[adailyjoke] August 17th, 2000
_ A Daily Joke - August 17th, 2000! http://www.adailyjoke.com _ ~~~Quote of the day~~~ "Human vanity can best be served by a reminder that, whatever his accomplishments, his sophistication, his artistic pretensions, man owes his very existence to a six-inch layer of top soil - and the fact that it rains." -- Unknown _ F-R-E-E: Were hot dogs ever made of dogs? How do astronauts use the bathroom in space? What's so French about French fries? For the answer to these and other curious questions, go to http://go.MailBits.com/trivia.asp?36441.3 _ Today's Jokes: 1. Profit 2. Lies Get your Free Horoscope http://www.cyberbounty.com/ad?a=79&b=&c=2391 _ 1. Profit "Is it proper for a man to profit from the mistakes of another?" a parishioner asked his minister. "Definitely not," was the preacher's answer. "Are you absolutely certain?" "Yes, my son, absolutely." "Okay. In that case, I wonder if you'd mind returning that $25 I gave you after my wedding last year?" _ Who Came First: Chicken or Egg? http://www.dailymegajoke.com/pass/camefirst.html Noah Kicks Some Butt! http://www.dailymegajoke.com/pass/badbunny.html _ 2. Lies A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between ten and twelve years of age. The group surrounded a dog. Concerned that the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked, "What are you doing with that dog?" One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog." Of course, the reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute sermon about lying, starting with, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie?" and ending up with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie." There was dead silence. Just as the Reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog." _ Enter these SWEEPSTAKES and WIN! Are you tired of high gas prices? Win FREE GAS for 1 whole Year! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=735 Win this Gateway Solo 2550 LS Deluxe Laptop computer!! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=753 Enter now to win Pizza for a Year and $250 online credit to Areyougame! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=633 --- AOL Clickable LINKS --- http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=735"> Are you tired of high gas prices? Win FREE GAS for 1 whole Year! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=753"> Win this Gateway Solo 2550 LS Deluxe Laptop computer!! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=633"> Enter now to win Pizza for a Year and $250 online credit! _ This is a free mailing brought to you by JokesEveryDay.Com. get Free Jokes and More at http://www.jokeseveryday.com ">Click Here! Archives: http://www.adailyjoke.com/archives ADVERTISING/SPONSORSHIP: [EMAIL PROTECTED] ___ You are currently subscribed as: [EMAIL PROTECTED] To unsubscribe send a e-mail from the address above to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] The ID of this message is: 368285. --- © 2000 JokesEveryDay.Com All rights reserved worldwide.
[adailyjoke] August 16th, 2000
_ A Daily Joke - August 16th, 2000! http://www.adailyjoke.com _ ~~~Quote of the day~~~ _ *** WIN A TRIP to HAWAII *** Zing into summer with a trip to Hawaii! Every time you send a FREE ZingCard, a personalized picture greeting, you are automatically entered in our drawing for a Hawaiian get-away. Find your favorite summer holiday pictures, zing them to a friend and you could be a winner! Click -> http://128.11.21.149/go/to.cgi?Zing.com_J02D_0803 http://128.11.21.149/go/to.cgi?Zing.com_J02D_0803" >AOL Users Click Here _ Today's Jokes: 1. How about a drink 2. Tuesdays Get your Free Horoscope http://www.cyberbounty.com/ad?a=79&b=&c=2391 _ 1.How about a drink A male pastor walked into a neighborhood pub to use the restroom. The place was hopping with music and dancing, until people saw the pastor. As the room quieted down he walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?" The bartender replied, "I really don't think you should." "Why not?" the pastor asked. "I really need to use a restroom!" "Well, I don't think you should. There is a statue of a naked woman in there -- and she's only covered by a fig leaf!" "Nonsense," said the pastor, "I'll look the other way!" So, the bartender showed the clergyman the door at the top of the stairs, and he proceeded to the restroom. After a few minutes, he came back out, and the whole place was hopping with music and dancing again! He went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. When I came in here, the place was hopping with music and dancing. Then the room became absolutely quiet. I went to the restroom, and now the place is hopping again." "Well, now you're one of us!" said the bartender. "Would you like a drink too?" "But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled pastor. "You see," laughed the bartender, "every time the fig leaf is lifted on the statue, the lights go out in the whole place. Now, how about a drink?" _ Wonder where this link goes? Find out: http://www.dailymegajoke.com/pass/justjoking.html Dirty "Little" Elephant! http://www.dailymegajoke.com/pass/elephant.html _ 2. Tuesdays A man is asked by his friend, "Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?" "Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector," the man replies. To which his friend responds, "Strange ambition to have for a career..." "Yes, I suppose, but he thinks garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!" _ Enter these SWEEPSTAKES and WIN! Are you tired of high gas prices? Win FREE GAS for 1 whole Year! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=735 Win this Gateway Solo 2550 LS Deluxe Laptop computer!! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=753 Enter now to win Pizza for a Year and $250 online credit to Areyougame! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=633 --- AOL Clickable LINKS --- http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=735"> Are you tired of high gas prices? Win FREE GAS for 1 whole Year! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=753"> Win this Gateway Solo 2550 LS Deluxe Laptop computer!! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=633"> Enter now to win Pizza for a Year and $250 online credit! _ This is a free mailing brought to you by JokesEveryDay.Com. get Free Jokes and More at http://www.jokeseveryday.com ">Click Here! Archives: http://www.adailyjoke.com/archives ADVERTISING/SPONSORSHIP: [EMAIL PROTECTED] ___ You are currently subscribed as: [EMAIL PROTECTED] To unsubscribe send a e-mail from the address above to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] The ID of this message is: 364842. --- © 2000 JokesEveryDay.Com All rights reserved worldwide.
[adailyjoke] August 14th, 2000
_ A Daily Joke - August 14th, 2000! http://www.adailyjoke.com _ ~~~Quote of the day~~~ _ WHO needs a WOMAN? http://www.dailymegajoke.com/pass/whoneeds.html Bend over and GET the soap! http://www.dailymegajoke.com/pass/soap.html _ Today's Jokes: 1. $500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER!" 2. Three engineers F-R-E-E: Were hot dogs ever made of dogs? How do astronauts use the bathroom in space? What's so French about French fries? For the answer to these and other curious questions, go to http://go.MailBits.com/trivia.asp?36441.3 _ Get your Free Horoscope http://www.cyberbounty.com/ad?a=79&b=&c=2391 _ 1. $500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER!" A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall, "$500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER!" When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose! The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the customer's table, slaps five $100 bills down on it and says, "You got me that time buddy, but I want you to know that's the first time in ten years we've been out of rye bread!" _ The Male and Female Remotes: http://www.dailymegajoke.com/pass/remotes.html Do Bulls get milked? http://www.dailymegajoke.com/pass/milking.html _ 2. Three Engineers One day, a mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer, and computer engineer were driving down the street in the same car when it broke down. The mechanical engineer said, "I think a rod broke." The chemical engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I think it's not getting enough gas." The electrical engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something's wrong with the electrical system." All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?" The computer engineer said, "I think we should all get out and then get back in." _ Enter these SWEEPSTAKES and WIN! Are you tired of high gas prices? Win FREE GAS for 1 whole Year! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=735 Win this Gateway Solo 2550 LS Deluxe Laptop computer!! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=753 Enter now to win Pizza for a Year and $250 online credit to Areyougame! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=633 --- AOL Clickable LINKS --- http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=735"> Are you tired of high gas prices? Win FREE GAS for 1 whole Year! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=753"> Win this Gateway Solo 2550 LS Deluxe Laptop computer!! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=633"> Enter now to win Pizza for a Year and $250 online credit! _ This is a free mailing brought to you by JokesEveryDay.Com. get Free Jokes and More at http://www.jokeseveryday.com ">Click Here! Archives: http://www.adailyjoke.com/archives ADVERTISING/SPONSORSHIP: [EMAIL PROTECTED] ___ You are currently subscribed as: [EMAIL PROTECTED] To unsubscribe send a e-mail from the address above to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] The ID of this message is: 357515. --- © 2000 JokesEveryDay.Com All rights reserved worldwide.
[adailyjoke] August 10th, 2000
_ A Daily Joke - August 10th, 2000! http://www.adailyjoke.com _ ~~~Quote of the day~~~ "About the time we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends." -- Herbert Hoover _ The BIONIC MAN busts a nut! http://www.dailymegajoke.com/pass/bionic.html I have a bomb in this e-mail...disarm it by going here: http://www.dailymegajoke.com/pass/bomb.html Talk about toilet humor: http://www.dailymegajoke.com/pass/bathroomhumor.html _ Today's Jokes: 1. Funeral for a friend 2. Once is never enough Get your Free Horoscope http://www.cyberbounty.com/ad?a=79&b=&c=2391 _ 1.Funeral for a friend Little Tim was in the garden filling a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?" "My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor said, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it Tim?" Tim patted down the last heap of earth, and then replied, "That's because he's still inside your stupid cat." _ Here is today's DAILY HUMOR LINK: (See the entire collection at: http://www.dailymegajoke.com/pass.html) The evolution of man has led to this... http://www.dailymegajoke.com/pass/evolution.html _ 2. ONCE IS NEVER ENOUGH A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that could service all of his many hens and when he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied: "I have just the rooster for you. Randy here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!" So the farmer took Randy back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the henhouse though, he gave Randy a little pep talk. "Randy", he said, "I'm counting on you to do your stuff." And without a word, he strutted into the henhouse. Randy was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Randy had finished having his way with each hen. But Randy didn't stop there; he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pigpen, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out "Stop, Randy, you'll kill yourself!" But Randy continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner. Well the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Randy lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Randy. The farmer walked up to Randy saying "Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you've gone and killed yourself. I warned you, little buddy." "Sh," Randy whispered, "The buzzard's getting closer" _ Enter these SWEEPSTAKES and WIN! Are you tired of high gas prices? Win FREE GAS for 1 whole Year! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=735 Win this Gateway Solo 2550 LS Deluxe Laptop computer!! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=753 Enter now to win Pizza for a Year and $250 online credit to Areyougame! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=633 --- AOL Clickable LINKS --- http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=735"> Are you tired of high gas prices? Win FREE GAS for 1 whole Year! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=753"> Win this Gateway Solo 2550 LS Deluxe Laptop computer!! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=633"> Enter now to win Pizza for a Year and $250 online credit! _ This is a free mailing brought to you by JokesEveryDay.Com. get Free Jokes and More at http://www.jokeseveryday.com ">Click Here! Archives: http://www.adailyjoke.com/archives ADVERTISING/SPONSORSHIP: [EMAIL PROTECTED] ___ You are currently subscribed as: [EMAIL PROTECTED] To unsubscribe send a e-mail from the address above to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] The ID of this message is: 344358. --- © 2000 JokesEveryDay.Com All rights reserved worldwide.
[adailyjoke] August 9th, 2000
_ A Daily Joke - August 9th, 2000! http://www.adailyjoke.com _ ~~~Quote of the day~~~ The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time. -- Friedrich Nietzsche _ This is her first time... http://www.dailymegajoke.com/pass/firsttime.html What a bunch of IDIOTS! http://www.dailymegajoke.com/pass/pose.html Prasie the LORDTHIS is why! http://www.dailymegajoke.com/pass/praise.html _ Laughter makes you live longer. That is, unless you laugh so hard you choke. Please, do not read this list whilst trying to eat. Clean humor suitable for each and every member of your family, and you can even send it to the neighbors, just don't send it back! mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] _ Today's Jokes: 1. Bicycle Test 2. Winning Get your Free Horoscope http://www.cyberbounty.com/ad?a=79&b=&c=2391 _ 1. Bicycle Test There was a young fellow who was quite inventive and was always trying out new things. One day he thought he'd see just how fast a bicycle could go before it became uncontrollable. He asked his friend, who owned an old Mustang, if he could tie his bike to the bumper of his car to test his theory. His friend said, "Sure." So the young man tied his bike to the back of the car and said to his friend: "I'll ring my bike bell once if I want you to go faster, twice if I want you maintain speed, and repeatedly if I want you to slow down." With that, off they went. Things were going pretty well, with the car driver slowly speeding up to well over 60 mph. The young fellow on the bike was handling the speed just fine. But, all of sudden, a black Corvette came up beside them and before you knew it the fellow driving the Mustang forgot all about the fellow on the bike and took to drag racing the Corvette. A little further down the road sat Officer John in his police cruiser, radar gun at the ready. He heard the two cars before his radar flashed 105 mph. He called into headquarters on his radio: "Hey, you guys aren't going to believe this, but there's a Corvette and a Mustang racing out here on Highway 3, and there's a guy on a bike ringing his bell and waving his arms trying to pass them!" _ Here is today's DAILY HUMOR LINK: (See the entire collection at: http://www.dailymegajoke.com/pass.html) What is Santa doing on your roof? http://www.dailymegajoke.com/pass/ice.html _ 2. Winning A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks. Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go. The blonde turns around and shouts, "Can't you see I'm winning!" _ Enter these SWEEPSTAKES and WIN! Are you tired of high gas prices? Win FREE GAS for 1 whole Year! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=735 Win this Gateway Solo 2550 LS Deluxe Laptop computer!! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=753 Enter now to win Pizza for a Year and $250 online credit to Areyougame! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=633 --- AOL Clickable LINKS --- http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=735"> Are you tired of high gas prices? Win FREE GAS for 1 whole Year! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=753"> Win this Gateway Solo 2550 LS Deluxe Laptop computer!! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=633"> Enter now to win Pizza for a Year and $250 online credit! _ This is a free mailing brought to you by JokesEveryDay.Com. get Free Jokes and More at http://www.jokeseveryday.com ">Click Here! Archives: http://www.adailyjoke.com/archives ADVERTISING/SPONSORSHIP: [EMAIL PROTECTED] ___ You are currently subscribed as: [EMAIL
[adailyjoke] August 7th, 2000
_ A Daily Joke - August 7th, 2000! http://www.adailyjoke.com _ SICK World Records! Yuck! http://www.dailymegajoke.com/pass/sick.html Want to be a prick to everybody you know? http://www.dailymegajoke.com/pass/prick.html WOMEN don't belong on a golf course!!! http://www.dailymegajoke.com/pass/ladygolf.html _ Today's Jokes: 1. Look Younger 2. The Letter of Reference Get your Free Horoscope http://www.cyberbounty.com/ad?a=79&b=&c=2391 _ 1. Look Younger Mickey's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asked, "Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?" Looking over her carefully, Mickey replied, "Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five." "Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. "Hey, wait a minute!" Mickey interrupted. "I haven't added them up yet." _ Here is today's DAILY HUMOR LINK: (See the entire collection at: http://www.dailymegajoke.com/pass.html) Will you go on a date with me? http://www.dailymegajoke.com/pass/hellfreeze.html _ 2. The Letter of Reference To Whom It May Concern: "Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no vanity, in spite of his high accomplishments and profound knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be executed as soon as possible." Delivered a short time later: "That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the letter sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only every other line." _ Enter these SWEEPSTAKES and WIN! Are you tired of high gas prices? Win FREE GAS for 1 whole Year! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=735 Win this Gateway Solo 2550 LS Deluxe Laptop computer!! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=753 Enter now to win Pizza for a Year and $250 online credit to Areyougame! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=633 --- AOL Clickable LINKS --- http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=735"> Are you tired of high gas prices? Win FREE GAS for 1 whole Year! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=753"> Win this Gateway Solo 2550 LS Deluxe Laptop computer!! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=17806&d=633"> Enter now to win Pizza for a Year and $250 online credit! _ This is a free mailing brought to you by JokesEveryDay.Com. get Free Jokes and More at http://www.jokeseveryday.com ">Click Here! Archives: http://www.adailyjoke.com/archives ADVERTISING/SPONSORSHIP: [EMAIL PROTECTED] ___ You are currently subscribed as: [EMAIL PROTECTED] To unsubscribe send a e-mail from the address above to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] The ID of this message is: 331808. --- © 2000 JokesEveryDay.Com All rights reserved worldwide.
