want to do a PSA about how to interact with me specifically. If I go to a dance it's to have a fun time, not to dwell on my physical limitations. Not to mention that there's no guarantee my explanations will be heeded. Sidestepping is just plain easier, and my hope is that others not judge me for that. S On Sun, Mar 17, 2024 at 9:51 PM Patricia Campbell via Contra Callers < contracallers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote: > My 2¢ > I agree - it's not always homophobia that is behind the reaction - > sometimes it's entire generations of upbringing that make it extremely > difficult/awkward for some men to be in a more physically intimate space > than they usually find themselves in. > And it's one thing to do an allemande left with another man - you're not > as physically close for as long)... many men are only used to being in > close proximity with other men in a sports role or a slap on the back > "hello" (in the *American* culture - other cultures aren't anywhere near as > uptight). > > I think that some of the alternative swing suggestions made will go a long > way to easing the reactions - they're just less intimate, less of a > "threat" of any kind (whether cultural boundaries/homophobia/whatever). > > My opinions... > > Patricia > > Patricia Campbell > southern ME > (she/her) > > > On Sun, Mar 17, 2024 at 7:24 PM Julian Blechner via Contra Callers < > contracallers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote: > >> Read and JJ, >> >> This is where I tread carefully, because _all men_ (or nearly so) are >> raised with some pretty toxic beliefs doused all over them (and women, but >> they seem to do a bit better than us men at dealing with it). Sometimes >> it's hard to tell the boundary between "traditional gender roles" versus >> homophobia. And that's why it's absolutely a reason why it's a touchy >> subject. >> >> Anytime "doing X in dancing is homophobic" is brought up, it's: >> 1. Not always accurate >> 2. When it is accurate, it's just going to shut down most discussion. No >> one wants to hear their deeply ingrained societal norms and beliefs are >> bigoted, right? It's a non-starter for conversation. >> >> That said, lgbtqia folks (myself included) absolutely should talk about >> the negative effects of it (ex: Two women are split up so men can have >> partners, or the "dramatic production" JJ mentioned in their reply). It's >> critical these stories continue to be told so people can understand the >> harm that is done sometimes in the name of "tradition". >> >> But in terms of how we - as performers and organizers - look forward and >> improve things, I think if the goal is persuasiveness, it's more effective >> to let people judge for themselves whether and how their ingrained societal >> norms are homophobic or not. >> >> Changing these things is hard work and takes a long time. Gender and >> sexuality are core parts of our identities, so any discussion of it can be >> intensely personal for anyone. >> >> In dance, >> Julian Blechner >> He/him >> Western Massachusetts >> >> On Sun, Mar 17, 2024, 6:55 PM JJ <jcg...@gmail.com> wrote: >> >>> Hi Read! I wanted to add that the times when I (a non-binary person that >>> is generally assumed to be a man) have encountered neighbor men who refuse >>> to swing with me, it has often been accompanied with either thinly-veiled >>> disgust or even an overt "ew I'm not dancing with a man." I'm so sorry that >>> you were physically assaulted, though I'm not surprised. >>> >>> I agree with Read that this is just general homophobia, and again it >>> makes me worry about the women these men are dancing with, simply because >>> they clearly don't want to "hold a man" in the same way that they are >>> "holding" all the women they neighbor/partner with. >>> Polite declining is 100% acceptable and I've never been upset by it. But >>> more often than not, men refusing to dance with me has been a rather >>> dramatic production that leaves me feeling icky. 🤷 >>> >>> >>> On Sun, Mar 17, 2024, 11:27 Read Weaver via Contra Callers < >>> contracallers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote: >>> >>>> I’m kinda doubtful about how common reason 2 is, I think most of what >>>> might superficially seem like insisting on conventional gender roles is >>>> actually (men's) homophobia—dancing with a man might make me look like a…, >>>> or the man dancing with me might be a…. (I specify men because I’ve never >>>> once lived and danced where women were exercised about this—occasionally a >>>> preference for mixed-gender, but never a strong one). The guy who assaulted >>>> me at NEFFA years ago because he came across me in the line dancing the >>>> “wrong” role didn’t do so because I was rejecting conventional gender >>>> roles, he did it because of homophobia. >>>> >>>> Read Weaver >>>> Jamaica Plain, MA >>>> http://lcfd.org >>>> >>>> > On Mar 12, 2024, at 1:36 PM, Julian Blechner via Contra Callers < >>>> contracallers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote: >>>> > >>>> > ... >>>> > - So, when someone says they prefer to dance in non-genderfree >>>> dances, with a partner of a different binary-presenting gender person, in >>>> trad roles, there's 2 possible, non-exclusive reasons: >>>> > 1. That their choice is about courtship, but "make exceptions" for >>>> people you're not attracted to. Which, I guess is fine in and of itself, >>>> but I think people with this preference often may not consider _just how >>>> many exceptions_ there are. >>>> > 2. Their choice is more about embracing traditional gender roles. >>>> I'll get back to this >>>> ... >>>> _______________________________________________ >>>> Contra Callers mailing list -- contracallers@lists.sharedweight.net >>>> To unsubscribe send an email to >>>> contracallers-le...@lists.sharedweight.net >>>> >>>> _______________________________________________ >> Contra Callers mailing list -- contracallers@lists.sharedweight.net >> To unsubscribe send an email to >> contracallers-le...@lists.sharedweight.net >> > _______________________________________________ > Contra Callers mailing list -- contracallers@lists.sharedweight.net > To unsubscribe send an email to contracallers-le...@lists.sharedweight.net >
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